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Suicide.
11 years ago
I've just been thinking about it a lot.
I... I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what to think, or what I want.
Been thinking about ways to kill myself, like via rat poison, or pills. But most likely I will be going for asphyxiation, tie a plastic bag around my head and then knock myself out with pills... painless and clean.
I just... I don't know anymore, I don't know what is going on in my head, I don't know what the pills are doing to me...
It feels like everyone hates and despise me, it feels like nobody respect me. I feel like because of my autism and clinical depression I will never be able to have a normal life... I feel like I screwed up everything and now its too late to fix things.
Is my life nothing more then a big fuck up? I don't know anymore, everything is confused in my head.
I love you all, I love you all so much.... and I don't know what to do to solve this, every time I try to socialise it feels like I fail and set myself back even more.
Maybe I should kill myself... after all I'm just a big fuck-up, I do nothing right and nobody likes me.
Arggh.... why am I so retarded? I need something to dull the pain.
I... I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what to think, or what I want.
Been thinking about ways to kill myself, like via rat poison, or pills. But most likely I will be going for asphyxiation, tie a plastic bag around my head and then knock myself out with pills... painless and clean.
I just... I don't know anymore, I don't know what is going on in my head, I don't know what the pills are doing to me...
It feels like everyone hates and despise me, it feels like nobody respect me. I feel like because of my autism and clinical depression I will never be able to have a normal life... I feel like I screwed up everything and now its too late to fix things.
Is my life nothing more then a big fuck up? I don't know anymore, everything is confused in my head.
I love you all, I love you all so much.... and I don't know what to do to solve this, every time I try to socialise it feels like I fail and set myself back even more.
Maybe I should kill myself... after all I'm just a big fuck-up, I do nothing right and nobody likes me.
Arggh.... why am I so retarded? I need something to dull the pain.
Its not so easy unfortunatly, to find something like that, but I will try! I will try to get back into drawing and post some stuff possibly.
Thanks again *Double hugs*
*Offer some hugs*
I am sorry if I made you feel distress, I will try to stay strong from now on.
It means a lot to me, that you think so of me, I will try to live up to your expectation, to live on and improve.
Please call this number to help hun,
I certainly don't hate you, or don't want you around. The time I got to talk with you was very wonderful and I wish we had more contact
Please stay with us <3. I want to get to know you better, and I wouldn't like not being able to. Please please please call that number.
Thank you for talking to me, you really helped me feel better, and I hope I can repay your kindness someday.
You know, I`ve never thanked you for how kind and supporting you`ve been. Thank you chompy, I will need to repay your kindness sometimes.
I will not kill myself, you guys have cheered me up.
I am sorry, I know it hurts people who care about me when I do stuff like that, I hope I didn`t cause too much distress. I explain more in my latest journal.
As suggested, try calling/going to specialist for the depression and these thoughts, no one will judge.
I am seeing a specialist, and I am also on medication, but the doctor say my depression is resilient. I am sorry, I know it hurts people who care about me when I do something like that, I will try not to do it again.
Thank you for your support, it is much appreciated.
I am not going to kill myself, I feel better now.
Thank you so much for your support, you know it means a lot to me, your so sweet and caring to me, I am very greatful to have you as a friend.
I`m sorry for worrying you, I will try to stay strong in the future.
I am alright for now, thank you for your support. I will try to stay strong in the future.
I feel better now, and I am glad you think I am talented, I will try to improve and draw more in the future, thank you for your support.
Thank you for talking to me :3