I hate that you hate yourself. You must need more kitties in your life.

don'tttt pleeasseee
don't listen to that stupid parasite
telling you to hate yourself
b/c that isn't you ok

you're fuckin awesome
listen to me (the awesome parasite)
im gonna suck all the evil gross depression juice outta you
yeah
take that

sorry im gross ilu please
<3 hang in there

You aren't gross, your a freaking angel.

<3

Everyone has flaws and negative characteristics. You're looking at yours as if they are the whole picture, as if that = you. When something bad or embarrassing happens it's really easy to start thinking you're a complete mess. Or, sometimes nothing even happened, you're going along fine but then you happen to get a negative thought in your head and it just kinda snowballs from there to a nasty bout of "I'm a complete failure and I hate myself" depression.

I hated myself for a long time, until a psychiatrist (one of the elusive good ones) told me that I was a narcissist. I was tempted to ask him if I stuttered. Hello, I said I hate myself. Doesn't "narcissist" mean someone who loves themselves excessively, spends lots of time looking in the mirror...a self-centered asshole with delusions of grandeur? Like, the exact opposite of me?

Well, you can hate yourself and be a narcissist, he explained. The thing is, whether you adore or abhor yourself, you're still focused on your self.

I understood what he was saying- at least I thought I did. It took a few years or so for me to really "get" it. And you know what? Although it's gotten better, I still have a problem with hating myself. And it's the most counter-productive thing in the world. I hate myself because I wish I could take better care of my family and friends. I wish I had more to offer them, I wish I did more. Even strangers, I wish I could help people in general more than I do...instead of sitting around doing nothing meaningful at all. And when I see myself failing...I start hating myself.

I don't know why you're feeling that way, but whatever the case, look at it this way: hating yourself is just another way of saying you wish you had such and such ability, you wish you were stronger, smarter, more organized- whatever. It's a wish- or even a full-blown wishlist. Instead of indulging in grief, the best thing to do is get busy improving in those areas you feel you fall short- because sitting around grieving *is the thing* that's keeping you from doing exactly what you want. (Like say, you don't want to be a selfish lazy asshole or whatever, but fearing it, ironically, kinda has the effect of making you one- since you waste all this time worrying about yourself instead of focusing on what you need to do and getting it done. Maybe that's what the famous "nothing to fear but fear itself" quote is about. I don't know.)

Well, I'm not sure if any of this applies to you, I just know I've had a major problem with self-loathing for ages but I've sort of figured out some of the ways it manifests and I've been able to improve. People hate themselves for all kinds of different reasons...but I have some advice that I think would help just about anyone struggling with this: when you find yourself thinking something negative about yourself, STOP. Catch yourself. Then think of one positive thing about yourself (or better yet, make a whole list). Think, Okay, I was just thinking this bad thing about myself, but something good about me is [blank]. It can be anything at all, really, anything positive about you no matter how small or (seemingly) insignificant. It sounds simple to the point of silliness, but it does work, at least it did for me. It stops your thoughts from snowballing...from becoming a runaway train destined to crash. It sets your mind on a different path.

So, when you say that you "hate yourself" what do you really mean? You wish you were better at something? You wish someone (or some group) would stop giving you a hard time about something (whether you feel like you can help it or not)? Or, you wish you hadn't done/said some thing (or things)- or wish you'd done a better job? Could be any number or combination of things, you just need to ask what and why and then you should be able to work out steps to get out of that negative mindset (and of course the positive thought trick helps). It's awful, I know. I'm not sure whether I can be of much help but you're welcome to message me, here or on facebook (that's all I use right now. If you want my fb just note me~)

No that makes perfect sense. I have always been a narcissistic to some degree. I like to help other people, I really like making other people happy, but deep down all I really care about is me. mememememememe. It is what compels me to make whiny juvenile journals like this one. Because I can't handle not bitching about myself sometimes. This was all sparked by something that happened at work. It wasn't even a REAL thing. Sure the boss told me I was being "rude" when she didn't even know what I was talking about. Yeah sorry I was rude to the clothing rack... because it has feelings and how dare I ever once express myself in any way that isn't fake smiles and happy BS. Shut the fuck up. But I have to bite my tongue because then I just worry about being fired all the time. She hired a new guy who is sketchy as hell. Like I really feel like I am training my replacement. Only they aren't going to ever let me in on the secret. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I do not trust this person and I do not trust my boss. I trust no one. It isn't healthy but I don't care. People exhaust me. Outgoing people exhaust the hell out of me.

Have been trying this positive thinking so hard, but sometimes I just feel like total shit and need to cry about it and I never cry so I just end up internalizing everything until I get to a breaking point. Just want to lay in the yard and decompose and then no one will expect anything from me. Invisible unspoken probably made up in my head expectations. Everything you said is true. It helps me to put it into perspective and I am really thankful that you took the time to talk to me about it. It don't use FB or I would add you. Thank you so much seriously. And don't ever feel like you aren't doing anything meaningful because you helped me so much just now. YOU are amazing and important and I'm very appreciative of you as a person who exists at the same time that I do. What are the odds really? If I could hug you I would.