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brain dump, read if you wish
13 years ago
i was watching something called "surface" on newgrounds, and sence i have been reading dominic deegan as well its caused alot to weigh in on my mind. in a way this is a vent, but mostly so i can get my brain on paper...... well, here goes.
time, emotion, chaos, reality- its like none of it is real, or whatever is real is considered wrong or fake. so what could be considered reality? is reality the fact that im a boy who draws art, occasionaly getting perverted and naive thoughts in my head? could it be the lables i have been given of god, chaos, and everything inbetween? am i real if im a balance of the two or do i have to pick and choose? is reality the world everyone calls my imagination and i see as the spirit realm where i can see ghosts, fight demons if need be?
and another thing that has me clonked is the phrase "keep your heart as a dustless mirror, let it reflect the needs of others". ive always tried to be good, ive always tried to help everyone i can. however, it feels like karma isnt giving back. am i being selfish with my good deeds, subconciously expecting something good to happen in return? is it all just building up? or has the bad outweighed the good? it raises so many questions, like all these questions have been swimming in my mind sence i was born, and only now can i take the words and put them out there.
knowlage and inteligence along with the pairing of rules strikes me as odd. you would expect a natural balance between what you know, and what rules let you know all that. for all we know, the rules that are here now is the restraint on our minds, keeping us from unlocking our true potential, sometimes locking away who we are. with all these rules blocking off all our knowledge, would chaos actually be the good, and harmony the bad? and would balance simply be the word known as the grey area to our new perspective on black and white, red and blue, yellow and purple, so on and so forth?
chaos is also simply just a word to describe something that is abnormal, or not of peacefull ways. anarchy as an example. but look at how it is applied. to an anarchist, harmony is the enemy, and chaos is peace. does this mean that peace and harmony are the locks to our knowlage? but then again, what if our knowlage and thoughts do not apply? we sit and think, but get what? we learn all this stuff in school that only the basics will be used untill college is over with, and for what exactly? we forget what we learned for, we eventually dont care. our minds cannot live without chaos, or harmony depending on your perspective. sometimes, it cannot live without death, food, our craveings. but our knowlage wont apply anywhere else, we could be in my version on the spirit world and find that you know nothing.
nothing... reality... is it linked? are we nothing? could there be some connection that we will know nothing because we ARE nothing? but what could something be, if nothing and something are the same as chaos and harmony, yin and yang, hell and heaven? but how can we be that 'something' if we know nothing of what that something is, and that something, or someone, just cannot tell us what we do to become like them only because we nothings are not real? real life, what could life be to another, but also be to the same people like me? i suppose one day ill find out, but that brings me back to keeping my heart as a dustless mirror... someone will want to stop being nothing, and we will keep helping each other untill all needs are fulfilled, and we become something, just to spread it around for everyone, everything.....
end brain dump, i hope if you read this, you understand where im comeing from.
time, emotion, chaos, reality- its like none of it is real, or whatever is real is considered wrong or fake. so what could be considered reality? is reality the fact that im a boy who draws art, occasionaly getting perverted and naive thoughts in my head? could it be the lables i have been given of god, chaos, and everything inbetween? am i real if im a balance of the two or do i have to pick and choose? is reality the world everyone calls my imagination and i see as the spirit realm where i can see ghosts, fight demons if need be?
and another thing that has me clonked is the phrase "keep your heart as a dustless mirror, let it reflect the needs of others". ive always tried to be good, ive always tried to help everyone i can. however, it feels like karma isnt giving back. am i being selfish with my good deeds, subconciously expecting something good to happen in return? is it all just building up? or has the bad outweighed the good? it raises so many questions, like all these questions have been swimming in my mind sence i was born, and only now can i take the words and put them out there.
knowlage and inteligence along with the pairing of rules strikes me as odd. you would expect a natural balance between what you know, and what rules let you know all that. for all we know, the rules that are here now is the restraint on our minds, keeping us from unlocking our true potential, sometimes locking away who we are. with all these rules blocking off all our knowledge, would chaos actually be the good, and harmony the bad? and would balance simply be the word known as the grey area to our new perspective on black and white, red and blue, yellow and purple, so on and so forth?
chaos is also simply just a word to describe something that is abnormal, or not of peacefull ways. anarchy as an example. but look at how it is applied. to an anarchist, harmony is the enemy, and chaos is peace. does this mean that peace and harmony are the locks to our knowlage? but then again, what if our knowlage and thoughts do not apply? we sit and think, but get what? we learn all this stuff in school that only the basics will be used untill college is over with, and for what exactly? we forget what we learned for, we eventually dont care. our minds cannot live without chaos, or harmony depending on your perspective. sometimes, it cannot live without death, food, our craveings. but our knowlage wont apply anywhere else, we could be in my version on the spirit world and find that you know nothing.
nothing... reality... is it linked? are we nothing? could there be some connection that we will know nothing because we ARE nothing? but what could something be, if nothing and something are the same as chaos and harmony, yin and yang, hell and heaven? but how can we be that 'something' if we know nothing of what that something is, and that something, or someone, just cannot tell us what we do to become like them only because we nothings are not real? real life, what could life be to another, but also be to the same people like me? i suppose one day ill find out, but that brings me back to keeping my heart as a dustless mirror... someone will want to stop being nothing, and we will keep helping each other untill all needs are fulfilled, and we become something, just to spread it around for everyone, everything.....
end brain dump, i hope if you read this, you understand where im comeing from.
