CassandrusBlackclaw and  Miss.Anthro took me out to tell her goodbye. She tried to get up when I walked up to her and all she could do was shift herself to one side a bit. I gave her lots of hugs and kisses. She even cried on me almost as much as I cried on her, something I had never seen a llama do and didn't even know they could.

Winter was already humming (a sign of being upset) too. He knows Lucy's not doing well. He's been standing over her guarding her since she laid down and couldn't get up. Even when he shied away from us, he never left sight of her and ran the puppies away from her. Eevee brought her a flower, and I took a picture of Lucy with it.

I think Lucy knew this was goodbye. She laid her head on my hand and reluctantly let me kiss her face even though she's always hated that. She was SO thin. She was drooling and her eyes were sunken and watery. You could see little tear streaks in her face fluff. I think she knew what was happening. She could tell I was upset, and just as she always has, she let me hug her and cry into her neck fluff.

I know she knew I loved her very much. She closed her eyes and leaned against me, and we sat there together a while. I petted her neck and told her what a wonderful girl she is and how much she means to me and has done for me. She helped me through one of the hardest parts of my life, and I'm glad I got to be there for her in hers, even if it was just for a little while. I will never forget my Lovely Lucy - the way she always was: sweet, fluffy, lovable, easily excitable, moody, silly, and sometimes infuriating but always gentle and adorable. She brought joy to the lives of everyone around her - and sometimes frustration for Ragnar - and I know she doesn't need to just lay there and suffer. Craig said he would take care of her as best he could, but if she kept getting worse, he would put her out of her misery and bury her there for us. We'll be back out in two weeks, but I doubt she'll make it more than a few more days.

I think she was ready to go when I left her. She seemed to understand there was nothing anyone could do to help her, as much as I wished I could. Her teeth are too old and worn down to chew the grass, and the little bit of grain she's been swallowing isn't enough and will progressively poison her without the added fiber and nutrients she needs from what should be her main food source. I don't have much hope she'll improve at this point. I'm glad I got to tell her goodbye and make sure she knew one last time how much she meant to me. I love her dearly, and she will always be my guard angel llama...

I don't think I've gone an hour without crying all day... Livestock or not, Lucy is my baby and will be in my heart forever.