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Fifty Shades Of Adrik
13 years ago
General
Glad You Could Stop By! Please, Come on in and Soak Up The Greatness!
All of you...well, probably more like six of you...have probably noticed that I was only on very sporadically the last few months. And for that I know you were all extremely sad and heartbroken.
But do not fear!
Yes, it is true that the first half of this year revolved around me working insane hours flying up to Barrow and Prudhoe six, even seven days a week, shuttling supplies and workers for Shell Oil. (Thank God for oil company contracts...I made out like a bandit in the cash flow department!)
But do not fret. It was not all working all hours of the day, sleeping in the Britten-Norman, struggling to have two minutes to myself to have any resemblance of my normal life.
No my friends, as much as I was out making money with my wings, this Pony was also out busy getting his Mogwai wet all over Alaska!
And with so many thrilling, steamy and sultry stories filling my head and video camera, I thought the best course of action was to put my hooves to the keyboard and type up my adventures in what will surely be this summer's hottest bestselling novel.
But perhaps I should let the following 'New York Times' article tell the riveting review:
*From the 27/May/2012 edition of 'The New York Times'-
'Fifty Shades Of Adrik', the steamy new novel that hit bookstores and Kindles only a few short weeks ago is already burning up the best-seller charts and redefining the way the world looks at erotic fiction.
USA Today writes: "This novel was disgustingly unnecessary"
Joel Stein from 'Time' magazine quotes: "Isn't there some other country we can ship Adrik Wolf to? Bolivia? Australia? Portugal? I mean come on. This sort of homo and hetero-erotic fiction is only good for starting forest fires and helping overweight housewives get off!"
Marsha Helig from Peoria, Illinois says: "The image of Adrik Wolf plowing so many guys and girls in the span of three months is strangely arousing. He's either the greatest lover ever or the strangest person ever. Oh he's Jewish? And a Furry? Oh well nevermind then."
And Aaron Phelps of Amazon.com reviews: "Did someone really write about a self-proclaimed half-Jew running around Alaska banging everyone in sight? I mean next you'll tell me there's a segment about getting raped at an East Coast University in this book..."
Actually there is. And readers will be treated to many of Adrik's other interesting and delicious escapades. The plot is as follows:
After returning home after working the hazardous airways of Alaska, our 'thick as a soup can' hero Adrik Wolf is picked up at the aeroport by the lonely 70-year-old billionaire widow of the CEO of Hasbro International. After being seduced by Adrik’s charms and desire to visit the Wasillia Outlet Mall for a much-needed haircut, the two dive into a tumultuous relationship that lasts the entire drive from Glennallen to Wasilla.
A passage:
“The ride in the back of her Town Car was uneventful. At least until she produced a stiff black riding crop and smacked it heavily against the supple leather seat.
“I hear that ‘My Little Pony’ is your favourite show to watch, Adrik.” she murred, eyes glinting with need. The riding crop made another sturdy ‘THWAPP!’ against the seat.
The suave Adrik Wolf only smiled and stood up, unbuttoning the fashionable and well-pressed Dockers pants he was wearing. “I want you to become well acquainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favourite and most cherished part of my body. I’m very attached to this.”
Adrik showed her the goods and she accepted the offering. The ride to Wasilla is long, but not long enough for all their earthly desires to be filled. “It slips down my throat, all seawater, salt, the sharp tang of citrus, and fleshiness… ooh. I lick my lips, and he’s watching me intently, his eyes hooded.” the hapless widow tells us in her own words.
The sex is explicit. Raw. Juicy. The riding crop is struck against Adrik’s supple, firm buttocks again and again. Somebody’s been a bad Pony…“I found some baby oil. Let me rub it on your behind.” “the elderly CEO squirts baby oil onto her hand and then rubs his behind with careful tenderness — from makeup remover to soothing balm for a spanked ass, who would have thought it was such a versatile liquid.”
The raunchiness comes to a brief halt once the hair salon is reached. Adrik, sporting a beautiful head of velvety brown hair, enters the salon only to be quickly accosted by the sultry hairdressers.
“ Our dear Adrik! What’s wrong? What did that creepy decrepit old billionaire bitch do?” “You have dreadful sex hair.” said one handsome hairdresser who’s name was Steve. But there was little time for pleasantries. Adrik was completely surrounded by the store full of beauty technicians. He was outnumbered, but he still managed to satisfy each employee, male and female, accordingly. No one was left unsatisfied!
