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Furry Weekend Atlanta- Post-Con Gripes
13 years ago
Drama Llama's terrible, horrible and not very good Furry Weekend Atlanta.
Worst. Con. Ever.
How can I even begin to describe all the bad things that happened at FWA?! It started with an overbooked flight that I got bumped off of twice and they didn't even compensate me for it 'cuz apparently there is some kind of loophole in the airline regulations where they don't have to pay passengers for missed flights if their necks are over 14” long. At least, that's what they told me.
But, that was AFTER they charged me for an extra bag that was both one pound overweight ($50) and ½” too large (another $50) and the total baggage charges coming and going were almost as much as the ticket itself. I took two pieces of luggage 'cuz I thought I would need the extra room to put all the artwork I bought in. That is, put all the artwork in I was going to buy if I'd had the money to buy it, which I didn't have anymore since they charged me all that money for the extra baggage fees! So, Llama got to pay $250 to ship an empty bag both ways which was probably more than the cost of the suitcase, but I didn't want to lose the bag 'cuz it belonged to my now-deceased Grandma Drama Llama and it had sentimental value to me even though it was covered in a pink rose and carnation floral pattern that most everyone said made me look like a Transylvanian...or, did they call me a transvestite?! I can never remember which is which.... anyway...
Once again the Blue-Shirted Boobies at the airport made me go through a horrible blue-gloved near strip search when I refused to walk into the giant, scary scanner thing. Not only are Drama Llamas terribly worried about radiation and mutated ears and stuff, we also hate anyone looking at our bodies under the giant Electric Naked Ray! So, I asked for a manual search which they were clearly not happy about. I wasn't happy about it either but if I wanted to go to FWA there was only one way they would let me on the plane I.C.K.Y.! Not even the fact that I hadn't had a shower that day (and now that I think about it maybe not the day before too) put them off their evil little mission to fondle my Little Llamas! The hairy-armed guy performing the search even gave me an 'accidental' karate-chop in the groin and seemed pleased at my embarrassment and discomfort.
Seems that only Furries want to put their paws all over me and that is for reasons I cannot even begin to think about.
Anyway, then TSA took away the little screwdriver I use to clean my cute little toenails but totally missed the bottle of water, nailclippers, chainsaw, welding torch, fireworks and lead-acid batteries I had stashed in my carry-on. Go figure.
I got to the con eventually and then discovered I had left Gramma Llama's bag on the luggage carousel by accident when I was distracted by some missionaries asking for money to cure world hunger or something but I was trying to tell them I was hungry myself and only had enough money to buy Ramen noodles to make in the coffeemaker in the room but I don't think they believed me.
They had to send the bag to the hotel room I was staying in. Trouble is, I lost the phone number of the guy I was supposed to be staying with, didn't know his Real Life name or what he looked like or even when he was supposed to get to the hotel, so I had to ask them to deliver the bag to the stairwell I would be spending the remainder of the weekend sleeping under (again). Naturally I found the number when I got home- folded up inside Gramma Llama's bag.
Then it got really bad. I couldn't register for the con because I had been lost in the system even tho I had totally pre-registered and so I had to go back in and try to remember all the data I made up for registration like my date of birth and credit card numbers. The line was long and terrible and boring and everyone behind me got mad that it was taking me so long to log in and then I couldn't decide what badge name to use and my top five picks were already taken!
I finally got my con badge and my name was misspelled and they wouldn't give me another one on account of that it took me too long to register the first time and the line was already delayed by 20 minutes, so I got to spend the rest of the con being addressed as LJ Flex. That is, the few times anyone bothered to talk to me. Most everyone ignores me once I try to introduce myself...unless it's Con Staff, in which case I'm usually getting yelled at for some infraction like spending the night on the lobby sofa.
So, I endured the rest of the con mostly being bored, lonely and anxious. I couldn't buy anything in the art show or the dealer room after paying for all my excess baggage fees. The few panels I went to were dull and I noticed the room tended to empty out quickly once I showed up, although the Furry Discipline panel was very lively. I thought the purpose of the panel was to learn how to be more self-disciplined (which I would grudgingly admit to not being very good at) and then found out what it was REALLY about when until they asked for demonstration volunteers. I didn't even volunteer but was selected by the group to volunteer for the position which was really exciting! I got selected to volunteer! No one has ever asked me to volunteer for anything before! Yayyyyy!
Then I found out it was an exhibition on proper flogging techniques! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
At the end, no one even asked if I had any questions. I couldn't sit down comfortably for a week afterwards.
I went to one of the dances- the music was too loud and the lights made me dizzy. I can't dance anyway; Drama Llamas have two left hooves and no sense of rhythm. No one asked me to dance.
Not a single person. I couldn't make out the lyrics to any of the songs either, they all just seemed to be about ooontz ooontz ooontz.
