and in this life which has become my own prison holding me back the way ahead opens a light shining in the darkness but as I reach out for it that which surrounds that threatens to consume pulls and strengthens it to grasp holding me back taunting me and seeping into my very being threatening to pull my very essence away and as I fight it grows it spreads it strengthens but as do I as I fight back all the more trying to stay ahead trying not to drown to get swept away in this hellish nightmare I called living as I try almost tempted to give in but every time I get close to the edge I cannot let go I cannot die I cannot give it has become impossible why must I try so hard to remain here in this prison in this hell in this darkness in this abyss this inescapable pit I cannot say perhaps I belong here perhaps and not allowed to leave yet maybe I have a purpose in all of this chaos this into this rage this endless anger and in this pain this endless hunger for living for remaining for reaching out for trying to fit in in the world that doesn't understand how to accept me but still I cannot leave