Alright, this is a very special journal, as it's about something I never thought I'd start doing. I'm actually going to open up commissions soon. This really is something I never thought I'd do, as I just wanted to share my written works with the world, free of charge. So, what made me change my mind? Well, actually it's quite simple. And believe it or not, it's because of a man that I never met.

Firstly, I must thank Athus. I never knew him, and I've heard a lot of good about him...I never looked at anything about him, I never watched any videos about him or anything...everything I'm going on is by the experience of others. I heard a very slight negative about him, but I've heard so much more good about him...so I believe he did much more good than bad, and because of that, I have to say that I'm glad he was able to show such kindness to others. I know that the kindest of people do everything they can to show they care...they may make some mistakes, but everyone does that, and I cannot hold a negative to someone if they've done so much more positive. I try to stay away from the topic of Athus because I never knew him, and I didn't want to be caught up in the talk of him. When I think of someone, I don't want to feel the pain that others have because they may no longer be around...I'm too sensitive to that, and I mean no disrespect, but I like to think of the good that has been done by someone like Athus, and not think about how tragic his death was. Yes, I'm saying it...I can't handle everyone talking about Athus because I feel too much pain from the subject, despite it not being any of my own. That's why I don't ever talk about him. It's no disrespect towards him..but when everyone talks about how painful it was that he's no longer here, they ignore the memory he wished to create, which is, to simply enjoy life and be yourself. If you're too gripped on him not being here, then how are you living your own life?

Now...I don't know Athus, but I do know Tealeon. I know him very well, and because of IFC, it made it possible for me to get to know him very quickly, and very well. Despite me not knowing Athus, in his own way through Tealeon, inspired me to open up commissions. And here is the whole reason why: I don't really care about money.

That's right. I'm opening up commissions because I don't care about money. Let me guess, it makes absolutely no sense to you, does it? Well, here is where I go into explaining what I mean. I really hate money and how it controls many aspects of our lives...from education, to living, to health, and even just eating or drinking water. However...I want to do something with money for others. I want to do quite a few things...the biggest is, I want to move close to  cithan. He is the love of my life, and I don't really care who knows...I want to spend my life with him, and I'll do anything to make that a reality. The second thing is, I know I'll have to make some amount of money for living. I need to support myself somehow...but I'll be supplementing commissions with something else, probably computer repair. So, my prices for what I plan to charge will probably be lower than most people.

So...what am I going to be doing with the money after I move, and when I can sustain myself? That's even more simple...I'll be supporting the artists of this community and probably buy quite a few gifts for those I care about and love. At conventions, I'll try to share what wealth I have in order to make others happy...to cheer others up when they're down, to give them a reason to have a good time at whatever con I may attend. I actually want to be popular now...I used to be very popular in my own right, but I regretted it because I just couldn't handle much. I was in a lot of pain, and it corrupted me...but now, I want to be popular in order to show kindness to others. I used to be popular for the same reason, except I was suffering so much because I refused to open myself to much of anyone...I only wanted to help others, I didn't want to feel like a burden to anyone or ask for help. But that was a horrible thought...because, if I'm in pain, I can't help anyone. So, I'm more open than I used to be...and I'll always talk to anyone I can, and show them I care.

Tealeon has inspired this in me. Athus, despite me not even watching or looking at anything relating to him, still lives on in me...and in Tealeon, and in so many others...we all refuse to fit the thoughtform of a traditional "popfur" or "popufur" or "popular furry"...I may not be that popular on here yet, but I know over 1000 people from multiple places...I can use that in a constructive way, instead of a destructive manner. I can use that to help others. I can help people in many ways, and show kindness however I can...I'm not always the best at keeping in touch with so many people, but I try my hardest...so, be persistent if I don't get back with you that quickly. I care about everyone...I truly do...just keep trying...I'll eventually talk, I just don't always know how.

So, I'm opening commissions for this reason and these thoughts.  tealeon, you changed my life...I don't usually share much of my gift of writing, but...when you told me how Athus inspired you, how it was him that got you to try your hardest to carry on his legacy, despite not drawing or anything of that nature, then it was at that moment I asked myself...I looked into my heart and asked, "If this gentle soul can do everything in his power to show love and kindness on a grand scale, without anything more than just being there for others...Why can't I use my gifts to show my kindness to others, and also try to be there for them?" I want to open my heart and mind to showing what I can do with my life...I'm tired of holding myself back...I'm tired, and weary, of living in fear of what others will think of me, every step of the way. I'm done looking into the "what if's" in life, and I'm going to create my own reality. One where I can be free to be who I am, I can set myself free now and actually live my life for once. IFC gave me the chance to express myself without fear...I was more open there than I've ever been anywhere else, except online. I was able to stop worrying, and start "existing" as I am, as myself, and not hold back any part of myself. I was liberated from the fear of being in pain...completely.

I am free...I can be whoever I want to be...and who I want to be, is myself...I can stop hiding and running in fear...I can smile...and laugh...and just be in the moment, without a care in the world...It wasn't always the perfect experience all the time, but even when it wasn't, you and  talla were both there for me...I keep mentioning them both in my journals, and in some of my comments...I can't help it, they've both helped me so much...so truly...I just can't stop thinking about their kindness...it's so deep...it's so powerful...I really can't say much more because I am literally freezing when it comes to words.

Thank you, to everyone that has supported me. I'm not able to focus now...just writing all of that took everything out of me. I can't think of how to end this...this was from my heart...I love you all...please take care...you're all amazing in your own ways...never forget that, for I care about all of you!