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should I send this letter to my father? (warning, deep shit)
13 years ago
Hey, dad, listen, I just wanted you to be aware of just what I've got going on here... I spent several hundred dollars down there out of my own pocket, and since I came home with the PT, in addition to what you have given me... and there is still another 1800 dollars worth of work on the estimate given to me by the guys at the Meineke that gives (my employer censored) a discount on services, which doesn't include the following
-replacing the front brakes again because something (caliper?) is warping and ruining one of the rotors, the FR rotor is shot again already, it wobbles and pops when braking...
-replacing the windshield
-wiring up the safety systems
-alignment
-checking for the "problem" with the electrical system (remember, the lights flicker and dim during normal operation?)
-dealing with the air conditioner (could do this myself...but its something else on the list)
-there is a faint smell of burning SOMETHING, sometimes like burning wire, other times a little hint of exhaust, that will crop up for about a minute or so every other night, barely long enough for me to notice...
-front end pops a little now, almost like a faulty CV or tie rod
-coolant system boils out over time, runs hot when it does
-still dunno what the "exhaust issue" is
I don't like driving the car as is because it has faulty safety systems, as well as an unreliable drivetrain, unreliable brakes, and a faulty electrical system... what would you think if something happened and I got hurt driving this car? I only accepted it because I had no other choice...it was take the PT and pray, or lose my job... and now I'm stuck with another choice, do something, or lose my job...I'm going to do something, I'm going to get another car, one that is at least as reliable as the PT would be if it was fixed... in order to get the PT to "good" shape, I would have to spend a minumum of 2500 dollars, or "deal" with certain issues and drive down to arkansas to get help fixing it... all said and done, four thousand dollars in "work" to have a car that, realistically would be worth 1000-1500... I couldn't even expect a thousand dollars from it as a trade in...
When I left the miata down there at christmas, I left steven with a car that was running, driving, and the only THREE issues it had aren't really even issues... I THOUGHT the a/c was leaking but it really wasn't, so not a problem, I said the shocks would need replaced but its not crucial, and there was an "electrical" problem but it was just that steven had apparently pinched the speaker wire under the driver seat. I'd done it once, its something that i learned to watch for when i took the seats out. the markets i'm finding for the miata in that shape are 2000-3000, and requires no real work, and is a great platform to start from for a build project... In fact, if I hadn't given it up it would probably already have performance suspension and a turbo kit installed...after that all i'd ever wanted for it was a rollbar... Steven had originally tried to give me a "turbo eclipse" and even after realizing it was a base eclipse i was still willing, were it in any good shape...but we know how THAT turned out... truck issues aside lets just move to the PT, I (and steven) was told it was a GT model PT cruiser, which was if you recall one of the things i was looking at back in 05. The story was "he was driving across the yard like 15 miles an hour and clipped a tree dodging an animal.it JUST needed these pieces replaced, and new tires, and the windshield" after the front end parts were replaced "its fixed, runs good" cept i was never told about the extent of body damage and the other issues, such as electrical not working, brakes... water boiling... so assuming that it was "good to go" I told steven to take it and get the alignment done on it because "shade tree alignments aren't perfect...and if there are any frame problems the alignment shop will tell you about them..." but of course, this was never done... So I get down there, we take it to get the alignment and...long story short, the guy who sold it to steven admitted it got put into a ditch and was surprised we were driving it...the car had frame damage, it wasn't even a turbo model, it was the BASE model... I lost out on 3 weeks of work, only one of which was planned (funeral)... I'm sorry but even though it was forgiven I'm still pissed about being STRANDED for two weeks, missing work... I love you guys but I have my own life and when things threaten that it OFFENDS me... and right now this car is STILL threatening my life, my ability to make money for me and my loved ones to spend time together and fucking BE...
I haven't been asking for a HANDOUT... I've been asking for help getting a LOAN from SOMEONE who fucking cares and trusts me... clearly such a person doesn't exist that is capable, apparently...so I've gotta deal with the situation as it has been dealt to me... a lifetime of trying to do the right thing and all i have to show for it is broken dreams and a broken heart showered with broken promises... I don't WANT the PT, I don't even LIKE it, because it is a disaster... I don't trust it, it SCARES me because I never know if its going to leave me stranded on the side of the road, or worse... every time i pass someone on the main road as they walk the sidewalk i wonder if I could keep it from hitting them were the steering to fail for whatever reason... I've had multiple mechanics (meineke, and two of my coworkers one who is a senior at the local auto-institute and another who is a veteran of the auto industry who works pizza delivery for "fun money") tell me it is not worth wasting my time with... and that I would be better off with something that hadn't been wrecked...