And the hot scenes don’t stop there. From the dingy back storerooms of the Wasilla Outlet Mall’s many reasonably priced discount stores to the steamy bathhouses of Western Anchorage, Adrik leaves his sticky trail of hot Wolf-love all over Alaska.
Another squishy passage:
“I don’t remember reading about nipple clamps in the Bible.” Adrik whispered to the burly bathmaster. The taunt Russian bodybuilder only snorted and applied said clamps slowly, making sure the perk flesh of Adrik’s beautiful nipples received the full force of the metal jaws. This was followed by a laugh and splash of hot, teasing water.
“Dear Adrik, you are not just a pretty face. You’ve had six orgasms so far and all of them belong to me.” the bathmaster laughed boisterously. “Now time for some much needed manscaping!”
Be ready to grip the edge of your seat when Adrik recalls a lone night of sensual rape at Penn State back in the early 2000’s. The details are vivid. The showers are freshly cleaned. The robes are loose and there’s a wide assortment of body oils yearning for soft flesh.
Another passage to tease you with:
“It was about eight or nine years ago,” Adrik said, slowly unbuttoning the blouse of his female psychiatrist. "I was a young, bright-eyed and eager young Adrik Wolf, happy to be attending Penn State and already well-versed in the matters of the heart. I remember being in my sculpting class, posing nude for my fellow classmates to cast my impressive image in clay when the door opened.”
"Mr. Wolf?" asked an errand girl from the administrative office.
"Yes?" I replied, turning to give the supple freshman a view of my eighteen-year-old firm young goodie bag.
"Mr. Sandusky would like to see you down in the..."
"Men's locker room?" I finished for her, my eyes alight.
"Yeah.." she said uneasily.
"I'm on it." I replied. "Xavier, my robe!" I snapped my fingers. The spry young Brazilian exchange student quickly made with my blue robe and I stepped down from the platform. "You must finish all my ridges and curves by memory, my fellow classmates!" I announced loudly. "For I am off to the showers! Where I will receive the full college experience!"
"And with that, I made the long, thoughtful walk to Beaver Stadium. When I got to the Coach's office, Mr. Sandusky was already waiting for me. A spread of cheeses and crackers were on the desk. There was a bottle of Merlot in an ice bucket and pictures of various Little League baseball players on the walls. I could hear ’Lovin;, Touchin’, Squeezin’ by Journey playing on a radio. Jerry Sandusky was there, smelling of polished leather and reading the most recent edition of 'Boy's Life'.
"I'm here, Mr. Sandusky," I announced, loosening the strap of my robe. "I heard you yearned for my presence."
"I'm glad you came so soon." Sandusky replied. "Let's just hope that doesn't happen in the shower."
"I've waited all my teenage years for this," I replied coyly. "The thought of being violated by a football coach three times my age just has a certain allure to it."
"You been modelling again?' Sandusky asked, gesturing at my robe.
"I have. It's such hard work. I'm so tired and dirty..."
"Maybe we'd better hit the showers then." Sandusky stood up and walked seductively towards the shower room.
"Let me grab a couple of these crackers first," I replied. "Is this real provolone? Boy that tastes delicious!"
"So, after some crackers, I walked down to the showers. The water was already running and Sandusky had already made sure to add lots of Mr. Bubble. The scene was all set. This was it. No turning back now. I was about to be taken by the great assistant coach to Joe Paterno!
"Grab some tile, boy!" Sandusky barked at me. I turned around and felt my robe being lowered off my shoulders! Such tender, teasing touches Sandusky gave me! I've waited so long to feel the touch of a gentle football coach! My eyes closes and I leaned my head against the tile wall, the hot steamy water spraying my body. His breath was heavy, hot. He explored my body with those hands. Those hands that were so experienced. I let out a whimper as I felt his fingers slide in..."
In all my years of writing for ‘The New York Times’ have I never read such a moving, exciting, throbbing story of one young man’s quest for sexual fulfilment. It’s been reported to this newspaper that Mr. Wolf is already fielding offers from several movie studios to produce a film version of his erotic exploits. Until then, we’ll all just have to read the written version of this amazing Wolf and his quest for love and satisfaction.”
And there you have it. Once again the world’s furriest self-proclaimed half-Jew has proven once again that life isn’t always about working hard. Sometimes just nailing three-quarters of the Alaskan population, from greasy oilfield workers to the sexually-depraved Sarah Palin herself, is it’s own reward.
A reward that needs to be shared with the world.
See you on the talk show circuit, bitches!
~Adrik
But do not fear!
