Well I just got done watching the best horror movie of all time!

And I don't even know if I would consider it a horror movie. I mean the effects were horrible. The acting was horrible. The entire plot was horrible. And yet I wouldn't consider this piece of cinematic mastery a horror film.

I find more horror in discovering scorpions have decided to bunk with me in my bed than in this movie. (BTW, special thanks to for relaying that useful bit of information to me and making me paranoid about scorpions making their way into my blankets!)

So we all know I am a glutton for bad movies. So what was today's flick that brought even this most avid 'Mystery science Theatre 3000' and bad movie connoisseur to his knees in fits um laughter and eye-rolling?

It is a movie that has racial stereotypes! Sweet 1972 fashions, music and afros! Fried chicken! Dirt-bike races! Oversized turtle-neck sweaters! Black soul brothers needing to prove their innocence! I speak of course of the Academy Award winning film: 'The Thing With Two Heads'!

A preview that is going to make your nipples hard with anticipation:



Now, don't we all feel better after watching that?

I can not believe that this was never spoofed on MST3K. I found myself just riffing non-stop as I trudged through this. And just when I didn't think things could get any more sleazy, the gods of 1970's movies dropped this in my lap:



Really? TWO movies about two-headed humans that go around terrorising absolutely no one? And once again we are treated to motorcycles, sweet 70's fashions and fros, and a nonsensical plot that just had me wishing I had two robot sidekicks and a way to get aboard the Satellite of Love.

Plus The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant has Casey Kasem starring in it! Yes, the voice of Scooby Doo and American Top 40 just oozes charisma in this schlock-film! Plus we get Pat Priest from The Munsters making a wise career choice as a victim or heroine or something. I really don't recall. I was riffing too much.

Good go. Two two-headed monster(?) movies in one day. I really must be growing a thick skin for bad movies. But you have to admit, when you have a tagline like "No man is safe from his killer lust" you know you are in for a wicked treat.

And, seeing as Halloween is mere days away and I have already completed my costume...(I'm going as Flint Lockwood from Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2 this year) I got to thinking that maybe it's time I put my head on another body. Just to see what would happen.

And also to wear sweet turtlenecks. I love fashionable clothing :XD

But my luck will be that I'll be in some horrific plane crash and end up sewn on to Justin Nelson's body. Then that means I'll have to go around to all kinds of spoon conventions and goofy stuff like that.

*ponders*

I think I better find myself a black soul brother to attach my head to before that happens. Just the whole idea of going to Spoon-A-Con 2014 doesn't sit well with me.

And besides I want some sweet watermelon and a bitchin' afro. Well...I guess I wouldn't have an afro...but I would be able to see one every day....

But I won't turn down a piece of watermelon. Or banging a sweet-ass black honeychild. Crossing those two things off my bucket list would make losing my body worth while.

That is unless any of you want to volunteer to have my head sewn onto your body. I promise that we will have crazy dirt-bike adventures and car-chases!

Well, only a few more days til Halloween and I have a bunch more bad movies to watch!

Until next time, just remember I am the massive monster that menaces the world, threatening the most intimate terror a woman or man has ever felt. And I will show up at your doorstep with needle and thread and a sweater...and we will join heads and rule the world!

~Adrik