FA+
Shop
Epically Morbid Gift Exchange Time!
14 years ago
General
Glad You Could Stop By! Please, Come on in and Soak Up The Greatness!
So, it was a couple of Saturdays ago, and there I was, looking at aviation classifieds on my iPad2 for a new twin prop aero, the relaxing sounds of my 'Come Dancing with The Kinks' album filling the living room, and everything right with the world when the telephone rang.
Now, being so close to Christmas and Hanukkah, I expected the phone call to be from my mother. (Which I was absolutely dreading. They have done nothing but call everyday since leaving on 28/Nov to remind me that they would be back up on the 22nd. EVERY DAY! Now you know why I've been working 3a to 5p at the aeroport. Let them talk to the voicemail!)
So I pause 'Father Time' on the sound system and glance at the caller ID. Much to my delight, it's a Maine area code and a phone call from Maine only means one thing!
"Mr. Aaron!" I exclaim happily.
"What's up Brony?" asks my friend from college who I last saw in person in 2007 when we took our 'Incredibly Pointless Journey' from Montana to Chicago in a $400 Mercedes just for the sake of doing it. Since then it's been email and phone calls for contact.
We quickly exchanged greetings and news, and he told me much to my delight that he was planning on hitting up Missoula for the holidays and wanted to know if I would be present and accounted for.
"Negative," I replied. "I'm done travelling for the year. Got a bunch of people coming up here this year."
"Then I guess I better stop on in as well."
"Absolutely!" I reply, my mind already counting off the number of friends and family that will be coming and going between now and until after New Year's. "We'll find a place for you to crash."
"Sweetness. We doing Warped Christmas Exchange?" he asked me in a serious voice.
"Oh you know we are!" I don't even hesitate answering.
Now, perhaps I should inform you of this interesting little tradition the two of us have had with each other since we first met in college back in 2004. Mr. Aaron, who is just as warped and twisted as yours truely, (We once drove 250 miles across Montana to buy a Weimaraner puppy because Mr. Aaron wanted one. Despite the fact we had classes the next day. Thank goodness for Rooster Booster energy drinks!) first suggested the idea and we continued the tradition until going our seperate ways to start our lives. The basis of the Warped Christmas Exchange are very simple. Each of us buys the other a gift, trying to make ours the more twisted, unusual, or just plain odder than the other's.
Some past Christmas treats include:
-a pair of toilet scrub brushes from a gas station
-a bashed, scuffed, untuned grand piano purchased at a moving sale for $25.00 and then lovingly lugged up the three flights of stairs to our apartment and set up in the living room
-$100.00 worth of Dollar Store bubble bath (Yes, that's 100 bottles of bubble bath that turned out to be unexpectedly decent and made actual bubbles when added to water!)
-2 grainbags filled with hair collected from all the barber shops and PetsMart grooming centre in Missoula
My mind already churning, knowing full well that Mr. Aaron's would be doing the same, we talked for about an hour more before saying our goodbyes and setting upon our scheming, each hoping to outdo the other for Warped Christmas Exchange.
For inspiration, I went outside to the quinzhee for deep meditation, where I sang songs of ancient Warped Christmas Exchanges past and rubbed magical healing iceicles on my body. I also treated my skin to a good lotioning and the quinzhee was kept nice and toasty by my self gratification.
After many hours of lotioning, I finally had the perfect Warped gift! I ran inside and set upon making the needed phone calls. I didn't tell anyone else what my grand idea was! To spoil the surprise was against the rules! No outsiders were to ever know the gifts exchanged until Christmas Day!
Well, today the gift was finally ready and I picked it up. It's a lot heavier than i expected, given it's size and everything, but it's truely an original idea and Mr. Aaron will surely be surprised! Then i realised I couldn't move it safely by myself! This was going to require the assistance of an outside party! Bending the rules only slightly, I backed the Landie up to the deck and went in to ask for help.
