Firstly, everyone check this picture that my mate drew: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8658280/


Yes, go now, I'll wait ;3






Alright, now that you did, I want to explain something. Last night, I posted something as a submission that was...probably not a good depiction of myself. It started off as how I can be, and how I tend to react to things, and suddenly it turned into...well, memories of my past. I don't know why...it just happened. Due to this, I spent most of the night talking to my mate and to  killthetsar, trying desperately to understand why others even give a damn about me...Yes, I know people care, and I know it sounds incredibly stupid, but it's hard for me to understand that emotionally when, most of my life, except four years, I meant pretty much nothing to anyone. So you can see very quickly why I feel that way.

The other side of that is, I'm a hypocrite. I try to get others to see that I care, and that I just want them to be happy, and yet here I am, not understanding why others care about me. I actually feel I might be a bit Autistic, and it's not just because of this...there are many factors that could contribute to that (always feeling like I'm different from everyone else, not understanding some people, my empathy is off the charts, I have learning disabilities but they're not severe enough to warrant anyone to actually address them, I lack coordination in my fingers when it comes to using something as simple as chopsticks, I had to take speech therapy when I was starting elementary school so ever since I tried learning Japanese it really didn't work out so well...and yes, I can keep going with this list)...but, honestly, I just can't understand why others care about me...I really can't...I've tried everything to understand this on my own, and even by listening to others...the pain always comes back. I suppose, after so long of others not giving a damn, I expect that more than a shred of kindness...which is probably why I try my hardest to be kind, to the point I can't even try to hurt anyone.

Oh well, enough ranting...the last thing I wanted to say is, I still have commissions open and not one slot has been taken. I actually wanted to do commissions, I'm actually inspired to do them, and not even one has been requested. That hurts too...I'm not asking for a pity commission, I just really want to do something nice for someone...maybe I'm just going about it all wrong...I don't know anymore.

Ten slots still open for anyone wanting to get a commission. My prices aren't that bad, hell, it's all pretty much under $10...oh well.