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<Insert catchy journal title here>
7 years ago
SA-X, Walkerfire, Sammonaran, Raiok, Ashanriu, Wasdramer, Zyraph. Too many names. X3
I can't believe I've gone a whole year without making one journal entry. Ok, fine, I actually can believe it, but it was not intentional. I've just had that many things going on, plus a major depression spell that had lasted for most of that time. So, I'll fill you guys in, since I know quite a few of you have been worried, and I really am sorry for worrying anyone, it's just been that long of a journey for me to finally find myself in a more stable condition.
So, let's start at the end of last year. I moved and changed jobs, both of which were probably not entirely the best things for me like I thought, but it did help in some aspects. I started working at Speedway (for the second time), this time doing nights, which was not very healthy for my depression. The move started rocky, though it did eventually get better, and it has been pretty positive overall.
I have made a couple of friends, and they have helped me a lot through my depression. However, I misjudged just how badly off I really was, and now I have a more thorough explanation for my condition. For the first half of 2018, it's really more of a blur. I was on a few antidepressants, and they took me off of Adderall. I took a test to see how well I could focus, and found that I actually have more ability to focus than the average person. So, why did I exhibit so many signs of ADHD without actually having it? We had to dig deeper.
For the second half of 2018, I was still depressed and was also having a mental breakdown every week, sometimes twice in one week. My medication was being switched a bit during all of this, just to see what would help more, not just for my depression, but also my motivation. I started working two jobs, literally having just enough time to eat before sleeping, and then waking up maybe 4-5 hours later to go back at it again. My depression got so bad, that I quit Speedway without any notice, literally coming in for my shift and then telling them I couldn't work there anymore, and left. I've never done that before, and while that was a hard decision to make (my insurance was covered through them), it was a choice that helped me overall.
Within the last three months, it's been concluded that I have a chemical imbalance that causes depression, ADHD-like symptoms, very high anxiety, and a huge lack of motivation to the point that it was hard to even want to do anything for myself. I will be taking drugs for the rest of my life to treat this imbalance, as it is too problematic to cope without medication. Unless they find another way to treat my condition, I have to take medication for this. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but my life has improved overall, so I am getting better at least.
I have enough motivation to finally start my computer business, and I've started taking steps towards that end. My only real issue is funding, but I'll hopefully figure that out really soon. I have a lot of preparations to do for it as well, so that will be fun to work on.
Where does this leave me with the furry community? I'm still very much a furry, that much will never change, especially since I still see myself as a dragon. I may not be very active on here, but of course you all know that. I'm not really sure where this takes me yet. I'll still try to keep active, but there's still a lot of things to do to get my life set up more.
OH! I almost forgot the most important news out of all of this! I got married to my mate of five years back in May! We post-dated it for April 15th, since that's when we started dating all that time ago. He's the love of my life, and has helped me through so much of my troubled times.
In other news, my grandmother has been getting progressively worse. She has dementia, and my mother has gotten herself therapy because she's had to deal with her so much. My oldest brother has forced a quick-sale of my grandmother's house through his Power of Attorney, so eventually that will be sold.
I'm improving my life, one bit at a time. It's not been easy, and I'm grateful to everyone who has helped me make it this far. I know it's not been very easy for those watching from afar, but I am making progress. It takes a lot of time and I've been making a lot of effort. I appreciate everyone who has helped me through all of this.
And now, I'm going to take a nap :3
So, let's start at the end of last year. I moved and changed jobs, both of which were probably not entirely the best things for me like I thought, but it did help in some aspects. I started working at Speedway (for the second time), this time doing nights, which was not very healthy for my depression. The move started rocky, though it did eventually get better, and it has been pretty positive overall.
I have made a couple of friends, and they have helped me a lot through my depression. However, I misjudged just how badly off I really was, and now I have a more thorough explanation for my condition. For the first half of 2018, it's really more of a blur. I was on a few antidepressants, and they took me off of Adderall. I took a test to see how well I could focus, and found that I actually have more ability to focus than the average person. So, why did I exhibit so many signs of ADHD without actually having it? We had to dig deeper.
For the second half of 2018, I was still depressed and was also having a mental breakdown every week, sometimes twice in one week. My medication was being switched a bit during all of this, just to see what would help more, not just for my depression, but also my motivation. I started working two jobs, literally having just enough time to eat before sleeping, and then waking up maybe 4-5 hours later to go back at it again. My depression got so bad, that I quit Speedway without any notice, literally coming in for my shift and then telling them I couldn't work there anymore, and left. I've never done that before, and while that was a hard decision to make (my insurance was covered through them), it was a choice that helped me overall.
Within the last three months, it's been concluded that I have a chemical imbalance that causes depression, ADHD-like symptoms, very high anxiety, and a huge lack of motivation to the point that it was hard to even want to do anything for myself. I will be taking drugs for the rest of my life to treat this imbalance, as it is too problematic to cope without medication. Unless they find another way to treat my condition, I have to take medication for this. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but my life has improved overall, so I am getting better at least.
I have enough motivation to finally start my computer business, and I've started taking steps towards that end. My only real issue is funding, but I'll hopefully figure that out really soon. I have a lot of preparations to do for it as well, so that will be fun to work on.
Where does this leave me with the furry community? I'm still very much a furry, that much will never change, especially since I still see myself as a dragon. I may not be very active on here, but of course you all know that. I'm not really sure where this takes me yet. I'll still try to keep active, but there's still a lot of things to do to get my life set up more.
OH! I almost forgot the most important news out of all of this! I got married to my mate of five years back in May! We post-dated it for April 15th, since that's when we started dating all that time ago. He's the love of my life, and has helped me through so much of my troubled times.
In other news, my grandmother has been getting progressively worse. She has dementia, and my mother has gotten herself therapy because she's had to deal with her so much. My oldest brother has forced a quick-sale of my grandmother's house through his Power of Attorney, so eventually that will be sold.
I'm improving my life, one bit at a time. It's not been easy, and I'm grateful to everyone who has helped me make it this far. I know it's not been very easy for those watching from afar, but I am making progress. It takes a lot of time and I've been making a lot of effort. I appreciate everyone who has helped me through all of this.
And now, I'm going to take a nap :3
