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creepy
12 years ago
finally ! finally Ive (roughly) pinned creepy.
probably sounds pretty similar to some texts about humor, since thats kinda the contrary. hopefully Ill find something good about this, it probably is somewhere amongst my things :.
I found this http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6582077/
and since I dont have a good feeling yet about waves these things make, Ill just put my thoughts in a journal since these had to end up here anyway:
Ive just watched happy feet 2 under pressure. Now Ive read this, Im lost in "the zone" xD
"what is this? ["dancing"]"
"Maybe it is a temporal escape from the existential pain of existence"
this seems a gentle nudge towards a subject that is, for itself, quite rude.
I first thought of the blue core person from portal two ("Id do it all different") and how when everybody went crazy Id break out the rubber boat (happy to use the bonanza airpump once again) and an ice cold six pack. Id get the impulse to take a cigar along and throw it away after the first whiff but leave it because it seems so pretentious, so serious, that it frankly would be exactly what I wouldnt want then.
but then I looked up that lick music thing. I dont know of which two seconds of the intro (I guess?) of seinfeld you speak (probably because Im culturally sensitive like an oil rig near a pole =p) aaaaand then the "two" seconds took me to glados between portal 1 and 2 (last two seconds of her kill for x years (or was it 2 minutes?)). didnt make her go crazy neither. or at least not more. thats my point x)
Ive been forced to hear the same thing short and long over and over, a few times. and I think everybody experiences unwanted constant repetitions. I think its a, technically, easy question of focus-- of where you want it- yourself. what you wanna be part of and what you want to be part of you, future too, etc. if you play your cards right which youve been dealt, or if you ride the waves you catch. (both?)
what that has to do with this eery feeling might have something to do as well, with a theory of mine why the end battle sound of giygas (mother 2/ earthbound) sounds so off,eery,creepy,whathaveyou. even whether something is music or not seems a decision in a way. I felt like the impulse to see these chaotic things as a pattern, order, a sequences, as music, was exactly what I wouldnt want in my mind, "subconsciously" or not. Im not sure if this view of it being "music" puts me into some certain antagonization of my intuition with itself, just on another level. and my mind having to watch, me having to watch my inner world obviously conflicting and not being too sure of the how and why, certainly not being used to it feeling something that seems a naturally existentially-confusing thing in that intensity. seems like I subconsciously see order where there is none. can I rule out that I didnt notice a rather strange addiction springing to life deep inside? that I catched a big? ...or a virus?
the feeling seems like a condensed "I am not home". and once youre conscious of that it gets louder. at that point youre already trained to get aware of that too...
maybe that feeling is when integration, a "mirror" fix of dissoziation drives you right over the "mirror`s edge" in one blow. because it requires realizing which "reality" footed on this inner disorder/unclearity of the broken mirror and leaving it behind in part. the realization of romance having become escapism, somewhere along the way; that there is far more disorder than pleasant, "too much". and going the next step, the why, that its my choice. -has been- my choice. can I go back? like, contrary to what happened to neo`s and trinity`s ship when they saw the sun for a moment. with your fingers on the steering wheel. just only on a subcon level, hence just a feeling nibbling away on you, nibbling to break through and get at your neck of conscious. maybe Im not convinced Im a flexible enough driver? because only then I could go back, which I so dearly would have to- to actually start getting forward for real again.
I think the fun in this is, (borderline) subcon as well, being well aware of the distance to the situation. the awareness of the freedom to turn away on the spot and keep your eyes closed. I imagine cynics, on the other side, turn away away from the entire issue, with or without a grunt of annoyed boredom and false elitism. and both ways seem extremely, "only forward". wouldnt that be tending to that addiction/virus?
I remain me. dangers are challenges, everything is possible, its never too late, dont take yourself too seriously, but bigger things all the more, the works. if that really seems neccessary, you can tune everything out. and if you really cant for some reason (the usual suspect is prolly "during the meantime" I guess, probably when you have to be able to do it the most) if you cant tune something out, maybe you gotta find some pattern that harmonizes and tune something in? as a vent? I suddenly imagine a planet most capable with beatboxing, drumsticks and so forth. thats an interesting idea, I grin. if that "virus" is only two seconds, people should get a lot of tact about their own rhythm, thered only be like, maybe, ten to thirty types. one could make cities of these rhythms. starting with friendships, all small.
it would be a forced harmony. it doesnt seem different from here and now. just that the loudness would have to be ordered in order not to loose it over this thing, virus or not. it would be louder, but more ordered. maybe it would be much calmer because of that alone. and then, maybe all thats left is just somebody has to get a good idea that changes everything, so that everybody can be silent and just listen to that one guy playing the flute a block down the road like in the mezga family (or adolar in german), theres a episode called "musikanten" in german (youtube, didnt find any in english) at which`s ending the musicians who rebelled against the noisers, that a true musician strongly respects the silence and pauses.
to finnish the thought!