but of course I can't get a sanctioned loan because between my attempts to please everyone and nobody else living up to their end of legitimate agreements, my credit is...less than pleasing... grandma leaving me high and dry on satellite bill after it was agreed I would split that when we lived over on the highway, resulting in a rather hefty cancellation bill... clara fucking my taxes up and getting a 5500 dollar IRS judgement against me, meaning I haven't gotten a tax return since 2005 (a detail which i'd like to point out, had not happened any other financial issues i HAVE encountered could have easily been resolved every spring)... then lets just move onto the van... a reposession is a rather ugly black eye on your credit ESPECIALLY when searching for a car loan... I left the van down there in exchange for the miata, i'd given at that point over 10 grand, and it was more useful to you guys anyway so all I wanted was "what was necessary to get the miata up to snuff" and in fact the last thing i'd asked for help with was the brakes, and i'd only needed like 150-200 on a 650 dollar brake job... but anywho, you guys let the van get reposessed... in fact, the only things on my credit that are genuinely "my fault" are my capital one card, my er bill from dardanelle, and the bills from when I lost my apartment back in 2010, because Richard wouldn't loan me 500 bucks to keep it using the truck as collateral (the truck was mine at the time it was loaned to Richard, iirc "sure, I have the van now, and i'd be happy to help my brother, since he needs a car to replace the roadmaster...") so, total i'd say about 1000-1200 dollars of my nearly 10k in current debt... but what can I say, I tried to do the right thing, I tried to help... I've always tried to help, and what have I gotten, "friends" offering to fix my jaguar and then taking the insurance check, and the car sitting for 5 years until i had to sell it at a loss.. even after it got backed over michelle offered 1500 for it, but i ended up selling it to royce for 800... so almost a 3 grand loss on my part thanks to ken... the accord I'm not gonna get into any more than "i'd already done my fair share of the work THREE TIMES, it was NOT lazy and shit to say MIKE COULD DO IT HIMSELF" so lets just look at the times i've had to cut my losses...
camaro
hyundai
the C10
charger
civic
accord
jaguar
now the PT...
I'm done... I'm not trusting this kind of "help" anymore...I just hope I can manage to pull myself out of this hole everyone else has dug for me by the time i'm FORTY!
-replacing the front brakes again because something (caliper?) is warping and ruining one of the rotors, the FR rotor is shot again already, it wobbles and pops when braking...
-replacing the windshield
-wiring up the safety systems
-alignment
-checking for the "problem" with the electrical system (remember, the lights flicker and dim during normal operation?)
-dealing with the air conditioner (could do this myself...but its something else on the list)
-there is a faint smell of burning SOMETHING, sometimes like burning wire, other times a little hint of exhaust, that will crop up for about a minute or so every other night, barely long enough for me to notice...
-front end pops a little now, almost like a faulty CV or tie rod
-coolant system boils out over time, runs hot when it does
-still dunno what the "exhaust issue" is
I don't like driving the car as is because it has faulty safety systems, as well as an unreliable drivetrain, unreliable brakes, and a faulty electrical system... what would you think if something happened and I got hurt driving this car? I only accepted it because I had no other choice...it was take the PT and pray, or lose my job... and now I'm stuck with another choice, do something, or lose my job...I'm going to do something, I'm going to get another car, one that is at least as reliable as the PT would be if it was fixed... in order to get the PT to "good" shape, I would have to spend a minumum of 2500 dollars, or "deal" with certain issues and drive down to arkansas to get help fixing it... all said and done, four thousand dollars in "work" to have a car that, realistically would be worth 1000-1500... I couldn't even expect a thousand dollars from it as a trade in...
