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So....
11 years ago
Right now I need some cheering up...
Lately I been feeling really depressed and down because well because my fiance has been chatting with another girl and I am jealous... I guess that is what you can call it. I am saddened because I put a lot of effort and time into it and just feels like the world is crumbling around me brick by brick. The shelter around my heart that was once gone is being rebuilt each passing day. I feel like I am fading away into a darkness that I once surpassed is swallowing my soul again. I fight this darkness but should I just let it consume me and become something that I just been fighting back for all these years.
I am also depressed because two people that I used to work with in Florida passed away and well I was close to my best friends mother, she was the first that seen the good in me, to see that I am passionate about making my life something better. I know it has been tough for my best friend being that she just lost her mother so I am trying to stand strong but mentally in my head I can't gather my thoughts.
I have no idea what to do anymore... my father has gotten on my nerves so much that I don't want to answer his phone calls. My mother is sick but she lives in FL and well me and my parents never had a great understanding.... I can't stand either one of them at all. My relationship seems to be on a rocky edge and I have no idea if it is me mentally allowing it or if it is actually on a rocky edge....
I have never thought of suicide and I am not about to but sometimes it feels like people just like me from a distance they meet the real me and they seem to just bail when they get to deep....
I found myself earlier today thinking this is not where I want to be... I am not happy anymore i snap back to reality and I see a smile that makes my world melt away a laugh that makes me pause and a hug that reassures me that it is all ok, but suddenly as soon as it happened I feel the void wash over me....
Anyhow that is my comments for the day....
Lately I been feeling really depressed and down because well because my fiance has been chatting with another girl and I am jealous... I guess that is what you can call it. I am saddened because I put a lot of effort and time into it and just feels like the world is crumbling around me brick by brick. The shelter around my heart that was once gone is being rebuilt each passing day. I feel like I am fading away into a darkness that I once surpassed is swallowing my soul again. I fight this darkness but should I just let it consume me and become something that I just been fighting back for all these years.
I am also depressed because two people that I used to work with in Florida passed away and well I was close to my best friends mother, she was the first that seen the good in me, to see that I am passionate about making my life something better. I know it has been tough for my best friend being that she just lost her mother so I am trying to stand strong but mentally in my head I can't gather my thoughts.
I have no idea what to do anymore... my father has gotten on my nerves so much that I don't want to answer his phone calls. My mother is sick but she lives in FL and well me and my parents never had a great understanding.... I can't stand either one of them at all. My relationship seems to be on a rocky edge and I have no idea if it is me mentally allowing it or if it is actually on a rocky edge....
I have never thought of suicide and I am not about to but sometimes it feels like people just like me from a distance they meet the real me and they seem to just bail when they get to deep....
I found myself earlier today thinking this is not where I want to be... I am not happy anymore i snap back to reality and I see a smile that makes my world melt away a laugh that makes me pause and a hug that reassures me that it is all ok, but suddenly as soon as it happened I feel the void wash over me....
Anyhow that is my comments for the day....