Yes, it is true that the first half of this year revolved around me working insane hours flying up to Barrow and Prudhoe six, even seven days a week, shuttling supplies and workers for Shell Oil. (Thank God for oil company contracts...I made out like a bandit in the cash flow department!)
But do not fret. It was not all working all hours of the day, sleeping in the Britten-Norman, struggling to have two minutes to myself to have any resemblance of my normal life.
No my friends, as much as I was out making money with my wings, this Pony was also out busy getting his Mogwai wet all over Alaska!
And with so many thrilling, steamy and sultry stories filling my head and video camera, I thought the best course of action was to put my hooves to the keyboard and type up my adventures in what will surely be this summer's hottest bestselling novel.
But perhaps I should let the following 'New York Times' article tell the riveting review:
*From the 27/May/2012 edition of 'The New York Times'-
'Fifty Shades Of Adrik', the steamy new novel that hit bookstores and Kindles only a few short weeks ago is already burning up the best-seller charts and redefining the way the world looks at erotic fiction.
USA Today writes: "This novel was disgustingly unnecessary"
Joel Stein from 'Time' magazine quotes: "Isn't there some other country we can ship Adrik Wolf to? Bolivia? Australia? Portugal? I mean come on. This sort of homo and hetero-erotic fiction is only good for starting forest fires and helping overweight housewives get off!"
Marsha Helig from Peoria, Illinois says: "The image of Adrik Wolf plowing so many guys and girls in the span of three months is strangely arousing. He's either the greatest lover ever or the strangest person ever. Oh he's Jewish? And a Furry? Oh well nevermind then."
And Aaron Phelps of Amazon.com reviews: "Did someone really write about a self-proclaimed half-Jew running around Alaska banging everyone in sight? I mean next you'll tell me there's a segment about getting raped at an East Coast University in this book..."
Actually there is. And readers will be treated to many of Adrik's other interesting and delicious escapades. The plot is as follows:
After returning home after working the hazardous airways of Alaska, our 'thick as a soup can' hero Adrik Wolf is picked up at the aeroport by the lonely 70-year-old billionaire widow of the CEO of Hasbro International. After being seduced by Adrik’s charms and desire to visit the Wasillia Outlet Mall for a much-needed haircut, the two dive into a tumultuous relationship that lasts the entire drive from Glennallen to Wasilla.
A passage:
“The ride in the back of her Town Car was uneventful. At least until she produced a stiff black riding crop and smacked it heavily against the supple leather seat.
“I hear that ‘My Little Pony’ is your favourite show to watch, Adrik.” she murred, eyes glinting with need. The riding crop made another sturdy ‘THWAPP!’ against the seat.
The suave Adrik Wolf only smiled and stood up, unbuttoning the fashionable and well-pressed Dockers pants he was wearing. “I want you to become well acquainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favourite and most cherished part of my body. I’m very attached to this.”
Adrik showed her the goods and she accepted the offering. The ride to Wasilla is long, but not long enough for all their earthly desires to be filled. “It slips down my throat, all seawater, salt, the sharp tang of citrus, and fleshiness… ooh. I lick my lips, and he’s watching me intently, his eyes hooded.” the hapless widow tells us in her own words.
The sex is explicit. Raw. Juicy. The riding crop is struck against Adrik’s supple, firm buttocks again and again. Somebody’s been a bad Pony…“I found some baby oil. Let me rub it on your behind.” “the elderly CEO squirts baby oil onto her hand and then rubs his behind with careful tenderness — from makeup remover to soothing balm for a spanked ass, who would have thought it was such a versatile liquid.”
The raunchiness comes to a brief halt once the hair salon is reached. Adrik, sporting a beautiful head of velvety brown hair, enters the salon only to be quickly accosted by the sultry hairdressers.
“ Our dear Adrik! What’s wrong? What did that creepy decrepit old billionaire bitch do?” “You have dreadful sex hair.” said one handsome hairdresser who’s name was Steve. But there was little time for pleasantries. Adrik was completely surrounded by the store full of beauty technicians. He was outnumbered, but he still managed to satisfy each employee, male and female, accordingly. No one was left unsatisfied!
And the hot scenes don’t stop there. From the dingy back storerooms of the Wasilla Outlet Mall’s many reasonably priced discount stores to the steamy bathhouses of Western Anchorage, Adrik leaves his sticky trail of hot Wolf-love all over Alaska.
Another squishy passage:
“I don’t remember reading about nipple clamps in the Bible.” Adrik whispered to the burly bathmaster. The taunt Russian bodybuilder only snorted and applied said clamps slowly, making sure the perk flesh of Adrik’s beautiful nipples received the full force of the metal jaws. This was followed by a laugh and splash of hot, teasing water.
