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I'm sorry
10 years ago
for fucking everything up, and I am sorry for being so stupid.
I am sorry for being a bother.
I'm sorry I'm depressed.
I'm sorry that I'm stressed.
I'm sorry that I'm anxious.
I'm sorry that I'm paranoid.
I'm sorry that I'm an insomniac.
I'm sorry that I'm not okay.
I'm sorry for 'poisoning' your lives.
I'm sorry for dragging you down.
I'm sorry for all the things I do.
I'm sorry that I breathe the air that others deserve more than me.
I'm sorry.
I'm not sorry for wanting to die.
I'm not sorry for wanting to disappear.
I'm not sorry for saying that I want to.
It makes me sad that no one can give me a solution.
it makes me sad that no one wants to help me.
NO, do not mention family or friends. Friends don't care, family is powerless in this constant struggle between myself and my mind and disorders. and doctors do not want to help me. They think I'm just lazy and trying to find excuses to be left alone to be 'lazy' and have 0 commitment to or for anything.
I just, want to die.
but I don't know how to take my life in a painless way.
I'd like to know though, because then I could do it and everyone would be happy.
Afterall, all the people I thought cared about me, is or has given or giving up on me.
because I'm a bad influence on their lives.
but I also don't wanna hear them say "Just be happy" or "Just talk to someone and you'll get better."
it proves they don't fucking understand my situation. There's nothing worse for me than being told to 'just' be happy, or 'just' change my attitude. Like it's something I can do by snapping my fingers. It's not how it works.
I can't change, specially not without help
and noone wants to help me, because I'm not important enough.
So what do you do, when the whole world is turning it's back on you?
I think it's simple, you just lie down and die.
I am sorry for being a bother.
I'm sorry I'm depressed.
I'm sorry that I'm stressed.
I'm sorry that I'm anxious.
I'm sorry that I'm paranoid.
I'm sorry that I'm an insomniac.
I'm sorry that I'm not okay.
I'm sorry for 'poisoning' your lives.
I'm sorry for dragging you down.
I'm sorry for all the things I do.
I'm sorry that I breathe the air that others deserve more than me.
I'm sorry.
I'm not sorry for wanting to die.
I'm not sorry for wanting to disappear.
I'm not sorry for saying that I want to.
It makes me sad that no one can give me a solution.
it makes me sad that no one wants to help me.
NO, do not mention family or friends. Friends don't care, family is powerless in this constant struggle between myself and my mind and disorders. and doctors do not want to help me. They think I'm just lazy and trying to find excuses to be left alone to be 'lazy' and have 0 commitment to or for anything.
I just, want to die.
but I don't know how to take my life in a painless way.
I'd like to know though, because then I could do it and everyone would be happy.
Afterall, all the people I thought cared about me, is or has given or giving up on me.
because I'm a bad influence on their lives.
but I also don't wanna hear them say "Just be happy" or "Just talk to someone and you'll get better."
it proves they don't fucking understand my situation. There's nothing worse for me than being told to 'just' be happy, or 'just' change my attitude. Like it's something I can do by snapping my fingers. It's not how it works.
I can't change, specially not without help
and noone wants to help me, because I'm not important enough.
So what do you do, when the whole world is turning it's back on you?
I think it's simple, you just lie down and die.
Nikki
~backstabber
Pitt, I'm here if you want to talk. I would be deeply saddened if you did something so foolish as that. I would miss your art and you as well.
KyryK
~kyryk
I don't know you but i do know roughly what you're going through. I've been through depression and wanting more than anything to die in the past. If there was a painless way to take your life i wouldn't be here, but i've managed to get to the other side of it so if you want to talk to someone about it i can at the very least relate. If you feel that your family and friends don't seem to care it might be a good idea to show them this journal. Try and make them know that if you don't get help soon they could end up losing you. No matter how you think they feel that's something they really don't want to happen, even if you think they don't realize that. I'm just a stranger but i don't want that either. Do whatever you can to die happy, not miserable. I hope you can overcome this.
