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About my writing:
17 years ago
General
Once upon a naive-little-furry time I went to college with the lofty intentions of becoming a writer. I had whipped up over a hundred pages of horrendous overly descriptive sci-fi horror that I had hoped to share with the entire world. I must say: I really did enjoy writing it, and for a little while it was something I was extremely proud of. Then I received a multitude of eye-widening criticisms from people who were very important to me. Turns out I had a lot to learn. I fell off the pedestal I had built to inspire myself. I also lost contact with all of the people who showered me with unconditional praise and support. I had to start supporting myself then. Yes it hurt but it was The Truth and being humbled was a good thing for me as a writer and as a person. Unfortunately it did make my dreams feel much further away than they ever had before and my old ways of inspiring myself didn't work anymore. Finding hope is a little harder these days, but the truth is a bittersweet symphony and it rewards those who are brave enough to sing and dance through the entirety of its dynamic range. I tried to stay dedicated to my writing, but the nature of the activity took so much time for me to accomplish anything and eventually it was becoming clear that I was going to have to choose between it and someone I truly loved. I chose to be with the one I loved and I haven't written anything substantial or taken a college class since. But I will never stop learning.
If there is one thing that I have learned it is that I will never be able to match the level of irony that life is just completely riddled with: My hard drive crashed around that same time. That ivory tower that took countless hours of my life to construct was gone now. I didn't cry though somehow, I just smiled and thanked the universe for doing what I was too much of a coward to do for myself. It was time to move on.
Since then this highly spirited, socially disastrous, sheltered poor boy who harbored universes of passive bitter resentment for the seemingly egocentric conformist power hungry conservative fear mongers that seem to be placed at the top of every social hierarchy I am involved in..... is growing into an independent humbled bohemian naturalist who has figured out how to thrive away from people like that, much like my father before me. It took a very special and brave woman to love a man hiding in such a cozy "dark" convoluted cave for all his life and give him the strength to grow out in the "light" where the most interesting and frightening things occur.
She has shown me that even on the meager savings of a worker's wages a backwoods "backslider" with social phobia like me can see the world: I have lived in cities which I have always been taught to fear. I finally saw the mountains. I have seen the Ocean. I have flown in the skies and I have tilled the earth. These experiences have changed me.
I have seen that work does not have to be something that consumes me like the 7 years at the gas station, certain types of jobs that are accessible to less powerful people like me can actually be inspirational as well, and I'd take inspirational and underpaid over soul crushing and profitable any day.
If there is one thing that I have learned it is that I will never be able to match the level of irony that life is just completely riddled with: My hard drive crashed around that same time. That ivory tower that took countless hours of my life to construct was gone now. I didn't cry though somehow, I just smiled and thanked the universe for doing what I was too much of a coward to do for myself. It was time to move on.
Since then this highly spirited, socially disastrous, sheltered poor boy who harbored universes of passive bitter resentment for the seemingly egocentric conformist power hungry conservative fear mongers that seem to be placed at the top of every social hierarchy I am involved in..... is growing into an independent humbled bohemian naturalist who has figured out how to thrive away from people like that, much like my father before me. It took a very special and brave woman to love a man hiding in such a cozy "dark" convoluted cave for all his life and give him the strength to grow out in the "light" where the most interesting and frightening things occur.
She has shown me that even on the meager savings of a worker's wages a backwoods "backslider" with social phobia like me can see the world: I have lived in cities which I have always been taught to fear. I finally saw the mountains. I have seen the Ocean. I have flown in the skies and I have tilled the earth. These experiences have changed me.
I have seen that work does not have to be something that consumes me like the 7 years at the gas station, certain types of jobs that are accessible to less powerful people like me can actually be inspirational as well, and I'd take inspirational and underpaid over soul crushing and profitable any day.
