I've got to keep it honest in this journal as a writer.

As the greatest creative force to rule over the furry scene in 2016, it's my obligation to keep things real. They call me Mr. Greatness for a reason. Are you ready for the new knowledge? Then pull up your beanbag chair and grab some cookies. It's time for an Adrik Wolf journal.

Or get yourself some English muffins. Maybe with some blackberry jam. That sounds good this morning. We're going to try to keep things realistic today. Because that's how things work.

So here's what my new knowledge has for you. Sit back. It's going to be great.

I've been doing some research into pre-schools for Thing One and Thing Two and set up a few interviews and filled out the proper applications for several private schools here in San Antonio that I feel will give my children the best head-start on life. It's never too early to start moulding the new generation into capitalist future Republicans who believe in education, hard work, and supporting their father's retirement at his beach house down in the Caribbean.

What? Do you think I plan on still working for the next thirty years? Heck no. As soon as these two get the skills they need, They're going to be supporting me. I've got my blossoming beach bum goals to look forward to!

Anyhow, one of the schools we interviewed at was called San Antonio Country Day Montessori School. And I was impressed with what they had to offer. We went through everything and was told to expect a phone call by the end of the week.

Well that phone call from the headmistress came yesterday morning. And unfortunately, I was already on the phone with my good friend Justin Nelson (You know, the friend who collects spoons) from up in Alaska.

So, instead of being rude to either person, I just put Headmistress Torres on a conference call so that all three of us could be on the phone. And for your enjoyment now, here is a transcript of that conversation:

Headmistress Torres: Good morning. Mr. Wolf?

Adrik: Yes! This is he. Is this Mrs. Torres from the Day School? And my friend Justin Nelson from Alaska is also on the phone. He collects spoons. I hope you don't mind.

Headmistress Torres: Oh no, that's fine. How are you doing today?

Justin: Hi! I'm not sure how I'm doing today.

Headmistress Torres: Oh. Okay. Ummm...

Adrik: I'm doing pretty good.

Headmistress Torres: Excellent. The reason I'm calling today is...

Justin: Why are you having such a good day today, Adrik?

Adrik: Well I got laid. Twice.

(Uncomfortable silence for about twenty seconds)

Justin: Hello?

Headmistress Torres: Hello? Adrik?

Adrik: Yes, I'm here.

Justin: I didn't get laid today. That probably would've helped.

Headmistress Torres: Um....who's the other gentleman on the line?

Adrik: That's Justin Nelson. The guy who didn't get laid.

Headmistress Torres: Okay. Justin Nelson.

Justin: That would have definitely cheered up my day. If I had gotten laid, that is. It's been kinda a rough day and I've been backed up for like two months now.

Headmistress Torres: So it sounds like you two...are...having a good day...

Adrik: Well I am. I'm having a good day because I got laid. Both before work and after work. Justin isn't having a good day though. He's backed up like two months...

Headmistress Torres: Okay. I was hoping we could have a constructive conversation with Mr. Wolf in regards to the future of his two children. That would be really great on my end.

Adrik: Oh, but we are. I'm all for constructive conversation.

Headmistress Torres: Ummm...

Justin: You just sorta threw us for a loop with that question.

Headmistress Torres: I see. So...I have the applications here in front of me. You are looking to have Phillip Connor and Savannah Maria start this August, correct?

Adrik: I can't believe you're backed up two months. Haven't you been hitting up any spoon conventions?

Justin: Yeah, it's been a while. I mean the Eskimo that I was banging left me, so that's why...yeah that's why I haven't gotten laid in a while.

Headmistress Torres: Mr. Wolf...we would love to have you come back in for a face-to-face follow up interview. When would be a good time for you and your children to stop in...

Justin: I can't believe you got laid twice.

Headmistress Torres: Okay. I think maybe I should call back at another time. I don't see this conversation being very constructive today.

Adrik: I don't see what the problem is.

Headmistress Torres: We really need to keep the conversation on a higher plane, shall we say, and not delve into such...personal matters.

Adrik: But you did ask how our days were going. We're just being honest. I'm doing pretty good because I'm getting laid like twice a day now, so it's pretty good. Justin...well you heard he's having some problems. I got laid twice in the last 24 hours, so I'm in a pretty good mood.

Headmistress Torres: I think it's best we continue this at another time. For now I will keep your applications on file...

Justin: I can't believe you're getting laid before work. Maybe I should move down there.

Adrik: I'm not going to sleep with you before going to work, Justin. We tried that before, remember? We were always late to the aeroport...

(Phone clicks and dial-tone heard on Headmistress Torres' end)

Thank goodness there's 71 other pre-schools in the San Antonio area to try!

Happy April Fool's Day everyone!