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Gender disphoria vent: I feel good and bad at the same time
11 years ago
Apparently lately i feel like I'm getting better and better at "passing" as male now.
Recent photos from a few days ago: http://imgur.com/a/wnuNa#3
Today me and my boyfriend went shopping for clothes... and this was pretty much the first time i've shopped for clothes... ever haha
most of my guy-clothes were hand-me-downs, and i'm too embarrassed and/ashamed to go buy my own clothes.
I felt less... weird when someone was at least around with me.
Usually when I'm in public at any time my social anxiety is on hyperdrive because I'm afraid people would think I'm weird or crazy because i'm some kind of he-she looking person and I'm likely to get misgendered.
This... shouldn't be a problem or even relatable for most people.
Pretty much all I can say is that it's not that i was to change into a man, but i just want myself to look more like the real me.
People tell me that i act too feminine as a guy but in reality i don't feel like some kinda burly manly man trapped in this hourglass, 5'2", 130lbs body. I'm just some... dude. maybe a little effeminate but who cares?
anyways. All these new clothes makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. I feel more like how i should... but I also feel like i might cry because.. well... it shouldn't be such an effort to make myself feel better. I feel like some kind of freak where a simple day at the store makes me feel like some kind of breakthrough.
Maybe because all the other times I've ever gone clothes shopping with anyone (especially my mother), she would force me to try on all kinds of girly stuff.. and it always felt so wrong.
Do you know what she said to me yesterday? I was telling her that i was having some problems with my boyfriend because of me being transgender and she tried telling me that the transgender part is the problem. she called it "unnatural"
that was a real punch in the feels. I hope one day she will understand. She loves me and never meant anything wrong, she just doesn't understand.. and i dont blame her.
as far as other life things go, I got a kitten!!
isn't he cute? c:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv4lZb1c8Ws
http://imgur.com/a/qKVo7#0
Recent photos from a few days ago: http://imgur.com/a/wnuNa#3
Today me and my boyfriend went shopping for clothes... and this was pretty much the first time i've shopped for clothes... ever haha
most of my guy-clothes were hand-me-downs, and i'm too embarrassed and/ashamed to go buy my own clothes.
I felt less... weird when someone was at least around with me.
Usually when I'm in public at any time my social anxiety is on hyperdrive because I'm afraid people would think I'm weird or crazy because i'm some kind of he-she looking person and I'm likely to get misgendered.
This... shouldn't be a problem or even relatable for most people.
Pretty much all I can say is that it's not that i was to change into a man, but i just want myself to look more like the real me.
People tell me that i act too feminine as a guy but in reality i don't feel like some kinda burly manly man trapped in this hourglass, 5'2", 130lbs body. I'm just some... dude. maybe a little effeminate but who cares?
anyways. All these new clothes makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. I feel more like how i should... but I also feel like i might cry because.. well... it shouldn't be such an effort to make myself feel better. I feel like some kind of freak where a simple day at the store makes me feel like some kind of breakthrough.
Maybe because all the other times I've ever gone clothes shopping with anyone (especially my mother), she would force me to try on all kinds of girly stuff.. and it always felt so wrong.
Do you know what she said to me yesterday? I was telling her that i was having some problems with my boyfriend because of me being transgender and she tried telling me that the transgender part is the problem. she called it "unnatural"
that was a real punch in the feels. I hope one day she will understand. She loves me and never meant anything wrong, she just doesn't understand.. and i dont blame her.
as far as other life things go, I got a kitten!!
isn't he cute? c:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv4lZb1c8Ws
http://imgur.com/a/qKVo7#0
I always shopping clothes at most MALE than Female like as 75% of Male clothes I own as much. if you are feel happier in current clothes you wore/bought. Stick with that.
KITTY is fucking ADORBS! ;-;
I'm gender fluid, and I feel like it doesn't matter if someone is a little more masculine or a little more feminine. Just be you and express yourself whatever way you want, and don't give a hang over what anybody else thinks or says (easier said than done, but still...) You don't have to act like a manly man, girly girl or anything. It's not just black and white. ^__^
Ask people who think that you "act too feminine as a guy" if they would have a problem with a different guy acting in the same manner. That might help them realize that is a sexist attitude to have, and they will hopefully work on it.