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Birthday Card From Parents Tossed Into Unused Fuck-Swing
11 years ago
Glad You Could Stop By! Please, Come on in and Soak Up The Greatness!
LAFAYETTE, LOUISIANA- A birthday card sent to Adrik Wolf from his parents to celebrate his 30th birthday was inadvertently tossed into an unused butterfly fuck-swing along with several other pieces of junk mail, sources reported on Saturday.
The adjustable butterfly fuck-swing, once used by Adrik and his fiancé Nicole Marie to have wild and uninhibited sex in myriad aerial positions, has been slowly filling up with junk mail over the past several months, the couple told media outlets at a recent press conference.
"The inclusion of the birthday card from Adrik's mother and father in Pennsylvania was honestly a mistake," Nicole told reports on Saturday. "I think it was stuck inside of one of those Colonial Penn Insurance pamphlets that nobody ever reads."
At one time, the young couple considered the butterfly fuck-swing to be their most precious possession. In recent years, however, it has been eclipsed in esteem by Adrik's leather briefcase and Nicole's emerald earrings.
The dozens of credit card offers, coupon flyers, and unsolicited catalogs were first stacked in the butterfly fuck-swing in order to clear off the dining table for visiting relatives, but more mail gradually began to accumulate on the soft vinyl seat designed to cushion the rapid, percussive strokes of lovemaking.
"Nicole and I sure had some crazy times on that thing before we had the twins," said Adrik Wolf, who just turned 30 on Saturday and was the intended recipient of the misplaced birthday card, motioning towards the adult toy, upon which he had just hung his suit jacket. "But it seems like forever since I turned her upside down in that thing and dripped hot wax onto her vulva. Maybe we can give it another go after we finish the new deck this spring. That's taking up all my spare time at the moment."
The butterfly fuck-swing features nylon straps, padded stirrups, a swiveling hook, a crossbar Nicole used to grasp in the throes of ecstasy, and, more recently, several unread issues of O, The Oprah Magazine'.
Moved from the couple's bondage room, which is now the nursery for their twin children, to the sitting room just inside the front entryway late last year, the fuck-swing ended up in an ideal location to deposit mail deemed too unimportant for the already full rolltop desk in the corner. Other items, such as a box of edible lubricants and an 18-inch steel-studded leather paddle, were relocated to the attic to keep them out of the reach of the active and inquisitive 20-month-old siblings, Phillip Connor and Savannah Maria.
Nicole Marie, 28, said that she had considered simply throwing out the junk mail, but balked after the last time, when she accidently discarded an important medical bill that had been placed in the butterfly fuck-swing.
"I swear I'll get to sorting out that mail soon," said Nicole, who less than two years ago would strap herself into the butterfly fuck-swing at her boyfriend's slightest suggestion, but now only interacts with the sex apparatus when rummaging through it for a Target or Kohl's receipt.
In addition to raising their two children, Adrik said that working long hours, working to restore their late-19th century Louisiana home, and doing yard work leaves him and his fiance very little time to read their mail and enjoy exhilarating sadomasochistic fucking through unconventional methods.
"I was just thinking yesterday, Boy, I can't remember the last time I had my fist up the mother of my children's asshole," Adrik said. "It happens to every couple, I guess."
Also noticeably absent from the couple's sexual repertoire is the bright purple silicone butt plug that, for the past several weeks, has been the favorite chew toy of their English Retriever, Buddy.
"I'd love to give those ankle and wrist restraints another go, but for the life of me I can't remember where they are," said Nicole, referring to a set of chained leather cuffs that are currently being used to padlock a composting bin in the couple's backyard. "And I haven't seen hide nor hair of our cock rings since we went over to Houston for that weekend getaway. We'll have to get some new ones, I guess."
"Well, as soon as the family budget allows for it," she added.
Despite being forced to retire the nipple clamps after the babies started nursing, the pair said they would still consider having exciting and adventurous sex if Nicole ever returned home from her advanced Pilates class with any remaining energy and Adrik was able to get back from his flights before seven at night.
"Last Thursday, Adrik and I wanted to take his penis prison out of the garage to have a little bit of fun for his birthday," said Nicole, referring to a rubber locking male-chastity device. "But, my God, was that garage a mess—we ended up just sorting junk. At least I found our favorite ball gag, which I'm going to hang in the garage so I know how far to pull the Land Rover in."