I left the dance and heard a rumor floating around about some kind of furry flash mob! There was an Anime con a couple blocks from FWA called MoJo Con or something and the plan was, apparently, to get as many furries togther as we could to invade the Anime event. There were about 1800 furries at FWA and over 8,000 Anime fans next door, so we were only outnumbered 4:1. Just goes to show you that furries are so non-mainstream even we get beaten out by Japanese animation-loving high school kids every time! Even tho they dress even weirder than we do! What is it with all the giant props anyway?! Giant swords, enormous guns, huge death-rays... I think they're just compensating for something!
Anyway, I heard some rumors about the march, which was supposed to start at 9:00 in the evening, but the person who told me about it said the march was supposed to start at the BACK of the hotel, so I wasted an hour hanging out by the delivery door dumpsters and waiting for the crowd to show up, but they never did since everyone met at the FRONT- and I think they deliberately lied to me to keep me out of the march! I spent the time waiting by talking to the dumpster rats but eventually they asked me to leave 'cuz I smelled too bad.
Apparently the Flash Mob was a raging success as it got the whole MoJo Con hotel locked down by the police and lots of people got yelled at- REAL DRAMA! AND I TOTALLY MISSED IT! Waaahhhhhhh! Why am I never in the right place at the right time?!?
That last night of FWA I went to a dead-dog party in one of the executive suites. Well, more like scammed my way into one by barging in with a group of other half-hammered furries, 'cuz no one answered the door when* I* knocked! No wonder they call it a dead dog, the room smelled like an pickled schnauzer and I got cheap beer spilled all over my soft, glossy fur! It was one of the wildest parties I have ever been to- was still going strong at 5:00 AM even though they ran out of booze and were starting to drink the hand sanitizer. I have never seen so many drunken furries in my life! I wound up drinking way too much hand sanitizer, then got sick and threw up in the hottub. I woke up half dressed, deathly hungover and curled in a maid's cart in the hotel laundry facility.
On the bright side, I had clean sheets for the first time since I got to the con...
On the way home I missed my flight cuz I got on the wrong MARTA shuttle and wound up at the bus depot instead of the airport with the winos, homeless people, derelicts and the guy I was supposed to be rooming with. I finally caught a ride back to the airport with a family of Bolivian immigrants who were having a family reunion and mistook me for one of their distant relatives. The flight back was as miserable as you would expect and now I have nothing to complain about until I go to AnthroCon again in a few weeks.
Well, less to complain about, anyway.
Worst. Con. Ever.
How can I even begin to describe all the bad things that happened at FWA?! It started with an overbooked flight that I got bumped off of twice and they didn't even compensate me for it 'cuz apparently there is some kind of loophole in the airline regulations where they don't have to pay passengers for missed flights if their necks are over 14” long. At least, that's what they told me.
But, that was AFTER they charged me for an extra bag that was both one pound overweight ($50) and ½” too large (another $50) and the total baggage charges coming and going were almost as much as the ticket itself. I took two pieces of luggage 'cuz I thought I would need the extra room to put all the artwork I bought in. That is, put all the artwork in I was going to buy if I'd had the money to buy it, which I didn't have anymore since they charged me all that money for the extra baggage fees! So, Llama got to pay $250 to ship an empty bag both ways which was probably more than the cost of the suitcase, but I didn't want to lose the bag 'cuz it belonged to my now-deceased Grandma Drama Llama and it had sentimental value to me even though it was covered in a pink rose and carnation floral pattern that most everyone said made me look like a Transylvanian...or, did they call me a transvestite?! I can never remember which is which.... anyway...
Once again the Blue-Shirted Boobies at the airport made me go through a horrible blue-gloved near strip search when I refused to walk into the giant, scary scanner thing. Not only are Drama Llamas terribly worried about radiation and mutated ears and stuff, we also hate anyone looking at our bodies under the giant Electric Naked Ray! So, I asked for a manual search which they were clearly not happy about. I wasn't happy about it either but if I wanted to go to FWA there was only one way they would let me on the plane I.C.K.Y.! Not even the fact that I hadn't had a shower that day (and now that I think about it maybe not the day before too) put them off their evil little mission to fondle my Little Llamas! The hairy-armed guy performing the search even gave me an 'accidental' karate-chop in the groin and seemed pleased at my embarrassment and discomfort.
Seems that only Furries want to put their paws all over me and that is for reasons I cannot even begin to think about.
Anyway, then TSA took away the little screwdriver I use to clean my cute little toenails but totally missed the bottle of water, nailclippers, chainsaw, welding torch, fireworks and lead-acid batteries I had stashed in my carry-on. Go figure.
I got to the con eventually and then discovered I had left Gramma Llama's bag on the luggage carousel by accident when I was distracted by some missionaries asking for money to cure world hunger or something but I was trying to tell them I was hungry myself and only had enough money to buy Ramen noodles to make in the coffeemaker in the room but I don't think they believed me.
They had to send the bag to the hotel room I was staying in. Trouble is, I lost the phone number of the guy I was supposed to be staying with, didn't know his Real Life name or what he looked like or even when he was supposed to get to the hotel, so I had to ask them to deliver the bag to the stairwell I would be spending the remainder of the weekend sleeping under (again). Naturally I found the number when I got home- folded up inside Gramma Llama's bag.