When I left the miata down there at christmas, I left steven with a car that was running, driving, and the only THREE issues it had aren't really even issues... I THOUGHT the a/c was leaking but it really wasn't, so not a problem, I said the shocks would need replaced but its not crucial, and there was an "electrical" problem but it was just that steven had apparently pinched the speaker wire under the driver seat. I'd done it once, its something that i learned to watch for when i took the seats out. the markets i'm finding for the miata in that shape are 2000-3000, and requires no real work, and is a great platform to start from for a build project... In fact, if I hadn't given it up it would probably already have performance suspension and a turbo kit installed...after that all i'd ever wanted for it was a rollbar... Steven had originally tried to give me a "turbo eclipse" and even after realizing it was a base eclipse i was still willing, were it in any good shape...but we know how THAT turned out... truck issues aside lets just move to the PT, I (and steven) was told it was a GT model PT cruiser, which was if you recall one of the things i was looking at back in 05. The story was "he was driving across the yard like 15 miles an hour and clipped a tree dodging an animal.it JUST needed these pieces replaced, and new tires, and the windshield" after the front end parts were replaced "its fixed, runs good" cept i was never told about the extent of body damage and the other issues, such as electrical not working, brakes... water boiling... so assuming that it was "good to go" I told steven to take it and get the alignment done on it because "shade tree alignments aren't perfect...and if there are any frame problems the alignment shop will tell you about them..." but of course, this was never done... So I get down there, we take it to get the alignment and...long story short, the guy who sold it to steven admitted it got put into a ditch and was surprised we were driving it...the car had frame damage, it wasn't even a turbo model, it was the BASE model... I lost out on 3 weeks of work, only one of which was planned (funeral)... I'm sorry but even though it was forgiven I'm still pissed about being STRANDED for two weeks, missing work... I love you guys but I have my own life and when things threaten that it OFFENDS me... and right now this car is STILL threatening my life, my ability to make money for me and my loved ones to spend time together and fucking BE...
I haven't been asking for a HANDOUT... I've been asking for help getting a LOAN from SOMEONE who fucking cares and trusts me... clearly such a person doesn't exist that is capable, apparently...so I've gotta deal with the situation as it has been dealt to me... a lifetime of trying to do the right thing and all i have to show for it is broken dreams and a broken heart showered with broken promises... I don't WANT the PT, I don't even LIKE it, because it is a disaster... I don't trust it, it SCARES me because I never know if its going to leave me stranded on the side of the road, or worse... every time i pass someone on the main road as they walk the sidewalk i wonder if I could keep it from hitting them were the steering to fail for whatever reason... I've had multiple mechanics (meineke, and two of my coworkers one who is a senior at the local auto-institute and another who is a veteran of the auto industry who works pizza delivery for "fun money") tell me it is not worth wasting my time with... and that I would be better off with something that hadn't been wrecked...
but of course I can't get a sanctioned loan because between my attempts to please everyone and nobody else living up to their end of legitimate agreements, my credit is...less than pleasing... grandma leaving me high and dry on satellite bill after it was agreed I would split that when we lived over on the highway, resulting in a rather hefty cancellation bill... clara fucking my taxes up and getting a 5500 dollar IRS judgement against me, meaning I haven't gotten a tax return since 2005 (a detail which i'd like to point out, had not happened any other financial issues i HAVE encountered could have easily been resolved every spring)... then lets just move onto the van... a reposession is a rather ugly black eye on your credit ESPECIALLY when searching for a car loan... I left the van down there in exchange for the miata, i'd given at that point over 10 grand, and it was more useful to you guys anyway so all I wanted was "what was necessary to get the miata up to snuff" and in fact the last thing i'd asked for help with was the brakes, and i'd only needed like 150-200 on a 650 dollar brake job... but anywho, you guys let the van get reposessed... in fact, the only things on my credit that are genuinely "my fault" are my capital one card, my er bill from dardanelle, and the bills from when I lost my apartment back in 2010, because Richard wouldn't loan me 500 bucks to keep it using the truck as collateral (the truck was mine at the time it was loaned to Richard, iirc "sure, I have the van now, and i'd be happy to help my brother, since he needs a car to replace the roadmaster...") so, total i'd say about 1000-1200 dollars of my nearly 10k in current debt... but what can I say, I tried to do the right thing, I tried to help... I've always tried to help, and what have I gotten, "friends" offering to fix my jaguar and then taking the insurance check, and the car sitting for 5 years until i had to sell it at a loss.. even after it got backed over michelle offered 1500 for it, but i ended up selling it to royce for 800... so almost a 3 grand loss on my part thanks to ken... the accord I'm not gonna get into any more than "i'd already done my fair share of the work THREE TIMES, it was NOT lazy and shit to say MIKE COULD DO IT HIMSELF" so lets just look at the times i've had to cut my losses...
camaro
hyundai
the C10
charger
civic
accord
jaguar
now the PT...
I'm done... I'm not trusting this kind of "help" anymore...I just hope I can manage to pull myself out of this hole everyone else has dug for me by the time i'm FORTY!
Dad, I'm finally realizing that you guys raised me to blindly trust family and instilled a desire to help them, and in doing so you've effectively ruined half of my life... thank you...