This was not scheduled at all, this was not what the new visit was supposed to end with.
But sadly, Lovelle is now all gone.

While the treatment, that was given to her for the last past weeks, was making her being able to live better, but not making her completely safe, today she has been back to her breathing distress and it happens that she lost even more weight, after gaining so little some days ago.
There was only two possibilities : going on with the treatment and keeping in mind that she would need it till she dies from being old or by suffocating, or to put an end to her suffering for good to avoid keeping her in that uncertain state.
Since the first time I saw her in that terrible breathing distress, I had in mind that it might come the day when I will have to make the right choice for her. Even if my duty toward her was to keep her alive the longest possible AND in good health, it seems I totally failed but more than anything else, I could not let her suffer any longer and just barely keep some kind of good health by going to the veterinarian every single day.
Sure there is the cost that comes to mind too, but here, it's not even the case. It's more trying to give her a look of getting better because getting the medicines every single day. If not getting it during a little less than a week, then the problems are back and she's again in distress.
This very sad decision to put her in a neverending sleep has been decided along with the veterinarian himself, as he totally agreed with the fact that even if the medicine was keeping her in an apparent good health, as soon as it would be stopped, she would then suffer again from just simply breathing.
He was ok to go on with the medicine's shots but he was agreeing with stopping her pain. It was all my choice and here, it was not the money that was the problem.
I do love her a lot and I am going to miss her badly, though, I could not let her live just to please me when she was still exposed to more possible distress in the future, not even talking about the everyday walk to the veterinarian and then being in that small travel cage. This is not anything she was enjoying and even if it could have given her some more days to live, her current state was not making her living correctly anymore.

I was proposed to see the process to make her sleep forever and even if some people may not understand why I accepted, they should maybe think that it's better to be around her while starting to sleep, to give some lovely rubs, to see that it's just very sweet in such a very sad moment (and also having the veterinarian explaining what's happening and reassuring that she's not feeling any pain, that I can totally see by myself). I prefer all that, as painful as it can be, than discovering her little body without life anymore after leaving her still alive in the hand of someone else than me.
She is gone forever today at 12h35 CEST.

It's just a terrible feeling to not feel any movement in that little travel cage, to not see her wanting to get out of it when I reach home and to have to keep her on me as she badly wants to get back into the cage with the 7 others.

She's now all gone, but as I know her, she's certainly already preparing the place and storing food like she was doing all the time, even recently, so whenever the others go to join her, they will end in a very nice sweet place, prepared by the sweetest lovely rat I ever had.

I love you Lovelle, I will always do, I miss you so much.

http://gigi.lovesboobs.net/lovelle.html

Lovelle - Blue US dumbo female rat (September 2013 - April 2015)