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I Miss you Momma. A year without her.
12 years ago
Last year about this time I was in shock. I really wish this was an April Fools prank, but it's not.
http://www.kfvs12.com/story/1730684.....1-near-tamaroa
Earlier in the day, I was installing a brake booster in my Eclipse when Ashley came out saying Frankie had called. Mom and Dad were in an accident and mom's hurt real bad. We wasn't sure what was going on, we piled into my brother's truck and hauled ass to the accident site, praying it was an April Fools.... But when you show up and there are a line of emergency vehicles it's a bit hard to think it's a joke. A white Chevy truck sat in a field, caked in mud, the top crumpled to the right. Weaving through the people we saw bikes on their sides. One of the riders still laying on the ground, paramedics around him. I stayed back for a bit to watch my niece. Some one came back to the truck to let me go. I stepped out of the truck to hear my older brother screaming, several people holding him back. He had seen Momma being loaded into an ambulance, and shortly afterwards, he spotted the individual responsible. I've never seen pure rage such as that.
I remember speaking to others, the ones where in the accident. I tried to do what I normally do, and default to joking, and being optimistic, saying momma's strong, she'll pull through. But Thinking of what I was told later, I doubt it actually sunk in. Truck pulled out and struck my father's saddle bag, the bike Momma was on hit the truck. There's actually a mark all the way down the side of the truck where the handle bar drug across the sheet metal, a spot or two of blue jean transfer. The bike was pitched, which ejected my mother. What I was told is she hit the road on the right frontal area of the skull, causing it to collapse. Likely killing her right then, if not knocking her completely out. The impact also broke her neck, so even if she was conscience, she would not have felt what followed. One of my dad's drivers was behind them, and after dodging the truck and a saddle back rolling down the road, and a motorcycle getting laid out, he couldn't do anything as he headed towards her. He said he watched his bike ride over my mother's chest. Fractured ribs, and punctured lung.
Another person in the accident said they saw a woman carried off, pink froth coming from her mouth.
We rushed over to the hospital, and the doctors were waiting for us. He said she suffered a lot of injuries. Fractured skull, broken neck, broken ribs, punctured lungs. They tried to save her, injecting her with adrenaline to irritate the heart to pick up a cardiac rhythm. My dad cut him off, and asked how is she. The doctor looked so lost when he said he wasn't able to save her. My dad just stared blankly back. My older brother ran out screaming, No no no no. My dad looked... Lost. he just watched as my older brother ran out, and looked at me. the color was gone from his face. He wavered and went to sit down.
I called my boss and told him I just lost my mom. I was lost.. He offered to help me anyway he could. I called my wife.. and wanted her to be there with me. She didn't think she could drive, so I called my boss to drive her down to me. I texted and called friends. I couldn't see clear enough or speak enough to make for long conversations.
The following is a blur of sorts. I went home and passed out. My little brother was in AIT in Ft Leanardwood, MO. We had to make arrangements for her funeral. My little brother was released to come home, but it would be a day trip to get him. But working at the airport, I called my boss to see if some one could help out. A friend of the shop's offered to help.
I left Pinckneyville IL at noon, got to Mt Vernon around 1. From there I hopped in a Beechcraft Bonanza V tail and flew to Leanardwood. What would have been a 4 hour drive one way was made in just under two hours. My little brother hopped in and we flew to Pinckneyville IL where my sister was. Total round trip was 5 hours. A little over half of what the trip would have taken by car.
The week I was in a stupor, so my brother and I finished my car, and bled the brakes.
The funeral had more bikes than I've seen in a long time. And after services, the bikers gathered to give her a send off. I joined in. A parking lot full of Harleys plus 1 DSM makes for a beautiful symphony of music, for a woman that had the most fun in her last 10 years than most people I know do most of their lives.
Apparently the Commander of my brother's unit was surprised he got home so quick. Usually when the military lets some one come home for family, they provide transport.... Never heard of some one getting the news, and a private plane showing up the next day.
The following gathering at the local bar they frequented was a bit too eventful for my taste. Instead of mourning her passing and celebrating her life, I spend the day consoling a girl who just broke up with her boyfriend... Because I am nice to a fault. Eventually some of the other ladies there straightened her out.
