By no means is this a pity plea, or a guilt trip. This is just an explanation for my absence.
Please don't give me copious amounts of ass-pats. Please. It's the last thing I want or need right now.



I've been through some financial and emotional troubles lately and trying to cope.
Only yesterday did I know I was able to make rent when my sister showed up and gave me money.. like, a lot of money. Like I can live off it for about 2-3 months now.
My credit card was last/stolen and a new one is coming through the mail so I wouldn't able to resort to it for emergency, I only had $120 in my account until yesterday, and my phone bill came up to $115 because aparenly the last payment bounced and now I have $70 in fees to pay just because I had nothing in my bank account. a $45 charge from the bank and a $25 charge from the phone company.

On top of that It looks like i may have to enter a legal battle with my last employer which is the last thing I want to do.

I'm also having some pretty bad personal issues as well.
Me and my bf mutually broke up... kind of? It's complicated and personal and I don't really want to get into it. Something like a mutual agreement that we won't last. We started dating almost 2 years ago this september and have been friends for much longer. And have been living together since april-ish.. so it's pretty serious.

My gender disphoria only seems to be getting worse. I haven't seen a therapist or anything.. ever.. in my life. I'm scared to find one and don't know where to go. I called the distress hotline and they just seem to brush me off (even though i know that not true at all) though it was like 3am.
I'm pretty much 99% positive that I'm ready for hormone treatment. I can't watch a FtM transition video without crying for hours.

I'm thinking about moving to London (ontario) but I don't really know anyone there that I would like to move in with. Or really anyone I really know at all in london, though i dont really know much people here in Sarnia anyways.
I just sit in my room all night.. getting drunk and passing the time until I can get sleep again.
Yea, I guess this is the first real time I'm admitting this to more then just one person. I wouldn't say I'm an alcaholic though
It's just that i can't/wont go 3 days without getting drunk at some point. but this is a relitively new thing in the past month.

I'm not even emotional writing all this down. I'm just stating the facts.
I have problems just like anyone else. And I know mine aren't the worst but this is the way they are affecting me and it's getting increasingly hard to function. Sorry....


Thank you for your consideration and your time.