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Why Do I Have To Be Jake The Dog?? (Costumes of Evil!)
10 years ago
Glad You Could Stop By! Please, Come on in and Soak Up The Greatness!
Greetings mere mortals and welcome back to the Sanctuary of Ultimate Evil!
Apparently somebody has opened an Asylum of Ultimate Evil, which is slightly less evil than mine, over in San Marcos so I sort of wanted to distinguish myself from them...
But do not be tempted by discount evil! For they may offer a better price on the Sleep of Ages, but only I can give you that added Adrik touch!
Now...onto tonight's Journal of Evil!
As always, I am your Puppetmaster of Tortured Souls, Adrik Wolf, not only a master of puppets, but also of funk and EVIL!
Tonight, I was going to share with you the evil that you can do at home on a rainy day. Did you know you can summon up the forces of darkness from the comfort of your own home? It's easy! All you will need is common household baking soda, some white vinegar, and of course the blood of at least three Souls of the Damned!
You may want to get a parent or guardian to help with the slaughter of the damned persons because it gets to be a tad messy...
What's that? What am I being for Halloween? What a perfectly evil question to interrupt my step-by-step guide on summoning the forces of darkness, and I shall enlighten you with that story, despite the uncontrollable evil that comes along with it!
You see, I was explaining to the kids the other day that this would be their first Halloween where they would be expected to do more, seeing as both were walking quite well now and their vocabularies were expanding to beyond simple gurgles and raspberries. It was time for them to earn their candy keep and if I was going to have them tag along on my trick-or-treating adventures, they had better be ready to step up their game!
I won't let anyone stand between me and those Skittles, no matter how evil or blood-related!
So, I was deep in thought on this year's costumes when I summoned Man-servant Hecubus to my chamber.
"Yes, master?" He said in his deep, evil voice. "I am ready to serve you...and Satan."
"Excellent!" I replied. "Ready the carriage of evil and the horses of hellfire! I wish to journey into town!" Yes, we have taken to using a carriage for these types of errands. It is our duty to look after this planet after all. You can be both green and evil, you know.
So, as we climbed into the carriage of evil, it was pretty clear that the twins would be deciding the theme for this year's Halloween. And knowing that one particular show had caught both their and my fancy, it was obvious that we were on the evil prowl for Adventure Time costumes!
Which was a little disappointing, because I was hoping to dress the two of them up as lions and me as a dentist from Minnesota, but they wanted to do the Adventure Time theme and they really had their evil hearts set on it. So I relented.
I was looking forward to dressing up as Finn, to be perfectly evil and honest.
But oh no! Phillip Connor and Savannah Maria had other evil ideas up their sleeves! For they dashed my dreams by announcing that they were going as Finn and Princess Bubblegum, respectively.
I was going to be Jake the Dog. So chosen by the evil ones.
Nothing against Jake the Dog, but I wanted to be Finn! The hood! The sword! The snappy one-liners!
Nope. Couldn't happen. Phillip Connor was going to be Finn. Damn! Evil! Evil and Damnation!
Well we could both go as Finn, I argued. Still no good. You can't have TWO Finns Phillip Connor retorted. Which yes...that does make sense. I mean two Finns is just wrong somehow. Evil wins again! Damn!
But we do need a Jake the Dog. And since I'm the only one left....sigh. I guess I'm Jake the Dog this year, An Evil Jake the Dog. I better score a lot of good candy for my sacrifice.
I could have been the Ice King, but Man-servant Hecubus already called him. Thwarted again!
But I will say, the Jake the Dog costume looks really good actually. Not as evil as I was used too, but evil enough for both the twins and I to be happy.
So there you go. That is the ensemble we are going as this year for Halloween. Finn the Human, Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum, and me as Jake the Dog. I just wish my children weren't so evil and would have let me be Finn! I'm going to pout about this until Halloween arrives.
But dang the costumes look good. But I still think I'm going to make them pull me in a wagon from house to house. I will have all that candy to haul around after all...
I love being the spawn of so much evil Hahahaha!
Until next time...
Remember to rinse off your waffle plates so that way the syrup is easier for the dishwasher to remove! Thank you and keep the evil strong in your hearts!