For a woman that lived 57 years, she had a hell of an impact.
None so much as me. This past February I felt a hole I didn't realize was there. You see, I was born on the same day as my mother. February 15. 37 years after she was. After I left the house, it had become a game to see who could call each other first to wish the other happy birthday. She won mostly. 6 to 4. I cheated a few times, being a time zone or so ahead... or being in another country. But.. Not this year. No call wishing her baby happy birthday. I can't call and talk to her to help me sort out my head. She was my translator. I could spill everything out and she would be able to tell others what I was meaning. When I would start panicking about being sick, she would calm me down and tell me I'm not dying.
My last memory of Momma was the day before, I was giving her a hard time about driving so close to the steering wheel, and she gave me the finger while grinning, and laughing telling me she loved me. A few weeks before she told me she was proud of me. She said, to be honest, they were scared I would never leave the house, and become a basement dwelling son with no future. They had told me I would never get a job or find a girl if I didn't give up the cartoons, the furries, the video games. I could never get a job doing any of them, and I need to get a life. But I managed to do just that, in a manner one way or another.
She told me that I surprised her, and it made her proud that I managed to surprise her repeatedly. And she was proud I went against her expectations. I'm married to a woman who is far more understanding than most anyone else I've met. I still play my games, I still play with Lego. I'm obviously still a furry. And yes, I've even manged to get a job in video games, ironically, doing exactly what she said I wouldn't. I was a playtester for God of War Ghost of Sparta. For the PSP. :) I've got my A&P Certification, and I work in a demanding and fun job in Aviation. She was proud that I was making it on my own. I did go to Hollywood, (Visited there when I lived in California) I did go to other countries. (Korea of a year of Military, and Germany for a week for aviation.) She was proud of me succeeding and not using my 'disabilities' as a crutch.
.
.
.
All I have left to hear her say that is a short ring tone she recorded for me. I haven't played it in months. I'm terrified I'll break down crying again.
I miss you Momma.
http://www.kfvs12.com/story/1730684.....1-near-tamaroa
Earlier in the day, I was installing a brake booster in my Eclipse when Ashley came out saying Frankie had called. Mom and Dad were in an accident and mom's hurt real bad. We wasn't sure what was going on, we piled into my brother's truck and hauled ass to the accident site, praying it was an April Fools.... But when you show up and there are a line of emergency vehicles it's a bit hard to think it's a joke. A white Chevy truck sat in a field, caked in mud, the top crumpled to the right. Weaving through the people we saw bikes on their sides. One of the riders still laying on the ground, paramedics around him. I stayed back for a bit to watch my niece. Some one came back to the truck to let me go. I stepped out of the truck to hear my older brother screaming, several people holding him back. He had seen Momma being loaded into an ambulance, and shortly afterwards, he spotted the individual responsible. I've never seen pure rage such as that.
I remember speaking to others, the ones where in the accident. I tried to do what I normally do, and default to joking, and being optimistic, saying momma's strong, she'll pull through. But Thinking of what I was told later, I doubt it actually sunk in. Truck pulled out and struck my father's saddle bag, the bike Momma was on hit the truck. There's actually a mark all the way down the side of the truck where the handle bar drug across the sheet metal, a spot or two of blue jean transfer. The bike was pitched, which ejected my mother. What I was told is she hit the road on the right frontal area of the skull, causing it to collapse. Likely killing her right then, if not knocking her completely out. The impact also broke her neck, so even if she was conscience, she would not have felt what followed. One of my dad's drivers was behind them, and after dodging the truck and a saddle back rolling down the road, and a motorcycle getting laid out, he couldn't do anything as he headed towards her. He said he watched his bike ride over my mother's chest. Fractured ribs, and punctured lung.
Another person in the accident said they saw a woman carried off, pink froth coming from her mouth.
