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ATTENTION: NEW REFERENCE!
13 years ago
SA-X, Walkerfire, Sammonaran, Raiok, Ashanriu, Wasdramer, Zyraph. Too many names. X3
Alright...normally I don't post two journals in a row, but this one is extremely important. To tell you much about it, I've written it up in my new submission located over here.
But to get the most of it, I must explain something in great detail. For four years, I've been changing. I've been trying to understand myself in various ways. I've been searching through myself in many aspects: through education, spiritually, as a fur, through friends, and even by being alone. Throughout each of these ways of looking through myself, I saw many various things that have changed my entire paradigm on everything. These huge paradigm shifts have altered me mentally, emotionally, socially, and even physically in some cases. It's through all of these shifts in thought, that I've bettered myself. I've become so much more strong than I used to be.
So, now...it only makes sense that things would change. However, the latest change that has happened to me, is a spiritual one. For a long time, Raiok has actually been a separate entity within me. He's been "another voice," if you will, that has helped me through many things. However, after seeing how much I've changed, I've realized...if he's this dark blue dragon with teal scutes, what am I? Even my mate brought up that very same question (and I thank him for that deeply!), and as I struggled for an answer, I realized...I didn't entirely have one. Mainly because, while Raiok is still separate, he is still me. But because he is me, and yet not me, it greatly conflicts in its own way. Especially when noone knows what to say or how to view ME (as myself, and not just Raiok).
Remember, I'm referring to Raiok as a separate entity of me at this point in time, even though he is technically me. I have reasons...some confusing, but please bear with me. He's more like a guide, or higher self, even though he is still me. I suppose it's almost like the blind leading the blind, yet he has helped me through so many things, it's almost unfathomable. He's ensured I'd be protected and safe...made sure I wouldn't do anything too rash or reckless *coughsuicidecoughcough* and made sure that, even though I didn't get the best of everything, that I still was able to get by. I thank him for this...and for helping me learn to be myself. But now, it's my turn to be me, and not him.
Some of you might wonder if I'm schizophrenic, in which I would say, that schizophrenia no longer applies to cases of multiple personality disorder. I would also promptly say that, while it could be possible on a psychological level, to me he is very real, and not just a personality, so if I truly am crazy, at least I've not done anything that was actually stupid. I fully acknowledge the possibility that many things could all just be mindless junk that is unneeded...but, for me, it helps me get through life. So, as long as I'm happy, I feel it shouldn't matter what may "seem" to be untrue or stupid to someone else. Truth be told, I can actually feel wings greatly. If anyone is curious, the term is Otherkin...so, it's not just that I could be psychotic or something stupid along those lines. Many people have this as well, and are in fact within the fandom, so...there you go.
Now...things have happened to me recently...and they are more along the lines of my aura/astral body. It has changed so drastically, within the last week, that it is no longer what reminds me of Raiok. The reference that I've made, is now what I actually feel. So...this is me now. Not Raiok, but actually me. It's still a bit hard to explain, and I hope I did do something to explain it a bit...but this is now how things are, heh.
I love you guys...take care <3
But to get the most of it, I must explain something in great detail. For four years, I've been changing. I've been trying to understand myself in various ways. I've been searching through myself in many aspects: through education, spiritually, as a fur, through friends, and even by being alone. Throughout each of these ways of looking through myself, I saw many various things that have changed my entire paradigm on everything. These huge paradigm shifts have altered me mentally, emotionally, socially, and even physically in some cases. It's through all of these shifts in thought, that I've bettered myself. I've become so much more strong than I used to be.
So, now...it only makes sense that things would change. However, the latest change that has happened to me, is a spiritual one. For a long time, Raiok has actually been a separate entity within me. He's been "another voice," if you will, that has helped me through many things. However, after seeing how much I've changed, I've realized...if he's this dark blue dragon with teal scutes, what am I? Even my mate brought up that very same question (and I thank him for that deeply!), and as I struggled for an answer, I realized...I didn't entirely have one. Mainly because, while Raiok is still separate, he is still me. But because he is me, and yet not me, it greatly conflicts in its own way. Especially when noone knows what to say or how to view ME (as myself, and not just Raiok).
