Listen up kiddies! Put down that issue of 'Sky and Telescope' magazine (Yes, this is a real publication...I checked) and cast your eyes and ears unto me! For tonight we are all to bear witness to an event of mammoth proportions that has been 33 years in the making! Yes, not since 1982 have we been graced with the phenomenon of both a lunar eclipse and the amazing Supermoon!

Now I know what you are all thinking....Adrik, will you be turning into a werewolf because of this eclipse and aptly named 'Bloodmoon'?

Yes. Yes I will.

Now, since I had not yet been born in 1982 and both my beautiful hair and pre-destined genetic disposition to morph into a werewolf had not been established, I am not fully sure if I will become the typical werewolf, prowling the fields and empty roads at night searching for the nourishing blood of the unholy, or, as evidenced in the series 'Adventure Time', I may be transformed into a Hug Wolf, roaming the countryside by the light of the bloodmoon and ravishing unsuspecting travellers with my deadly and yet warm and comforting hugs.

That's a grave possibility. You will either be disemboweled by my desire to rip flesh from bone or you will be cradled in my beautifully shampooed and fluffed furry arms as I unleash a torrent of hugging that no mere mortal has ever bared witness too.

Either way I would sleep with the door locked and an axe in your bed.

Now that that is out of the way and you all can prepare yourself for the onslaught of gore or cuddles that are destined to befall you when my ravenous reign of mayhem begins, we can move on to other delights.

Such as me ringing the planetarium to see about bringing the twins and I down to witness this great lunar event. I had not yet turned into a werewolf, and having a healthy interest in amateur astronomy I thought it would be fun. Below is how the conversation played out:

*phone ringing*

Voice on other end: "Hello, how can I help Jew?"

Me: "Um...I'm sorry. Hello?"

Voice: "Hello. How can I help Jew?"

Me: "Is This the Planetarium?"

Voice: "Yes. Are jew calling about the jewing of the eclipse tonight?"

Me: "I am. Is there a reason you keep saying the word jew?"

Voice: "I'm just speaking normally, sir. Would you like to make reservations for the jewing? We will have the observatory open for anyone to jew the eclipse through our telescope."

Me: "You keep saying 'jew'. I just heard you say it twice."

Voice: "Is that going to be an is-jew? I mean I knew jew were Jewish as soon as I picked up."

Me: "How is that possible? And besides I'm only half-Jewish."

Voice: "Your voice is saturated with Judaism. And I know all about your 'self-proclaimed furriest half-Jew' spiel. Jew can save it. You're Jewish. Just accept it."

Me: "I was just hoping to come down for the eclipse party. I heard it was going to be quite an affair."

Voice: "Eh...I don't know. We really don't want to over-saturate the event with Jews. Maybe jew would be happier stopping by next week. We will be doing a month long event on the planet Jew-piter."

Me: "Yeah, okay. I think I'll just go to HobbyTown USA and buy a telescope. We can just go out in the desert and watch the eclipse that way."

Voice: "Yeah, that's not going to happen."

Me: "What makes you so sure?"

Voice: "Because jew don't have a discount code or coupon for HobbyTown. And I know jew won't pay retail price."

Me: "Damn! You're right!"

Voice: "See. Plus driving out to the desert...that's gonna cost some money to jew. Think about it. Plus scorpions..."

Me: "That's true..."

Voice: "I'll tell jew what. Jew swing by the Krispy Kreme and bring us a few dozen donuts for the event and I think I can get jew some tickets. Just between jew and I, okay? And no discount rack donuts either. We need them to be right out of the oven. I don't want you trying to jew me on the freshness."

Me: "Yeah, okay I can do that. But I want free parking. And free tickets to that Jupiter event next month."

Voice: "Deal! Greedy, money-grubbing jew!"

It was only afterwards that I realised I rang the SANITARIUM and not the PLANETARIUM....so I really have no idea now if I got those free tickets or not...

So I guess in summary....prepare for the eclipse tonight. Plan on me wrecking havoc as either a werewolf or a hug-wolf and if anybody would like a glazed Krispy Kreme to nosh on while watching the eclipse, just hit me up.

I've got to go make an appointment at PetSmart to make sure my fur will be the shiniest when it comes time for uncontrollable bloodshed!

Until next time,

*scampers off with far too many Krispy Kreme donuts for one fur to handle*

~Adrik