I think this feeling is a blessing. this story a gentle, maybe even caring, nudge, even if just, coldly, but all the more trustworthy, loyal to a principle. it points towards a subject which is all the more rude, as the picture of this video shows in the same maner: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KdXzNTS_jM#t=184
gentle, because the freedom to turn back remains. you can choose your own speed to touch it.
to me this is also a reminder that everybody should, may, and can be happy that there are refuges left,
hence, that they are always increasing in some places.
but far more
the nudge made me think about how shamelessly seductive this rudeness is. to let fear and cynicism have their way. to forget all about calm. loosing your head. loosing yourself in the bad sense. forgetting yourself. (the connection with repetition and a lack of countered intuition did it for me.)
a reminder to love yourself, consequentially the you in everybody. (a rational approach: maintaining tabula rasa.) to look forward, keep sowing.
(P.S., casual note, I guess I collect creepy things. Im not talking of skulls and the like tho. from that stance, my collection, in this case, would simply be some thoughts about what makes one person willingly get infected by aids to take revenge on society or their parents and whatnot. rather stuff like the last second of this:
- the song beast from neon genesis evangelion would be a mild example (beast 2.0 is a little rougher but Im not sure if its a bit pretentious too)
- or even more, the end sound of giygas from earthbound.
- that brain dead face models do. I recently saw it in a slushie commercial from mcD´s. eyes stare, kissy mouth, but edges droop like theyve just been shoot point blank.
- after Ive played max payne the theme seemed like a meta spoiler, the "exclamation mark" to it all. but thats only a living and breathing example (if one feels it, which I guess happens if you liked the game and listen to the sound then) of that seduction.
probably sounds pretty similar to some texts about humor, since thats kinda the contrary. hopefully Ill find something good about this, it probably is somewhere amongst my things :.
I found this http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6582077/
and since I dont have a good feeling yet about waves these things make, Ill just put my thoughts in a journal since these had to end up here anyway:
Ive just watched happy feet 2 under pressure. Now Ive read this, Im lost in "the zone" xD
"what is this? ["dancing"]"
"Maybe it is a temporal escape from the existential pain of existence"
this seems a gentle nudge towards a subject that is, for itself, quite rude.
I first thought of the blue core person from portal two ("Id do it all different") and how when everybody went crazy Id break out the rubber boat (happy to use the bonanza airpump once again) and an ice cold six pack. Id get the impulse to take a cigar along and throw it away after the first whiff but leave it because it seems so pretentious, so serious, that it frankly would be exactly what I wouldnt want then.
but then I looked up that lick music thing. I dont know of which two seconds of the intro (I guess?) of seinfeld you speak (probably because Im culturally sensitive like an oil rig near a pole =p) aaaaand then the "two" seconds took me to glados between portal 1 and 2 (last two seconds of her kill for x years (or was it 2 minutes?)). didnt make her go crazy neither. or at least not more. thats my point x)
Ive been forced to hear the same thing short and long over and over, a few times. and I think everybody experiences unwanted constant repetitions. I think its a, technically, easy question of focus-- of where you want it- yourself. what you wanna be part of and what you want to be part of you, future too, etc. if you play your cards right which youve been dealt, or if you ride the waves you catch. (both?)
what that has to do with this eery feeling might have something to do as well, with a theory of mine why the end battle sound of giygas (mother 2/ earthbound) sounds so off,eery,creepy,whathaveyou. even whether something is music or not seems a decision in a way. I felt like the impulse to see these chaotic things as a pattern, order, a sequences, as music, was exactly what I wouldnt want in my mind, "subconsciously" or not. Im not sure if this view of it being "music" puts me into some certain antagonization of my intuition with itself, just on another level. and my mind having to watch, me having to watch my inner world obviously conflicting and not being too sure of the how and why, certainly not being used to it feeling something that seems a naturally existentially-confusing thing in that intensity. seems like I subconsciously see order where there is none. can I rule out that I didnt notice a rather strange addiction springing to life deep inside? that I catched a big? ...or a virus?