Then it got really bad. I couldn't register for the con because I had been lost in the system even tho I had totally pre-registered and so I had to go back in and try to remember all the data I made up for registration like my date of birth and credit card numbers. The line was long and terrible and boring and everyone behind me got mad that it was taking me so long to log in and then I couldn't decide what badge name to use and my top five picks were already taken!
I finally got my con badge and my name was misspelled and they wouldn't give me another one on account of that it took me too long to register the first time and the line was already delayed by 20 minutes, so I got to spend the rest of the con being addressed as LJ Flex. That is, the few times anyone bothered to talk to me. Most everyone ignores me once I try to introduce myself...unless it's Con Staff, in which case I'm usually getting yelled at for some infraction like spending the night on the lobby sofa.
So, I endured the rest of the con mostly being bored, lonely and anxious. I couldn't buy anything in the art show or the dealer room after paying for all my excess baggage fees. The few panels I went to were dull and I noticed the room tended to empty out quickly once I showed up, although the Furry Discipline panel was very lively. I thought the purpose of the panel was to learn how to be more self-disciplined (which I would grudgingly admit to not being very good at) and then found out what it was REALLY about when until they asked for demonstration volunteers. I didn't even volunteer but was selected by the group to volunteer for the position which was really exciting! I got selected to volunteer! No one has ever asked me to volunteer for anything before! Yayyyyy!
Then I found out it was an exhibition on proper flogging techniques! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
At the end, no one even asked if I had any questions. I couldn't sit down comfortably for a week afterwards.
I went to one of the dances- the music was too loud and the lights made me dizzy. I can't dance anyway; Drama Llamas have two left hooves and no sense of rhythm. No one asked me to dance.
Not a single person. I couldn't make out the lyrics to any of the songs either, they all just seemed to be about ooontz ooontz ooontz.
I left the dance and heard a rumor floating around about some kind of furry flash mob! There was an Anime con a couple blocks from FWA called MoJo Con or something and the plan was, apparently, to get as many furries togther as we could to invade the Anime event. There were about 1800 furries at FWA and over 8,000 Anime fans next door, so we were only outnumbered 4:1. Just goes to show you that furries are so non-mainstream even we get beaten out by Japanese animation-loving high school kids every time! Even tho they dress even weirder than we do! What is it with all the giant props anyway?! Giant swords, enormous guns, huge death-rays... I think they're just compensating for something!
Anyway, I heard some rumors about the march, which was supposed to start at 9:00 in the evening, but the person who told me about it said the march was supposed to start at the BACK of the hotel, so I wasted an hour hanging out by the delivery door dumpsters and waiting for the crowd to show up, but they never did since everyone met at the FRONT- and I think they deliberately lied to me to keep me out of the march! I spent the time waiting by talking to the dumpster rats but eventually they asked me to leave 'cuz I smelled too bad.
Apparently the Flash Mob was a raging success as it got the whole MoJo Con hotel locked down by the police and lots of people got yelled at- REAL DRAMA! AND I TOTALLY MISSED IT! Waaahhhhhhh! Why am I never in the right place at the right time?!?
That last night of FWA I went to a dead-dog party in one of the executive suites. Well, more like scammed my way into one by barging in with a group of other half-hammered furries, 'cuz no one answered the door when* I* knocked! No wonder they call it a dead dog, the room smelled like an pickled schnauzer and I got cheap beer spilled all over my soft, glossy fur! It was one of the wildest parties I have ever been to- was still going strong at 5:00 AM even though they ran out of booze and were starting to drink the hand sanitizer. I have never seen so many drunken furries in my life! I wound up drinking way too much hand sanitizer, then got sick and threw up in the hottub. I woke up half dressed, deathly hungover and curled in a maid's cart in the hotel laundry facility.
On the bright side, I had clean sheets for the first time since I got to the con...
On the way home I missed my flight cuz I got on the wrong MARTA shuttle and wound up at the bus depot instead of the airport with the winos, homeless people, derelicts and the guy I was supposed to be rooming with. I finally caught a ride back to the airport with a family of Bolivian immigrants who were having a family reunion and mistook me for one of their distant relatives. The flight back was as miserable as you would expect and now I have nothing to complain about until I go to AnthroCon again in a few weeks.
Well, less to complain about, anyway.
I'm sorry I couldn't be at FWA this year to hara- I mean, say hello to you, but you know how it goes when they tell you to get your butt in Afghanistan for six months. You miss all the best cons. I won't see you at AC either because of this. But! If you happen to go to FA:U or Furfright, you'll be able to say hi. :>
I don't know about Furfright, sounds like I'd be one of the scariest things there. But even if I don't show up in person, rest assured there will be a great many other Drama Llamas attending...we show up at ALL the cons!
Oh don't even start on my laundry that you dumped out because you claimed you needed the hamper! By the way where is the hamper?
The way to improve the con is for you not to be there. But that would mean that you would be here at the apartment and that would be far worse because then I would have to deal with you!
Once again you left with out eating your rat poi... I mean cereal, that I left out for you to eat. I keep telling you that the view of the would improve greatly if you would just eat your breakfast.