Both Wolf and Feile hope to get their once-hot sex life back into gear in the spring, pledging to make good use of a leather hood and spreader bar when they try for their third baby and before getting married.
As for the birthday card, Adrik told reports that he was going to try and remember to look for it before leaving for the airport Monday morning.
The adjustable butterfly fuck-swing, once used by Adrik and his fiancé Nicole Marie to have wild and uninhibited sex in myriad aerial positions, has been slowly filling up with junk mail over the past several months, the couple told media outlets at a recent press conference.
"The inclusion of the birthday card from Adrik's mother and father in Pennsylvania was honestly a mistake," Nicole told reports on Saturday. "I think it was stuck inside of one of those Colonial Penn Insurance pamphlets that nobody ever reads."
At one time, the young couple considered the butterfly fuck-swing to be their most precious possession. In recent years, however, it has been eclipsed in esteem by Adrik's leather briefcase and Nicole's emerald earrings.
The dozens of credit card offers, coupon flyers, and unsolicited catalogs were first stacked in the butterfly fuck-swing in order to clear off the dining table for visiting relatives, but more mail gradually began to accumulate on the soft vinyl seat designed to cushion the rapid, percussive strokes of lovemaking.
"Nicole and I sure had some crazy times on that thing before we had the twins," said Adrik Wolf, who just turned 30 on Saturday and was the intended recipient of the misplaced birthday card, motioning towards the adult toy, upon which he had just hung his suit jacket. "But it seems like forever since I turned her upside down in that thing and dripped hot wax onto her vulva. Maybe we can give it another go after we finish the new deck this spring. That's taking up all my spare time at the moment."
The butterfly fuck-swing features nylon straps, padded stirrups, a swiveling hook, a crossbar Nicole used to grasp in the throes of ecstasy, and, more recently, several unread issues of O, The Oprah Magazine'.
Moved from the couple's bondage room, which is now the nursery for their twin children, to the sitting room just inside the front entryway late last year, the fuck-swing ended up in an ideal location to deposit mail deemed too unimportant for the already full rolltop desk in the corner. Other items, such as a box of edible lubricants and an 18-inch steel-studded leather paddle, were relocated to the attic to keep them out of the reach of the active and inquisitive 20-month-old siblings, Phillip Connor and Savannah Maria.
Nicole Marie, 28, said that she had considered simply throwing out the junk mail, but balked after the last time, when she accidently discarded an important medical bill that had been placed in the butterfly fuck-swing.
"I swear I'll get to sorting out that mail soon," said Nicole, who less than two years ago would strap herself into the butterfly fuck-swing at her boyfriend's slightest suggestion, but now only interacts with the sex apparatus when rummaging through it for a Target or Kohl's receipt.
In addition to raising their two children, Adrik said that working long hours, working to restore their late-19th century Louisiana home, and doing yard work leaves him and his fiance very little time to read their mail and enjoy exhilarating sadomasochistic fucking through unconventional methods.
"I was just thinking yesterday, Boy, I can't remember the last time I had my fist up the mother of my children's asshole," Adrik said. "It happens to every couple, I guess."
Also noticeably absent from the couple's sexual repertoire is the bright purple silicone butt plug that, for the past several weeks, has been the favorite chew toy of their English Retriever, Buddy.
"I'd love to give those ankle and wrist restraints another go, but for the life of me I can't remember where they are," said Nicole, referring to a set of chained leather cuffs that are currently being used to padlock a composting bin in the couple's backyard. "And I haven't seen hide nor hair of our cock rings since we went over to Houston for that weekend getaway. We'll have to get some new ones, I guess."
"Well, as soon as the family budget allows for it," she added.
Despite being forced to retire the nipple clamps after the babies started nursing, the pair said they would still consider having exciting and adventurous sex if Nicole ever returned home from her advanced Pilates class with any remaining energy and Adrik was able to get back from his flights before seven at night.
"Last Thursday, Adrik and I wanted to take his penis prison out of the garage to have a little bit of fun for his birthday," said Nicole, referring to a rubber locking male-chastity device. "But, my God, was that garage a mess—we ended up just sorting junk. At least I found our favorite ball gag, which I'm going to hang in the garage so I know how far to pull the Land Rover in."
Both Wolf and Feile hope to get their once-hot sex life back into gear in the spring, pledging to make good use of a leather hood and spreader bar when they try for their third baby and before getting married.
As for the birthday card, Adrik told reports that he was going to try and remember to look for it before leaving for the airport Monday morning.
V.
V.
*hugs*