the feeling seems like a condensed "I am not home". and once youre conscious of that it gets louder. at that point youre already trained to get aware of that too...
maybe that feeling is when integration, a "mirror" fix of dissoziation drives you right over the "mirror`s edge" in one blow. because it requires realizing which "reality" footed on this inner disorder/unclearity of the broken mirror and leaving it behind in part. the realization of romance having become escapism, somewhere along the way; that there is far more disorder than pleasant, "too much". and going the next step, the why, that its my choice. -has been- my choice. can I go back? like, contrary to what happened to neo`s and trinity`s ship when they saw the sun for a moment. with your fingers on the steering wheel. just only on a subcon level, hence just a feeling nibbling away on you, nibbling to break through and get at your neck of conscious. maybe Im not convinced Im a flexible enough driver? because only then I could go back, which I so dearly would have to- to actually start getting forward for real again.
I think the fun in this is, (borderline) subcon as well, being well aware of the distance to the situation. the awareness of the freedom to turn away on the spot and keep your eyes closed. I imagine cynics, on the other side, turn away away from the entire issue, with or without a grunt of annoyed boredom and false elitism. and both ways seem extremely, "only forward". wouldnt that be tending to that addiction/virus?
I remain me. dangers are challenges, everything is possible, its never too late, dont take yourself too seriously, but bigger things all the more, the works. if that really seems neccessary, you can tune everything out. and if you really cant for some reason (the usual suspect is prolly "during the meantime" I guess, probably when you have to be able to do it the most) if you cant tune something out, maybe you gotta find some pattern that harmonizes and tune something in? as a vent? I suddenly imagine a planet most capable with beatboxing, drumsticks and so forth. thats an interesting idea, I grin. if that "virus" is only two seconds, people should get a lot of tact about their own rhythm, thered only be like, maybe, ten to thirty types. one could make cities of these rhythms. starting with friendships, all small.
it would be a forced harmony. it doesnt seem different from here and now. just that the loudness would have to be ordered in order not to loose it over this thing, virus or not. it would be louder, but more ordered. maybe it would be much calmer because of that alone. and then, maybe all thats left is just somebody has to get a good idea that changes everything, so that everybody can be silent and just listen to that one guy playing the flute a block down the road like in the mezga family (or adolar in german), theres a episode called "musikanten" in german (youtube, didnt find any in english) at which`s ending the musicians who rebelled against the noisers, that a true musician strongly respects the silence and pauses.
to finnish the thought!
I think this feeling is a blessing. this story a gentle, maybe even caring, nudge, even if just, coldly, but all the more trustworthy, loyal to a principle. it points towards a subject which is all the more rude, as the picture of this video shows in the same maner: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KdXzNTS_jM#t=184
gentle, because the freedom to turn back remains. you can choose your own speed to touch it.
to me this is also a reminder that everybody should, may, and can be happy that there are refuges left,
hence, that they are always increasing in some places.
but far more
the nudge made me think about how shamelessly seductive this rudeness is. to let fear and cynicism have their way. to forget all about calm. loosing your head. loosing yourself in the bad sense. forgetting yourself. (the connection with repetition and a lack of countered intuition did it for me.)
a reminder to love yourself, consequentially the you in everybody. (a rational approach: maintaining tabula rasa.) to look forward, keep sowing.
(P.S., casual note, I guess I collect creepy things. Im not talking of skulls and the like tho. from that stance, my collection, in this case, would simply be some thoughts about what makes one person willingly get infected by aids to take revenge on society or their parents and whatnot. rather stuff like the last second of this:
- the song beast from neon genesis evangelion would be a mild example (beast 2.0 is a little rougher but Im not sure if its a bit pretentious too)
- or even more, the end sound of giygas from earthbound.
- that brain dead face models do. I recently saw it in a slushie commercial from mcD´s. eyes stare, kissy mouth, but edges droop like theyve just been shoot point blank.
- after Ive played max payne the theme seemed like a meta spoiler, the "exclamation mark" to it all. but thats only a living and breathing example (if one feels it, which I guess happens if you liked the game and listen to the sound then) of that seduction.
