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Set backs and bad days
10 years ago
alright SO those on my twitter have probably noticed my twitter feed getting angrier/more depressive. I'm really sorry about that. I'm in the process of making a personal twitter and keeping it separated from my main one.
Typically I try to keep away from posting emotional crap here. I try to be as openly professional as I can or at least overall a positive vibe. Lately Its hard for me to do that. Been going through some personal/at home junk and not handling that very well and on top of that my only outlet; working, keeps hitting snags and causing more frustration.
My computer is literally my life. If it doesn't work I can't work. I might as well go panhandle on the side of the road. I am completely useless without it. I've been working hard or at least trying to to get my queue completely finished, my original goal was this friday, or to at least have my paid queue finished. Well after loosing 6 hours of work yesterday the likely hood of that happening is null.
These problems from an outsiders view shouldn't effect my emotions but it does. I dont have a life, i dont have friends here, I don't do things here other then occasionally fish. I haven't seen anyone other then hubs since anthrocon. Working is my coping mechanism. With work I have a chance to make money and go places, see friends, actually contribute to society, I have a future, so it being gone makes things feel very hopeless. This is why there have been almost no updates, this is why I've been so quiet. I don't like bothering people with my bullshit and baggage. I know I have friends, I know people care, but i don't want to burden them with this. I want to be that happy go lucky friend that others can talk to when they are down.
Yesterday when photoshop crashed I went into my bedroom huddled under the covers and tried not to cry. Really if it weren't for
fishyboner I probably would've stayed there for the rest of the day.I am feeling better today and going to try and redo all the stuff I did yesterday as well as try and finish a few other things or at least get a few things started. I'd very much like if I could open for commissions again as I'm starting to really need the money. One thing I'll probably set up today is a print sale, since it's the one thing i can do/sell that doesn't require more backlog. I apologize for this stupid depressing post. I know I'll get a lot of comments saying if I ever want to talk you're there and trust me it means a lot and i know it, but I will most likely never talk. I don't like burdening people I don't like bothering them and even if I'm not a burden or bother i will internally always feel that way.
It's like in the end, i'll be alright. I'll survive. I always have.
To attempt to end this on a lighter note: I will be attending FurtherConfusion In California! I will officially be in the marketplace! I'm also hoping to have buckets of brand new stuff to sell and am hoping to be spending a good chunk of time in December preping for it. I May open up for traditional AND digital badge pre-orders withing the next week or so for FC AND Fangcon, which I'll also be attending(though need to check with the dealers den again)
SO. there is that. I just need to get my computer running smoothly again.
And for all you guys who know stuff about computers, most likely the problem is a collection of tiny little bugs in win 7 and photoshop.
I've been fucking with this thing for the last month and half trying to figure out why its been behaving badly. As soon as one problem goes away another comes up. I've got a good rig and it's been a major hassle to try and figure out whats wrong. computers are finicky and mean things.
alright..time to get back to work..
And what edition of windows 7?
Tidma, first of all I want to thank you for telling us how you feel. That is a very important step if you don't want to break down under all the things that trouble you. I perfectly know how you feel when you say you wouldn't want to bother others and burden them with your problems. Life is not only about being the happy jolly person to others. Sorrows are also a part of life and real friends will understand that. They are going to help you, give advice or simply listen to what makes you sad. We all have to deal with negative things and usually prefer to solve that on our own, but sometimes we need a shoulder to lean on. Good friends will be there for you, no matter what! And you do have friends like these, I'm glad about that. <3 Life can't only consist of happy and nice things. We can only really cherish the positive things when we are reminded that things can be worse, too. Embrace all of it, because it has made you the wonderful and kind person that you are now. :)
I can so relate to how you feel about yourself and your computer. When my computer breaks, I feel like I'm sick and not functioning properly. What helped me there is to get a laptop additionally to a desktop system. So I know that when one thing fails, I still have the other system until my primary computer is repaired and fixed. Also sorry to hear that you have lost valuable data due to a program error. I don't have much experience with hard- and software, but I suppose you already tried reinstalling everything including photoshop, drivers for your tablet and the OS. If the errors still occur, I don't know what else could be done.
