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To any who read
13 years ago
General
Hey guys. Been a while again. I guess it's the norm for me to update sporadically on long events.
Well, its been about 3 weeks now since I received the news that my grandmother had passed away. Sadly, I still don't think I've set in place this loss yet, and I don't think the true grief of the event will hit me for some time. Allot of my friends spoke up and wanted to make sure I was alright. For the first week I pretty much kept busy doing things like not much had happened. If I stopped to think about it I would mentally get caught up while I still had so many other things to do. And I guess this concerned a few people. So it was a little surprising, even to me, when late one night I just got online and asked some friends for help. It was strange but I didn't want to talk to anyone I knew about everything that has been going on. Not that I don't trust my friends or anything like that but I just needed some help from someone else. (Special thank you to
cunningfox and 
dusk )
It didn't help that allot of other bad things occurred when we traveled for the funeral. I'll just say that we needed an ambulance at one point and nothing more for now.
In the last 4 years I have lost both my grandfathers, both my grandmothers, my aunt, and two of my 3 family cats. I have this overwhelming since of not being able to understand or truly deal with any of it. And being a person of no religion, it is hard for me to work out in my own head the emotions I feel.
But I have learned something. Something that didn't hit me until the funeral of my grandmother. Just prior to her passing I was able to see and visit with her on my way down through Texas. And I realized that I wanted mostly in my mind was the last time I saw her to be happy and pleasant with a smile. And what I've learned is, that when I was to pass away I'd want to go with a smile. I want people to know that I was ok, things would be alright, and to keep their memory alive.
This seems almost, very corny; maybe too serious to try and get across on the internet. But I felt like I needed to at least voice my opinion on the matter.
Thank you,
~Kins
Well, its been about 3 weeks now since I received the news that my grandmother had passed away. Sadly, I still don't think I've set in place this loss yet, and I don't think the true grief of the event will hit me for some time. Allot of my friends spoke up and wanted to make sure I was alright. For the first week I pretty much kept busy doing things like not much had happened. If I stopped to think about it I would mentally get caught up while I still had so many other things to do. And I guess this concerned a few people. So it was a little surprising, even to me, when late one night I just got online and asked some friends for help. It was strange but I didn't want to talk to anyone I knew about everything that has been going on. Not that I don't trust my friends or anything like that but I just needed some help from someone else. (Special thank you to
cunningfox and 
dusk ) It didn't help that allot of other bad things occurred when we traveled for the funeral. I'll just say that we needed an ambulance at one point and nothing more for now.
In the last 4 years I have lost both my grandfathers, both my grandmothers, my aunt, and two of my 3 family cats. I have this overwhelming since of not being able to understand or truly deal with any of it. And being a person of no religion, it is hard for me to work out in my own head the emotions I feel.
But I have learned something. Something that didn't hit me until the funeral of my grandmother. Just prior to her passing I was able to see and visit with her on my way down through Texas. And I realized that I wanted mostly in my mind was the last time I saw her to be happy and pleasant with a smile. And what I've learned is, that when I was to pass away I'd want to go with a smile. I want people to know that I was ok, things would be alright, and to keep their memory alive.
This seems almost, very corny; maybe too serious to try and get across on the internet. But I felt like I needed to at least voice my opinion on the matter.
Thank you,
~Kins