"Nicole?' I asked my loving fiancee as she was at the stove, steaming a helping of clams and vegetables. "Can you help me get something out of the Rover real quick?"
"What did you buy this time?" she asked, rolling her eyes and giving me that look of someone who knows that her life is about to go down that Adrik Weirdness Road again.
"Oh, nothing much. Just a block of stone."
"A block of stone?" Intrigue. I was sure to get the help I needed now!
"Just a simple block of stone." I reassured her.
"A block of stone for what?" she asked. "Does it have something to do with My Little Pony?"
"No, not this time. Just come help me."
So after a brief period of haggling, Nicole finally put dinner on the simmer and helped my bring the heavy stone into the house and we set it under the Christmas tree, where it looked unidentifiable underneath the blanket covering it.
"Okay," she said. "What is that?"
"I can't tell you. It's for Warped Christmas Exchange."
"Oh just let me see! I'm not playing your little game with you and Aaron. I just want to see what you've been up too."
"Okay...just promise you won't tell."
"Yeah yeah. Let's see it."
So off came the blanket. And Nicole just stared. And stared. Then shook her head. Then more staring. Then another head shake.
"Yeah. You're totally warped. I declare you this year's winner."
"You think so?' I asked.
"Absolutely. How many people buy their friend a tombstone for Christmas?"
There. the secret's out. The most twisted idea I could come up for my friend's gift was a tombstone. And It's a very nice tombstone. Shiny grey stone. Probably weighs about two hundred pounds. The front of it reads:
Mr. Aaron Mancuso
Aug. 27th 1986 to________
"He Once Drove 250 Miles For a Puppy"
In the glow of the Christmas lights it looks positively morbid.
I'm sure to win this year! *Evil cackle*
Now I just wonder what he got me....
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE...CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET MAGICAL!
~Adrik
Now, being so close to Christmas and Hanukkah, I expected the phone call to be from my mother. (Which I was absolutely dreading. They have done nothing but call everyday since leaving on 28/Nov to remind me that they would be back up on the 22nd. EVERY DAY! Now you know why I've been working 3a to 5p at the aeroport. Let them talk to the voicemail!)
So I pause 'Father Time' on the sound system and glance at the caller ID. Much to my delight, it's a Maine area code and a phone call from Maine only means one thing!
"Mr. Aaron!" I exclaim happily.
"What's up Brony?" asks my friend from college who I last saw in person in 2007 when we took our 'Incredibly Pointless Journey' from Montana to Chicago in a $400 Mercedes just for the sake of doing it. Since then it's been email and phone calls for contact.
We quickly exchanged greetings and news, and he told me much to my delight that he was planning on hitting up Missoula for the holidays and wanted to know if I would be present and accounted for.
"Negative," I replied. "I'm done travelling for the year. Got a bunch of people coming up here this year."
"Then I guess I better stop on in as well."
"Absolutely!" I reply, my mind already counting off the number of friends and family that will be coming and going between now and until after New Year's. "We'll find a place for you to crash."
"Sweetness. We doing Warped Christmas Exchange?" he asked me in a serious voice.
"Oh you know we are!" I don't even hesitate answering.
Now, perhaps I should inform you of this interesting little tradition the two of us have had with each other since we first met in college back in 2004. Mr. Aaron, who is just as warped and twisted as yours truely, (We once drove 250 miles across Montana to buy a Weimaraner puppy because Mr. Aaron wanted one. Despite the fact we had classes the next day. Thank goodness for Rooster Booster energy drinks!) first suggested the idea and we continued the tradition until going our seperate ways to start our lives. The basis of the Warped Christmas Exchange are very simple. Each of us buys the other a gift, trying to make ours the more twisted, unusual, or just plain odder than the other's.
Some past Christmas treats include:
-a pair of toilet scrub brushes from a gas station
-a bashed, scuffed, untuned grand piano purchased at a moving sale for $25.00 and then lovingly lugged up the three flights of stairs to our apartment and set up in the living room
-$100.00 worth of Dollar Store bubble bath (Yes, that's 100 bottles of bubble bath that turned out to be unexpectedly decent and made actual bubbles when added to water!)
