You know i didn't really have a plan for how i was going to express this. I thought i was going to have a better plan for this. I thought i was going to have everything planned out for how i was going to get ready to go and only announce my departure when it was time. I guess its better this way.

Im Leaving. And im not coming back. No more Nicholas Alsatian neither here nor on skype nor anywhere. I want to begin again somewhere else.

and i dont know what else to say beyond that. Ill keep in contact with the people that matter most to me but for everyone else, im sorry but i think its time for me to go.

I suppose its curious why isnt it? why do i want to go? Well im not happy with who i am currently. I also dont like the reputation (if any) i have accumulated. Im above this and its time for a change. Maybe i want a clean slate, tabula rasa. Others are also the reason why i want to go. I feel like i need to leave because of the people around me. Old friends who never talk to me anymore, new friends who i cannot relate to or have a meaningful conversation with, some people i cannot stand. Some people who are toxic to me. people in general. It all seems so empty to me. I could just get rid of them but i feel like i would rather just disappear in general. No past, only a future. And i think that is what is best for me. Im not sure who will miss me, i suppose some of you will try to talk me out of it. I understand but i need to do what will help me. I feel like ive accumulated alot of baggage and its time to let go.

Im not leaving right away, i still need to make some finalization, but i wont be here too much longer. Just a couple more things to take care of, at my own pace. More journals of course, last words, etc. etc.