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Rewriting The Muppets (some spoilers)
13 years ago
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About 24 hours ago, I sat down and watched the new The Muppets movie. And while it was okay, it really wasn't that great a film. I'm kind of glad I didn't pay the exorbitant cost of a movie ticket for it.
Something about it just didn't click. The feeling I got from it wasn't that I was watching a movie. It felt more like I was sitting through one of those made-for-TV reunion shows.
Here are the changes I would have made:
First - Lose the entire plot with the puppet brother, the human brother and the girlfriend. Just dump it and get back some of the screen time it used up. This would put the Muppets back as the focus of the movie, rather than having them be cameos in someone else's story.
The main character is now Beauregard, the Muppet theater's janitor.
We start the film with a series of flashbacks showing the Muppets at their peak, and their prime. The glitz, the glamor, the celebrities... THAT WAS THEN
Then we fade to modern day and the dilapidated theater. THIS IS NOW
Beauregard is now "The Last Muppet" - one by one, the others have all moved on, and he is left alone to look after the Muppet Theater. The sole survivor. Last man standing. Keeper of the legacy, and all that. The place is falling apart, and the landlord is in talks with a businessman to preserve the place and turn it into a museum (as per the current script)
However, it is Beauregard who overhears the conversation about the businessman secretly planning to tear the place down. Not to drill for oil, but to put up a shopping center. The whole drilling for oil thing is a little too extraordinary, and the reason for tearing the place down should be mundane, to drive home the feeling that The Muppets just aren't important anymore. There's nothing special here - The theater is junk. But the land is worth a fortune as a development property, so bulldoze this antique eyesore and get on with life.
At this point we start to head back into the area of the current script. Beauregard jumps into the aging Muppet Bus, and heads out to find the Muppets and bring them home, to save the theater. The businessman, not wanting his deal interfered with, sends a flunky to chase Beauregard and The Muppets across the country (much as Doc Hopper chased the Muppets in The Muppet Movie)
Other than that, the script would play out pretty much as it does in the current version. I'd keep the scenes between Piggy and Kermit untouched, as those really worked well. I think I'd lose the hag-Piggy impersonator though. I think it's important that there be a gap where Piggy should be, until she arrives to fill it.
The final change would be the end of the film. As it currently stands, the end of the film is a total cop-out. The Muppets lose the theater, but then that ending is entirely undone with a throwaway mention that oh, by the way, they actually got it back.
I would lose that throwaway line. They lose the theater, but they gain each other. The Muppets aren't about a building, the Muppets are about their relationship with each other. Not just friends, family - and now that they have rediscovered this they can start over again, together.
The movie actually went there, and that throwaway line totally undermined it. I can kind of see why they felt the need to tack it on though, since the script as it was filmed had them not just losing the theater, but also the rights to their own names. So, I would trim all that, and have it just as them losing the theater. Why would their names be important if they're all washed-up has-beens who nobody cares about anymore? It's more realistic. It also provides a leaping-off point for future projects of a more unlimited scope. The Muppets can literaly go anywhere from this point, and do anything, as a bright new future looms on the horizon.
Anyway, that's my list of edits. I think the end result would have been a much stronger movie.
[Additional afterthoughts, several hours later:]
If you really want to end on a note that says "We're back" you could end the film with the Muppets running around backstage as they prepare for tonight's broadcast of a whole new show, in their new headquarters. The "Muppets Tonight" TV studio.
Something about it just didn't click. The feeling I got from it wasn't that I was watching a movie. It felt more like I was sitting through one of those made-for-TV reunion shows.
Here are the changes I would have made:
First - Lose the entire plot with the puppet brother, the human brother and the girlfriend. Just dump it and get back some of the screen time it used up. This would put the Muppets back as the focus of the movie, rather than having them be cameos in someone else's story.
The main character is now Beauregard, the Muppet theater's janitor.
We start the film with a series of flashbacks showing the Muppets at their peak, and their prime. The glitz, the glamor, the celebrities... THAT WAS THEN
Then we fade to modern day and the dilapidated theater. THIS IS NOW
Beauregard is now "The Last Muppet" - one by one, the others have all moved on, and he is left alone to look after the Muppet Theater. The sole survivor. Last man standing. Keeper of the legacy, and all that. The place is falling apart, and the landlord is in talks with a businessman to preserve the place and turn it into a museum (as per the current script)
However, it is Beauregard who overhears the conversation about the businessman secretly planning to tear the place down. Not to drill for oil, but to put up a shopping center. The whole drilling for oil thing is a little too extraordinary, and the reason for tearing the place down should be mundane, to drive home the feeling that The Muppets just aren't important anymore. There's nothing special here - The theater is junk. But the land is worth a fortune as a development property, so bulldoze this antique eyesore and get on with life.
At this point we start to head back into the area of the current script. Beauregard jumps into the aging Muppet Bus, and heads out to find the Muppets and bring them home, to save the theater. The businessman, not wanting his deal interfered with, sends a flunky to chase Beauregard and The Muppets across the country (much as Doc Hopper chased the Muppets in The Muppet Movie)
Other than that, the script would play out pretty much as it does in the current version. I'd keep the scenes between Piggy and Kermit untouched, as those really worked well. I think I'd lose the hag-Piggy impersonator though. I think it's important that there be a gap where Piggy should be, until she arrives to fill it.
The final change would be the end of the film. As it currently stands, the end of the film is a total cop-out. The Muppets lose the theater, but then that ending is entirely undone with a throwaway mention that oh, by the way, they actually got it back.
I would lose that throwaway line. They lose the theater, but they gain each other. The Muppets aren't about a building, the Muppets are about their relationship with each other. Not just friends, family - and now that they have rediscovered this they can start over again, together.
The movie actually went there, and that throwaway line totally undermined it. I can kind of see why they felt the need to tack it on though, since the script as it was filmed had them not just losing the theater, but also the rights to their own names. So, I would trim all that, and have it just as them losing the theater. Why would their names be important if they're all washed-up has-beens who nobody cares about anymore? It's more realistic. It also provides a leaping-off point for future projects of a more unlimited scope. The Muppets can literaly go anywhere from this point, and do anything, as a bright new future looms on the horizon.
Anyway, that's my list of edits. I think the end result would have been a much stronger movie.
[Additional afterthoughts, several hours later:]
If you really want to end on a note that says "We're back" you could end the film with the Muppets running around backstage as they prepare for tonight's broadcast of a whole new show, in their new headquarters. The "Muppets Tonight" TV studio.
This is the thing you do not do.