I'm going to go steal something to make me feel better...
*runs off to terrorise the neighbourhood in his Jake costume*
~Adrik
Apparently somebody has opened an Asylum of Ultimate Evil, which is slightly less evil than mine, over in San Marcos so I sort of wanted to distinguish myself from them...
But do not be tempted by discount evil! For they may offer a better price on the Sleep of Ages, but only I can give you that added Adrik touch!
Now...onto tonight's Journal of Evil!
As always, I am your Puppetmaster of Tortured Souls, Adrik Wolf, not only a master of puppets, but also of funk and EVIL!
Tonight, I was going to share with you the evil that you can do at home on a rainy day. Did you know you can summon up the forces of darkness from the comfort of your own home? It's easy! All you will need is common household baking soda, some white vinegar, and of course the blood of at least three Souls of the Damned!
You may want to get a parent or guardian to help with the slaughter of the damned persons because it gets to be a tad messy...
What's that? What am I being for Halloween? What a perfectly evil question to interrupt my step-by-step guide on summoning the forces of darkness, and I shall enlighten you with that story, despite the uncontrollable evil that comes along with it!
You see, I was explaining to the kids the other day that this would be their first Halloween where they would be expected to do more, seeing as both were walking quite well now and their vocabularies were expanding to beyond simple gurgles and raspberries. It was time for them to earn their candy keep and if I was going to have them tag along on my trick-or-treating adventures, they had better be ready to step up their game!
I won't let anyone stand between me and those Skittles, no matter how evil or blood-related!
So, I was deep in thought on this year's costumes when I summoned Man-servant Hecubus to my chamber.
"Yes, master?" He said in his deep, evil voice. "I am ready to serve you...and Satan."
"Excellent!" I replied. "Ready the carriage of evil and the horses of hellfire! I wish to journey into town!" Yes, we have taken to using a carriage for these types of errands. It is our duty to look after this planet after all. You can be both green and evil, you know.
So, as we climbed into the carriage of evil, it was pretty clear that the twins would be deciding the theme for this year's Halloween. And knowing that one particular show had caught both their and my fancy, it was obvious that we were on the evil prowl for Adventure Time costumes!
Which was a little disappointing, because I was hoping to dress the two of them up as lions and me as a dentist from Minnesota, but they wanted to do the Adventure Time theme and they really had their evil hearts set on it. So I relented.
I was looking forward to dressing up as Finn, to be perfectly evil and honest.
But oh no! Phillip Connor and Savannah Maria had other evil ideas up their sleeves! For they dashed my dreams by announcing that they were going as Finn and Princess Bubblegum, respectively.
I was going to be Jake the Dog. So chosen by the evil ones.
Nothing against Jake the Dog, but I wanted to be Finn! The hood! The sword! The snappy one-liners!
Nope. Couldn't happen. Phillip Connor was going to be Finn. Damn! Evil! Evil and Damnation!
Well we could both go as Finn, I argued. Still no good. You can't have TWO Finns Phillip Connor retorted. Which yes...that does make sense. I mean two Finns is just wrong somehow. Evil wins again! Damn!
But we do need a Jake the Dog. And since I'm the only one left....sigh. I guess I'm Jake the Dog this year, An Evil Jake the Dog. I better score a lot of good candy for my sacrifice.
I could have been the Ice King, but Man-servant Hecubus already called him. Thwarted again!
But I will say, the Jake the Dog costume looks really good actually. Not as evil as I was used too, but evil enough for both the twins and I to be happy.
So there you go. That is the ensemble we are going as this year for Halloween. Finn the Human, Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum, and me as Jake the Dog. I just wish my children weren't so evil and would have let me be Finn! I'm going to pout about this until Halloween arrives.
But dang the costumes look good. But I still think I'm going to make them pull me in a wagon from house to house. I will have all that candy to haul around after all...
I love being the spawn of so much evil Hahahaha!
Until next time...
Remember to rinse off your waffle plates so that way the syrup is easier for the dishwasher to remove! Thank you and keep the evil strong in your hearts!
I'm going to go steal something to make me feel better...
*runs off to terrorise the neighbourhood in his Jake costume*
~Adrik
V.