You are going to FurtherConfusion and possibly Fangcon? Oh yes this is great, that's something to look forward to. I hope you have a ton of fun there and are also successful in the dealers den. Are there a lot of friends that you can meet there? I hope so. ^_^
Tidma, I wish you all the best. It doesn't matter how often you get thrown down, it only matters how often you get up on your feet again. Sometimes with the help of friends! Keep fighting and kick some ass! We're all with you. <3
Also most, if not all of my friends I've only made in the past year or so and they are all online. So using them as a dumping ground just doesn't seem kosher, especially when I know how far away they are. I'm really hoping in the next 6months to a year I'll be moving closer to friends so I can have something nearby and can cope better. just gets really hard sometimes and I am incredibly thankful to have folks that are willing to put a hand out.
Another thing is i hate feeling like this I hate feeling down. I'm the kind of person that wants to conquer the world(in a happy positive way) and face it and not fall down. So getting like this just makes me angry at myself and forces me to realize how weak I am. I definitely dont want others to see that. Just..sucks ha..
one good thing i will say is I know it's temporary. its just a time in my life that happens to be difficult and crappy. I have a bright future. I have to believe that.
And yes! Fangcon will be the second biggest con I'll be going to and the farthest away I've travels to sell at/go to a con. I dont know too many folks who are going but i do have some awesome friends that will be and i always love meeting new folks ^^
Fangcon I only know one person maybe two if my friend can come, but it's pretty nearby so why not, ya know?
And thank you ^^ in general I'm a pretty quiet person, but i'm also a typically determined one. Moping and being depressed all the time doesnt do anything. Gotta get back up, fighting.
The mind is fragile and complicated. It helps a lot to have someone iRL to talk to and to do things together to clear one's mind. I really hope that you can move closer to good friends soon. That's going to be great when you can meet often and do fun things together. See, that's a worthy project to work on. ^_^
Well, unfortunately falling on your nose is a part of life that everyone encounters. I suppose that is something that you have to learn to deal with. No one is perfect, everyone has weak moments. I know it sounds cheesy, but focussing on positive things helps me to cheer up. When in bed and trying to sleep, I often think about at least 5 things that made me happy today. On some days it is easy to do that, on other days it is harder. But there is always something nice, even if it's just a tiny little thing like a call from a friend, a good meal, a fun video you watched. You could give it a try, it doesn't hurt. :3
I'm sure you will have a blast at these cons. You can hang out and do stuff with your friends and hopefully also meet a lot of new interesting people. ^_^
Yes that's the spirit! Fight! I want to see you around for a loooooooooong time, kicking life in the butt! :D
Keep rocking, Tidma. <3
What I do is:
Ctrl+a - to select the whole canvas
ctrl+shift+c - to copy all layers
ctrl+n - to open a new file
ctrl+c - to copy the flattened image to a new file.
Then I upload that flattened image as a .jpg to sta.sh, or to my email. I do this pretty much every hour or so, juuuuust in case the file gets corrupted for some silly reason. You lose the layers that way, but you can easily open it and begin working again if you have to. And if you have a better connection than me, you can even upload the full size .psd to dropbox or something, though that might eat into working time. I prefer the .jpgs because it takes up less space, takes less time to upload, and I can easily work it into my layers if I want to.
Reinstalling windows might help too. I wouldn't usually recommend that since it's a pain in the butt to readd all your programs and such, but if it's been silly for a month+, it might be easier to just reinstall and (hopefully) get rid of those dumb bugs.
Typically I'll upload full res WIPs onto my external daily and then bi-weekly put all those on another harddrive as a backup. usually when I'm working I kinda of zone out everything and basically stop thinking much. Really this was partially a case of being distracted when i was streaming and just plain forgetting to save regularly.
I put a hotkey to save on my cintiq and hopefully it'll at least curb the problem xD
I may try what you do for a bit until I'm 100% sure the problem is gone though. i'd be very upset if the file ended up corrupt..
Husbot just needs to get stationed here in WA so me and you can hide from the world together ;I
Currently we are actually TRYING to get in your area..though we may end up in austin, which at the moment seems more likely hahha
and i know <3 Same goes for you. And to be fair I've been pretty quiet too :U
I already have a box big enough to mail myself 8I