-2 grainbags filled with hair collected from all the barber shops and PetsMart grooming centre in Missoula
My mind already churning, knowing full well that Mr. Aaron's would be doing the same, we talked for about an hour more before saying our goodbyes and setting upon our scheming, each hoping to outdo the other for Warped Christmas Exchange.
For inspiration, I went outside to the quinzhee for deep meditation, where I sang songs of ancient Warped Christmas Exchanges past and rubbed magical healing iceicles on my body. I also treated my skin to a good lotioning and the quinzhee was kept nice and toasty by my self gratification.
After many hours of lotioning, I finally had the perfect Warped gift! I ran inside and set upon making the needed phone calls. I didn't tell anyone else what my grand idea was! To spoil the surprise was against the rules! No outsiders were to ever know the gifts exchanged until Christmas Day!
Well, today the gift was finally ready and I picked it up. It's a lot heavier than i expected, given it's size and everything, but it's truely an original idea and Mr. Aaron will surely be surprised! Then i realised I couldn't move it safely by myself! This was going to require the assistance of an outside party! Bending the rules only slightly, I backed the Landie up to the deck and went in to ask for help.
"Nicole?' I asked my loving fiancee as she was at the stove, steaming a helping of clams and vegetables. "Can you help me get something out of the Rover real quick?"
"What did you buy this time?" she asked, rolling her eyes and giving me that look of someone who knows that her life is about to go down that Adrik Weirdness Road again.
"Oh, nothing much. Just a block of stone."
"A block of stone?" Intrigue. I was sure to get the help I needed now!
"Just a simple block of stone." I reassured her.
"A block of stone for what?" she asked. "Does it have something to do with My Little Pony?"
"No, not this time. Just come help me."
So after a brief period of haggling, Nicole finally put dinner on the simmer and helped my bring the heavy stone into the house and we set it under the Christmas tree, where it looked unidentifiable underneath the blanket covering it.
"Okay," she said. "What is that?"
"I can't tell you. It's for Warped Christmas Exchange."
"Oh just let me see! I'm not playing your little game with you and Aaron. I just want to see what you've been up too."
"Okay...just promise you won't tell."
"Yeah yeah. Let's see it."
So off came the blanket. And Nicole just stared. And stared. Then shook her head. Then more staring. Then another head shake.
"Yeah. You're totally warped. I declare you this year's winner."
"You think so?' I asked.
"Absolutely. How many people buy their friend a tombstone for Christmas?"
There. the secret's out. The most twisted idea I could come up for my friend's gift was a tombstone. And It's a very nice tombstone. Shiny grey stone. Probably weighs about two hundred pounds. The front of it reads:
Mr. Aaron Mancuso
Aug. 27th 1986 to________
"He Once Drove 250 Miles For a Puppy"
In the glow of the Christmas lights it looks positively morbid.
I'm sure to win this year! *Evil cackle*
Now I just wonder what he got me....
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE...CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET MAGICAL!
~Adrik
When you're in a contest as twisted as this one...you need to bring out the big guns!
*Goes back to wondering why he gets a cold chill everytime he walks next to Christmas tree*
BETTER CALL TWILIGHT SPARKLE...CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET MAGICAL!
~Adrik
Hah ha ha, oh, wooooow. xD
Now I have to decide: are you a shining beacon of inspiration to the rest of us?
Or a hysterical, all-sirens-going, panic-stricken warning to the rest of us?
Mmmmm. . . beacon. Yes, beacon. In my wildest imagination (which ain't bad, I think)
there's NO way I could top a tombstone.
(OTOH if the Aurora Borealis to the northwest changes colour on some calm, clear Canadian
evening we'll know you've somehow gotten hold of some plutonium, but we won't worry about
that for the moment. :- ) )
Merry Belated Xmas.
FB.