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Not-so-new-year
6 years ago
Well, the year is almost a tenth of the way through, so I might ought start thinking about those resolutions.
-lose weight > duh. who doesn't end up with this one lol. Actually not a big one though, and I'm getting there a little at a time. goal, 140-150, same as I weighed in high school.
-be a better pet > I'm having a little trouble keeping up with this one so far but not for a lack of inspiration. Starting to play catch-up though so *crosses her fingers* I'm working on a variety of projects that should help me here...
-get my old job back > former boss ran me off because he couldn't stand me (correction, he couldn't stand LGBT folks) and he overworked me until I screwed up and fired me. Come to find out the bastard ripped off the company... Been long enough, and the district manager revealed to a friend that just went back that he never had a problem with me himself... so maybe I can get back in there... but only for part time this time.
-Gain ground with medical needs. I am gonna try and get my medical rec for Arkansas, since our MMJ program is finally going to go green. If I can, it won't affect occupational security as our state law forbids employers from using a medical rec against an employee... Also would like to finally start HRT... my cousin once told me she figured I'd be happier as a girl and I completely dismissed the idea... and that was 2004? 2005? Girl knew me since I was a wee lass playing Barbies with her... Maybe she knew what she was talking about XD took me nearly another decade and change to reach the same decision on my own. Folks are already completely aware of it... most folks around me know, and nobody has actually confronted me about it. To the contrary, actually, most people are super nice and ask me reasonable questions...like the girl at the store close to the house asks me about how I do my nails sometimes, cuz I layer different coats on them to change how they look.
-fix up my house > seriously, I may prefer pink frills, big plushies, and lipstick... but I gotta grab the tool belt and fix some non-emergency electrical issues and do some other knick knack crap... Some of this is actually on a soft deadline so the sooner I get these things hammered out the better
-STAY HOPEFUL :) sometimes this is a problem with me... I struggle every once in a while to believe that I'm worth anything... Think Bojack's self deprecating internal monologues... "I'm a piece of shit and I ruin everything and everyone around me" kinda crap...
...I'm sure I'll remember more that I need to worry about.
Keep it real, everyone. Hope you stay well this year. <3
-lose weight > duh. who doesn't end up with this one lol. Actually not a big one though, and I'm getting there a little at a time. goal, 140-150, same as I weighed in high school.
-be a better pet > I'm having a little trouble keeping up with this one so far but not for a lack of inspiration. Starting to play catch-up though so *crosses her fingers* I'm working on a variety of projects that should help me here...
-get my old job back > former boss ran me off because he couldn't stand me (correction, he couldn't stand LGBT folks) and he overworked me until I screwed up and fired me. Come to find out the bastard ripped off the company... Been long enough, and the district manager revealed to a friend that just went back that he never had a problem with me himself... so maybe I can get back in there... but only for part time this time.
-Gain ground with medical needs. I am gonna try and get my medical rec for Arkansas, since our MMJ program is finally going to go green. If I can, it won't affect occupational security as our state law forbids employers from using a medical rec against an employee... Also would like to finally start HRT... my cousin once told me she figured I'd be happier as a girl and I completely dismissed the idea... and that was 2004? 2005? Girl knew me since I was a wee lass playing Barbies with her... Maybe she knew what she was talking about XD took me nearly another decade and change to reach the same decision on my own. Folks are already completely aware of it... most folks around me know, and nobody has actually confronted me about it. To the contrary, actually, most people are super nice and ask me reasonable questions...like the girl at the store close to the house asks me about how I do my nails sometimes, cuz I layer different coats on them to change how they look.
-fix up my house > seriously, I may prefer pink frills, big plushies, and lipstick... but I gotta grab the tool belt and fix some non-emergency electrical issues and do some other knick knack crap... Some of this is actually on a soft deadline so the sooner I get these things hammered out the better
-STAY HOPEFUL :) sometimes this is a problem with me... I struggle every once in a while to believe that I'm worth anything... Think Bojack's self deprecating internal monologues... "I'm a piece of shit and I ruin everything and everyone around me" kinda crap...
...I'm sure I'll remember more that I need to worry about.
Keep it real, everyone. Hope you stay well this year. <3
Ya'know, sometimes people can know you Better than you know Yourself. But we must all come to these decisions on our own and in our own time. Simply put, it's the way of human nature.
Just be Absolutely Certain that you want the surgery and are willing to live with all the possible side effects that could result. In Short, do your homework my friend.
This is a Life Changing Act, once completed there is no turning back.
First on this list should be to Believe in Yourself!
I too Struggle with the feeling of Worthlessness.... it's a result in part of my depression and in part of my childhood or lack thereof.
But you Are a Beautiful Person, don't ever forget that!
To be where you have been and to stand here Today is Not the work of a Weak or Worthless person my friend. It takes Great Strength to survive in the world today, and You are Absolute Proof of This!
Always remember, You Are Beautiful!
I decided to "live" this way several years ago without getting HRT or surgery... I want to say somewhere around 2012... and the calendar mark I go by is the day I chose to stop personally referring to myself by my birth name and to completely embrace myself as female with intent to actually transition... Easter 2017, a point chosen for the personal and religious significance that it would bear. There is a lot of complicated feelings around the idea of getting surgery but the short of it is that yes... I do know I want it to a point. There is no question about HRT though, I've firmly deliberated and decided that I want to undergo the process.
and for all that you say about my beautiful soul... I should point out that seeking to uplift others and empower them is a beautiful thing as well... I wouldn't be quite the person I am without having been lucky enough to have people like you who see what I didn't for so long... So thank you for sharing your own beauty with me <3 I hope you've had a happy Groundhog Day
I understand it is a Difficult choice and there is a Lot to think about.
I'm Very Happy that you Have made a decision and are Well educated on the subject!
I've met many people who were unsure or simply unable to decide.... it's Very Refreshing to meet someone who holds Your Confidence and Understanding of the subject.
And may I Congratulate you on your Decision!
And Thank You for such kind words, they mean a lot to me.
I see people for their Heart, Mind and yes I suppose Soul as well.
Though I personally am not religious, still I think that is a fitting attribute. I don't know you as well as I would like to yet, but from what I have seen of you Thus far you Truly are a Beautiful Person of Whom This world could use a Lot more of!
I am but a simple dragon in this Vast pool that we call life.
I've endured my hardships and I've helped many others through their own. It Truly Hurts to see someone refer to themselves as "Useless" or "Worthless", Even More so when that person is as Kind and Noble as yourself. We All have our Demons to face and those in life who for Some Unknown reason seem to take Great pleasure in our suffering.... But the Strongest Always Survive my friend!
And in You I see Great Strength!
May I ask, have gotten your Legal Name changed and a New License yet? I ask because I understand that is a Very Liberating Victory to be had. A Good friend of mine recently got theirs done, Birth certificate and all. They are currently half way through a Female to Make transition.
I must admit, the cost of the final surgery is Staggering the say the least! But I believe the end result is Well Worth the price paid.