“Dear Adrik, you are not just a pretty face. You’ve had six orgasms so far and all of them belong to me.” the bathmaster laughed boisterously. “Now time for some much needed manscaping!”
Be ready to grip the edge of your seat when Adrik recalls a lone night of sensual rape at Penn State back in the early 2000’s. The details are vivid. The showers are freshly cleaned. The robes are loose and there’s a wide assortment of body oils yearning for soft flesh.
Another passage to tease you with:
“It was about eight or nine years ago,” Adrik said, slowly unbuttoning the blouse of his female psychiatrist. "I was a young, bright-eyed and eager young Adrik Wolf, happy to be attending Penn State and already well-versed in the matters of the heart. I remember being in my sculpting class, posing nude for my fellow classmates to cast my impressive image in clay when the door opened.”
"Mr. Wolf?" asked an errand girl from the administrative office.
"Yes?" I replied, turning to give the supple freshman a view of my eighteen-year-old firm young goodie bag.
"Mr. Sandusky would like to see you down in the..."
"Men's locker room?" I finished for her, my eyes alight.
"Yeah.." she said uneasily.
"I'm on it." I replied. "Xavier, my robe!" I snapped my fingers. The spry young Brazilian exchange student quickly made with my blue robe and I stepped down from the platform. "You must finish all my ridges and curves by memory, my fellow classmates!" I announced loudly. "For I am off to the showers! Where I will receive the full college experience!"
"And with that, I made the long, thoughtful walk to Beaver Stadium. When I got to the Coach's office, Mr. Sandusky was already waiting for me. A spread of cheeses and crackers were on the desk. There was a bottle of Merlot in an ice bucket and pictures of various Little League baseball players on the walls. I could hear ’Lovin;, Touchin’, Squeezin’ by Journey playing on a radio. Jerry Sandusky was there, smelling of polished leather and reading the most recent edition of 'Boy's Life'.
"I'm here, Mr. Sandusky," I announced, loosening the strap of my robe. "I heard you yearned for my presence."
"I'm glad you came so soon." Sandusky replied. "Let's just hope that doesn't happen in the shower."
"I've waited all my teenage years for this," I replied coyly. "The thought of being violated by a football coach three times my age just has a certain allure to it."
"You been modelling again?' Sandusky asked, gesturing at my robe.
"I have. It's such hard work. I'm so tired and dirty..."
"Maybe we'd better hit the showers then." Sandusky stood up and walked seductively towards the shower room.
"Let me grab a couple of these crackers first," I replied. "Is this real provolone? Boy that tastes delicious!"
"So, after some crackers, I walked down to the showers. The water was already running and Sandusky had already made sure to add lots of Mr. Bubble. The scene was all set. This was it. No turning back now. I was about to be taken by the great assistant coach to Joe Paterno!
"Grab some tile, boy!" Sandusky barked at me. I turned around and felt my robe being lowered off my shoulders! Such tender, teasing touches Sandusky gave me! I've waited so long to feel the touch of a gentle football coach! My eyes closes and I leaned my head against the tile wall, the hot steamy water spraying my body. His breath was heavy, hot. He explored my body with those hands. Those hands that were so experienced. I let out a whimper as I felt his fingers slide in..."
In all my years of writing for ‘The New York Times’ have I never read such a moving, exciting, throbbing story of one young man’s quest for sexual fulfilment. It’s been reported to this newspaper that Mr. Wolf is already fielding offers from several movie studios to produce a film version of his erotic exploits. Until then, we’ll all just have to read the written version of this amazing Wolf and his quest for love and satisfaction.”
And there you have it. Once again the world’s furriest self-proclaimed half-Jew has proven once again that life isn’t always about working hard. Sometimes just nailing three-quarters of the Alaskan population, from greasy oilfield workers to the sexually-depraved Sarah Palin herself, is it’s own reward.
A reward that needs to be shared with the world.
See you on the talk show circuit, bitches!
~Adrik
*hugs...
V.
You're genius x)
Ahh yes...this was last summer when I decided to cash in on the phenomenon that was Fifty Shades of Grey. I just had to get my piece of the lonely housewife pie.
Just wait til next summer when the sequel comes out. Fifty More Shades Of Adrik.
That one involves me going to Russia on a gigolo exchange programme. Highjinks and lust ensue.
And thank you for the kind compliment. I don't consider myself a genius. Just a creative fur who likes to make others laugh for a moment or two with insane silliness!
*hugs*
~Adrik