Remember, I'm referring to Raiok as a separate entity of me at this point in time, even though he is technically me. I have reasons...some confusing, but please bear with me. He's more like a guide, or higher self, even though he is still me. I suppose it's almost like the blind leading the blind, yet he has helped me through so many things, it's almost unfathomable. He's ensured I'd be protected and safe...made sure I wouldn't do anything too rash or reckless *coughsuicidecoughcough* and made sure that, even though I didn't get the best of everything, that I still was able to get by. I thank him for this...and for helping me learn to be myself. But now, it's my turn to be me, and not him.
Some of you might wonder if I'm schizophrenic, in which I would say, that schizophrenia no longer applies to cases of multiple personality disorder. I would also promptly say that, while it could be possible on a psychological level, to me he is very real, and not just a personality, so if I truly am crazy, at least I've not done anything that was actually stupid. I fully acknowledge the possibility that many things could all just be mindless junk that is unneeded...but, for me, it helps me get through life. So, as long as I'm happy, I feel it shouldn't matter what may "seem" to be untrue or stupid to someone else. Truth be told, I can actually feel wings greatly. If anyone is curious, the term is Otherkin...so, it's not just that I could be psychotic or something stupid along those lines. Many people have this as well, and are in fact within the fandom, so...there you go.
Now...things have happened to me recently...and they are more along the lines of my aura/astral body. It has changed so drastically, within the last week, that it is no longer what reminds me of Raiok. The reference that I've made, is now what I actually feel. So...this is me now. Not Raiok, but actually me. It's still a bit hard to explain, and I hope I did do something to explain it a bit...but this is now how things are, heh.
I love you guys...take care <3
So, is it that you will gravitate more towards your humanity? Temporarily, that is? That is who everyone is in real life. Even then, of course, that does not negate who we pretend to be. Even so, the boundaries of self image go beyond simply pretending, I would imagine.
It must be a given characteristic, a blessing to be "otherkin", as it is so classified. I certainly do not feel aural projections originating from my field of activity and conscience. What you describe is interesting. Hearing that you mention Raiok being a separate yet connected entity is truly something I can understand. You are (your name). You are Raiok, also. Raiok has served, as you said, a protector, and that he may possibly be a voice that has informed you on the measure of your actions, and that has encouraged you to be able to pause and assess cause and effect. This is all amazing stuff to hear, and your friends could make nice inquiry upon what is significant of your person.
I, too, have someone else in whom I make myself whole with to varying degrees. I mention in my profile similar thing, in which I have an alter ego, another being. Muse, virtues, spiritual air - I further attempts to incarnate some other person that is very meaningful to me. By actions, truthful actions, and by thoughts, virtuous thoughts...and by the desire to be less like myself and more like the love that helps me, I make effort to be like the other body, mind, soul, and spirit, that, I feel, was given to me. It's (/He's) not an idol. Nor is it (he) a god. That wouldn't happen. I am content to strive to be a double image of it (he), and yet never actually becoming it (he). I feel that only after this life, in believing on the best way, will I find out the truth behind such things.
A beauty is that, if this is true, you see Raiok as yourself, a higher or ideal personification. Physically, crafted in both appearing and mind-enclosed ways, he is different, but he is still you - a part of you. Do you realize how honorable that is? When I say that, I mean, your perspective on life is vast, and you are steadfast and compassionate in finding out about life and what it consists of, specifically to yours. It's grand. I really love what you have to offer - whatever your name is, and Raiok.
