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What's been happening with me?
6 years ago
*****
So about a month ago I decided to change my online identity, from that of Kernac to Ceres. I can barely believe its already been a month. Following this I made a new FA account reflecting my new identity and I've mostly been operating on that account, at least on FA. Since I've made the switch I can honestly say my mood has been mostly better, beside the small relapse into depression from time to times. However, this change hasn't been without problems. My productivity when it comes to vore material has certainly taken a hit. I think mostly I wanted to get a few new pics of Ceres on that new FA account before putting anything else there, just to have sort of a base. That's how it started.
So I've tried and tried and tried to draw new pics of Ceres I could post on that account... But I just couldn't do it. Everything I sketched seemed not right, none of it was of the quality that I've been able to achieve in the past... So I've got frustrated and I just kinda gave up and since I wanted to have that in my gallery first, I kinda forbid myself to work on other project... Now, a lot of the initial buzz around my switch has died down and not that many people even talk to me all that much. So I've been frustrated with my lack of ability and in a major art block to top it all off. Now I realized that, 3 months ago, I told myself I would be productive this summer... And now 3 months later, I barely got anything done at all, in fact its been perhaps one of the most creatively barren period I've ever had.
So yeah... I've been frustrated with myself... It seems no matter how much I tried... I just get less and less motivated with time. I get less and less productive, less and less creative... That's why I've been feeling this kinda ominous sadness... This kind of disinterest in everything. I feel like I'm just going downhill no matter how much effort I put in. I've been trying and trying and although I've had little burst of creativity here and there... it seems like those get smaller and farther apart every time. I just don't know what to do, I've been fighting this for years and I always lose... I just feel like no matter what, I'm losing my creativity and my motivation and at some point there will be none left and I'll just be a living potato... Just watching on the sideline without getting involved with anything... Without being a part of the community. This... This is what I've been feeling sad about.
*****
So about a month ago I decided to change my online identity, from that of Kernac to Ceres. I can barely believe its already been a month. Following this I made a new FA account reflecting my new identity and I've mostly been operating on that account, at least on FA. Since I've made the switch I can honestly say my mood has been mostly better, beside the small relapse into depression from time to times. However, this change hasn't been without problems. My productivity when it comes to vore material has certainly taken a hit. I think mostly I wanted to get a few new pics of Ceres on that new FA account before putting anything else there, just to have sort of a base. That's how it started.
So I've tried and tried and tried to draw new pics of Ceres I could post on that account... But I just couldn't do it. Everything I sketched seemed not right, none of it was of the quality that I've been able to achieve in the past... So I've got frustrated and I just kinda gave up and since I wanted to have that in my gallery first, I kinda forbid myself to work on other project... Now, a lot of the initial buzz around my switch has died down and not that many people even talk to me all that much. So I've been frustrated with my lack of ability and in a major art block to top it all off. Now I realized that, 3 months ago, I told myself I would be productive this summer... And now 3 months later, I barely got anything done at all, in fact its been perhaps one of the most creatively barren period I've ever had.
So yeah... I've been frustrated with myself... It seems no matter how much I tried... I just get less and less motivated with time. I get less and less productive, less and less creative... That's why I've been feeling this kinda ominous sadness... This kind of disinterest in everything. I feel like I'm just going downhill no matter how much effort I put in. I've been trying and trying and although I've had little burst of creativity here and there... it seems like those get smaller and farther apart every time. I just don't know what to do, I've been fighting this for years and I always lose... I just feel like no matter what, I'm losing my creativity and my motivation and at some point there will be none left and I'll just be a living potato... Just watching on the sideline without getting involved with anything... Without being a part of the community. This... This is what I've been feeling sad about.
*****
As for the motivation thing...I say, as odd as it is, don't try to squeeze motivation out like toothpaste from a tube. It...never works. And I've found when I shackle myself with time limits, motivation runs out much, much faster. But I dunno, that could just be me? Anyways, I hope things look up.
Hard to describe, but diverting that much into an alternate form, you can more or less become that form, even if you KNOW it's just a character. Sorta like a split-personality disorder, except not as much of a worst-case-scenario schitzophrenia.
Good news is, you get some cool perspectives.
Bad news is, means you probably need some sort of therapy.
...which I skipped.
......meaning I'm probably a horrible endorsement for any of this.
In short, you crazy. Enjoy the ride. (No, seriously)
...also, have your mind tell your heart to shut up. (ridiculous as it sounds, no, seriously)
Also, read this...
https://jamesclear.com/motivation
...helped me a bit. See if it works for you.
Finding a key... something you're passionate about... is IMMENSELY Helpful, but, strangely, not required. Sometimes powering thru your doldrums is as useful as having inspiration. Weird, huh?
Hope this helps.
-ACx