We rushed over to the hospital, and the doctors were waiting for us. He said she suffered a lot of injuries. Fractured skull, broken neck, broken ribs, punctured lungs. They tried to save her, injecting her with adrenaline to irritate the heart to pick up a cardiac rhythm. My dad cut him off, and asked how is she. The doctor looked so lost when he said he wasn't able to save her. My dad just stared blankly back. My older brother ran out screaming, No no no no. My dad looked... Lost. he just watched as my older brother ran out, and looked at me. the color was gone from his face. He wavered and went to sit down.
I called my boss and told him I just lost my mom. I was lost.. He offered to help me anyway he could. I called my wife.. and wanted her to be there with me. She didn't think she could drive, so I called my boss to drive her down to me. I texted and called friends. I couldn't see clear enough or speak enough to make for long conversations.
The following is a blur of sorts. I went home and passed out. My little brother was in AIT in Ft Leanardwood, MO. We had to make arrangements for her funeral. My little brother was released to come home, but it would be a day trip to get him. But working at the airport, I called my boss to see if some one could help out. A friend of the shop's offered to help.
I left Pinckneyville IL at noon, got to Mt Vernon around 1. From there I hopped in a Beechcraft Bonanza V tail and flew to Leanardwood. What would have been a 4 hour drive one way was made in just under two hours. My little brother hopped in and we flew to Pinckneyville IL where my sister was. Total round trip was 5 hours. A little over half of what the trip would have taken by car.
The week I was in a stupor, so my brother and I finished my car, and bled the brakes.
The funeral had more bikes than I've seen in a long time. And after services, the bikers gathered to give her a send off. I joined in. A parking lot full of Harleys plus 1 DSM makes for a beautiful symphony of music, for a woman that had the most fun in her last 10 years than most people I know do most of their lives.
Apparently the Commander of my brother's unit was surprised he got home so quick. Usually when the military lets some one come home for family, they provide transport.... Never heard of some one getting the news, and a private plane showing up the next day.
The following gathering at the local bar they frequented was a bit too eventful for my taste. Instead of mourning her passing and celebrating her life, I spend the day consoling a girl who just broke up with her boyfriend... Because I am nice to a fault. Eventually some of the other ladies there straightened her out.
For a woman that lived 57 years, she had a hell of an impact.
None so much as me. This past February I felt a hole I didn't realize was there. You see, I was born on the same day as my mother. February 15. 37 years after she was. After I left the house, it had become a game to see who could call each other first to wish the other happy birthday. She won mostly. 6 to 4. I cheated a few times, being a time zone or so ahead... or being in another country. But.. Not this year. No call wishing her baby happy birthday. I can't call and talk to her to help me sort out my head. She was my translator. I could spill everything out and she would be able to tell others what I was meaning. When I would start panicking about being sick, she would calm me down and tell me I'm not dying.
My last memory of Momma was the day before, I was giving her a hard time about driving so close to the steering wheel, and she gave me the finger while grinning, and laughing telling me she loved me. A few weeks before she told me she was proud of me. She said, to be honest, they were scared I would never leave the house, and become a basement dwelling son with no future. They had told me I would never get a job or find a girl if I didn't give up the cartoons, the furries, the video games. I could never get a job doing any of them, and I need to get a life. But I managed to do just that, in a manner one way or another.
She told me that I surprised her, and it made her proud that I managed to surprise her repeatedly. And she was proud I went against her expectations. I'm married to a woman who is far more understanding than most anyone else I've met. I still play my games, I still play with Lego. I'm obviously still a furry. And yes, I've even manged to get a job in video games, ironically, doing exactly what she said I wouldn't. I was a playtester for God of War Ghost of Sparta. For the PSP. :) I've got my A&P Certification, and I work in a demanding and fun job in Aviation. She was proud that I was making it on my own. I did go to Hollywood, (Visited there when I lived in California) I did go to other countries. (Korea of a year of Military, and Germany for a week for aviation.) She was proud of me succeeding and not using my 'disabilities' as a crutch.
.
.
.
All I have left to hear her say that is a short ring tone she recorded for me. I haven't played it in months. I'm terrified I'll break down crying again.
I miss you Momma.
YurikoKinai
~yurikokinai
*hugs tight and offers comfort*