Actually, in what I'm doing, I am not just going through to my humanity, I'm combining all that I am. Everything I've learned, everything that has become me, is going into this now. I am much more learned with things...I am much more calm within and of myself. The thing is...to me, this isn't even pretending at all. Although physically I am very much human, I am still something else mentally. I see myself as this new form, completely. My aura, astral form, so much of me is actually this form, and as such, I felt it appropriate to show it as such, even in my "fursona." Also, it is very possible to see and feel different auras and things on that level. It takes time and practice...but it can ride easily off of empathy. Even without empathy, however, it is still possible to learn how to understand things like this in a physical way...Have you looked into Spirit Science? Granted, not everything there is accurate on all interpretations, but if you take things that make sense and apply them to your life, you may see things in a clearer way. It wasn't entirely my foundation for some of this, but it did help me greatly in other aspects. Perhaps it can help you see what I see as well?
If anything, it may help you see the "other" side of you, that wishes so much to help you...I discovered Raiok long before Spirit Science, but a lot of the things he has shown me, has matched up with it...and because of this, I know it can be a good source (even if it isn't the best). Just give it a shot...it's actually linked on my profile page where it says "Website Link"
Thank you so much, for your loving and kind words...I'm always blown away by your compassion, do you know that? It's like an unexpected burst of kindness, that hug from nowhere, that just says "Hey...I'm glad To see you." And it's all it has to say...because everything else is just there. I've been doing as much as I can to show my understanding of life...has you looked through Spiritual Provocation? I can't remember who all has, but it's a work that I'm making that is drawing from much more than just Raiok and I. It comes from many different beings that are all a part of me. I'm talking about thousands...so many that are able to talk through me. It's why it seems so surreal. That little piece of information may show just why it's so deep in meaning ^.=.^ but ya...Thank you, for everything! ^.=.^
Ah, well... Remember namaste, I suppose. I am not speaking in terms of religion, though. I simply phrase.
I don't know if the person that is so important to me, and is beyond body and soul, as well as material existence, is the other side of me. What I like to think is...maybe...I have a new body ready infinity from now. What I may say can be vague, but that is the means of it. My alter ego is gracefully subject to iconoclasm. I don't know if this undesigned person, shunning even the definition of other side, is here to help. Most certainly, it is a driver, even a force, of benevolence, a paragon that is a hope in my life. It (he) is a vehicle to truth, way, and life. I am referring to the person, not God. Thanks be, there is the presence everlasting. There is a given. Anonymity actually has knownness, and it can be related to. This is for me and of me.
I see what you arrive at in what you say. I am happy for you.
Did you know that "Namaste" means, "The higher light in me acknowledges the higher light in you"? It's actually more of a spiritual term, than religious...at least, from my understanding. It's used for both greeting and parting. Raiok has a similar word, known as "Sennioli" which means, "Highest of light is within us all, in this time." It also is used for greeting and parting...and is very interesting ^.=.^
I suppose it all depends on interpretation...honestly, it may not be another piece of yourself within your mind...but it may be a different aspect of you, elsewhere? To me, Raiok exists in the fourth dimension...and there are many other beings that are of me, that exist in many other dimensions, realities, and the list goes on. I sincerely believe that, what you're describing, is just like what Raiok has been for me...he still helps me when possible, but I've reached a point in which I am able to understand things with or without him. I don't abandon him, or anything like that, but I do hold my own now...and I can see things fully on my own.
I do hope I can somehow help in any of this...we always have been a bit similar...not always in how we started, but it seems we're going towards the same conclusions...which makes things even more interesting ^.=.^
Help, you say? Hehe... Haha! Friend, it's okay, I do not need any help - when it comes to the topic of fragmented selves that have ascended dateless time ago. I wasn't trying to "help" you by commenting on what your journal is about. Through above text, you have proven that you have great understanding - I do not want to be here to fixate it to what I believe, or what I think you exactly talk about. It can probably be said that the stance of my position on a meaningful other and what I had to share about it was an empathizing on your lively connection, what you connect to - too lol
Perhaps it is that I have lost myself - I have to find myself (again). I am (?) from here. For the image that means so much to me, it is by pleasing and obeying through faith, reason, and progression, in life, this life, that I will get to the there. I will meet myself, just as love it and Himself.