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Before I forget...more...well, mourning my situation.
12 years ago
General
Read It.
Oh, happy late new year.
I wish I could draw more for you guys, but without any income, and no tech to use or learn how to use for that matter, I'm deep in the hole.
I would ask some of you for help, but I keep forgetting that I am a pariah no matter where I go.
I still believe that I can get a job that I deserve with only few hiccups, but there is too much eveidence to the contrary.
Every time I apply online to a place that is close by, I get no affirmative response....just more spam from employment ad websites and more spam from people trying to either con me or sell me stuff....
How am I supposed to buy anything if I don't have any money.
I don't have family or friends to fall back on.
Every time I ask someone close to me for help I get a sob story that they think is going to trump mine.
They tell me how hard their job is, or how their health is failing them, or how far away they live.
That is very convenient considering they are lucky enough to have jobs to go to, or get financial aid from the government, and that they have cars ten times better than mine that I KNOW they can afford to fuel up in order to come over to my house.
Is everyone so selfish and self-centered that they would sooner jump off a cliff than help someone who truly, veritably needs help?
When people see me do they see a person, or just a thing; an ends to a means?
And why do people not believe that I'm as poor as a homeless person because I am white?
Is it because I live in the South-East and the majority of people I am begging employment from are anything but?
I'm not even descended from anybody rich, or from anybody who was a slave owner.
I'm fucking Scotch-Irish with Native American (S.C. Cherokee) ancestry, for Fuck's sake!
And I was raised Methodist!
METHODIST! OUT OF ALL THE BIBLE-THUMPER RELIGIONS THAT'S THE MOST FORGIVING AND LAID-BACK SECT OF CHRISTIANITY.
Hell, I converted to Agnostic Theism when I was ten years old due to...poor influence of Baptist and Presbyterian Private Christian schools my mother enrolled me in.
Grades one through four were only beneficial in the ways that I learned how to read, write, and understand basic math.
Everything else was the laziest teaching of science and higher mathematics you had ever conceived.
Because of having bible-thumpers for my first teachers I never learned how many feet were in a mile, or how to convert ounces to cups, or quarts to gallons.
I write pretty, though. Thanks a lot, Mom.
Writing pretty won't get your ass a job, though. Not even at McDonald's.
You're probably wondering, "But Daniel, how can you be using the computer if you're so poor?
Simple, it's not my computer.
I haven't used my old computer in the last two and a half years due to it being too old, too slow and full of malware that I cannot remove.
When I can't use my employed brother's computer, I go to the library.
I read magazines, manga and reference books until I can have a turn at the computers.
TL;DR
I'm very tired and REALLY fucking sad.
Suicide's looking like a legitimate solution due to everyone's delusions, pretending that they're a righteous asshole and they can get away with it because of a gross case of the, "but what about me's".
I know I'm a little gullible due to my Asperger's, but I'm not a useless mouth-breathing idiot.
I'm not a risk, either...as long as you treat me like a human being instead of a dish-rag.
I wish I could draw more for you guys, but without any income, and no tech to use or learn how to use for that matter, I'm deep in the hole.
I would ask some of you for help, but I keep forgetting that I am a pariah no matter where I go.
I still believe that I can get a job that I deserve with only few hiccups, but there is too much eveidence to the contrary.
Every time I apply online to a place that is close by, I get no affirmative response....just more spam from employment ad websites and more spam from people trying to either con me or sell me stuff....
How am I supposed to buy anything if I don't have any money.
I don't have family or friends to fall back on.
Every time I ask someone close to me for help I get a sob story that they think is going to trump mine.
They tell me how hard their job is, or how their health is failing them, or how far away they live.
That is very convenient considering they are lucky enough to have jobs to go to, or get financial aid from the government, and that they have cars ten times better than mine that I KNOW they can afford to fuel up in order to come over to my house.
Is everyone so selfish and self-centered that they would sooner jump off a cliff than help someone who truly, veritably needs help?
When people see me do they see a person, or just a thing; an ends to a means?
And why do people not believe that I'm as poor as a homeless person because I am white?
Is it because I live in the South-East and the majority of people I am begging employment from are anything but?
I'm not even descended from anybody rich, or from anybody who was a slave owner.
I'm fucking Scotch-Irish with Native American (S.C. Cherokee) ancestry, for Fuck's sake!
And I was raised Methodist!
METHODIST! OUT OF ALL THE BIBLE-THUMPER RELIGIONS THAT'S THE MOST FORGIVING AND LAID-BACK SECT OF CHRISTIANITY.
Hell, I converted to Agnostic Theism when I was ten years old due to...poor influence of Baptist and Presbyterian Private Christian schools my mother enrolled me in.
Grades one through four were only beneficial in the ways that I learned how to read, write, and understand basic math.
Everything else was the laziest teaching of science and higher mathematics you had ever conceived.
Because of having bible-thumpers for my first teachers I never learned how many feet were in a mile, or how to convert ounces to cups, or quarts to gallons.
I write pretty, though. Thanks a lot, Mom.
Writing pretty won't get your ass a job, though. Not even at McDonald's.
You're probably wondering, "But Daniel, how can you be using the computer if you're so poor?
Simple, it's not my computer.
I haven't used my old computer in the last two and a half years due to it being too old, too slow and full of malware that I cannot remove.
When I can't use my employed brother's computer, I go to the library.
I read magazines, manga and reference books until I can have a turn at the computers.
TL;DR
I'm very tired and REALLY fucking sad.
Suicide's looking like a legitimate solution due to everyone's delusions, pretending that they're a righteous asshole and they can get away with it because of a gross case of the, "but what about me's".
I know I'm a little gullible due to my Asperger's, but I'm not a useless mouth-breathing idiot.
I'm not a risk, either...as long as you treat me like a human being instead of a dish-rag.
