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hate this holiday
10 years ago
ACTIVATING COMBAT MODE
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all of my family gets more and more pissed off at each other, everyone is stressed out to extremes
i'd rather just fucking skip all this i hate it. i have grown up hating it cause every year its worse.
actually so stressed out im getting to the point were i want to hurt myself.
I swear to god if i hear Dad say "You didnt really want that pie did you" when something bad happens to it, im gonna lose it. every fucking time something bad happens...YOU DIDNT REALLY WANT IT DID YOU? YEAH FUCKER THATS WHY I BOUGHT IT. can you not say, "crap, im sorry i accedently droped it." soften the god damn blow a little.
and mom i swear you always got this victim syndrome going on. everything happens to you? I BOUGHT THAT PIE WHY ARE YOU HAVING A SHIT FIT. thats my money going in the crapper.
and if my siblings dont stop arguing with each other im gonna start arming them and letting them kill each other. i cant take the migranes. one of the 2 of you need to back off in the argument, AND THEN STAY BACKED OFF. one of you is and adult. act like it. i understand you have autism, but you have shown in the past you can try harder than you are. as for the other, good freaking luck getting that brick wall pretending o be a person to actually listen to anything you have to say.
I know im not innocent in this mess of a family. but you have driven me to harming myself from stress. some of you still think im fucking making up depression. doesnt make alot of sence considering im diagnosed with it. I know im a screw up, hell look at my crappy job, im a college drop out, my room is a mess to the point i cant walk right in it, yeah im a shitty human being. but you all make me worse, cause when im with my friends, or hell, even my coworkers, i feel more like myself then i ever do around you.
i'd rather just fucking skip all this i hate it. i have grown up hating it cause every year its worse.
actually so stressed out im getting to the point were i want to hurt myself.
I swear to god if i hear Dad say "You didnt really want that pie did you" when something bad happens to it, im gonna lose it. every fucking time something bad happens...YOU DIDNT REALLY WANT IT DID YOU? YEAH FUCKER THATS WHY I BOUGHT IT. can you not say, "crap, im sorry i accedently droped it." soften the god damn blow a little.
and mom i swear you always got this victim syndrome going on. everything happens to you? I BOUGHT THAT PIE WHY ARE YOU HAVING A SHIT FIT. thats my money going in the crapper.
and if my siblings dont stop arguing with each other im gonna start arming them and letting them kill each other. i cant take the migranes. one of the 2 of you need to back off in the argument, AND THEN STAY BACKED OFF. one of you is and adult. act like it. i understand you have autism, but you have shown in the past you can try harder than you are. as for the other, good freaking luck getting that brick wall pretending o be a person to actually listen to anything you have to say.
I know im not innocent in this mess of a family. but you have driven me to harming myself from stress. some of you still think im fucking making up depression. doesnt make alot of sence considering im diagnosed with it. I know im a screw up, hell look at my crappy job, im a college drop out, my room is a mess to the point i cant walk right in it, yeah im a shitty human being. but you all make me worse, cause when im with my friends, or hell, even my coworkers, i feel more like myself then i ever do around you.
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CONFLICT RESOLVED
these are my buds.
kuroodod 
lucario_01 
JoeyBre 
MakoKenova 
kuarileotter 
Project_X 
shadowmega7 
scraner 
redburr 
Dasp_the_Raccoon
CONFLICT RESOLVED
these are my buds.
kuroodod 
lucario_01 
JoeyBre 
MakoKenova 
kuarileotter 
Project_X 
shadowmega7 
scraner 
redburr 
Dasp_the_Raccoon 
Schande_Thompson
~schandethompson
I'm sorry that this holiday is so hard on you. Is there anything I can do to help?
Blaze_Water_Sage
~blazewatersage
I'm relly sorry that you have to go through this every year. I do wish I could help you out
Emissary
~emissary
Finally, somebody I can relate to when it comes to the holidays; I hate the holidays and Christmas myself her. It's not thing but a stressful, rage inducing depressive time of year for me. I dread the next holiday season and like your Christmas; it gets worse for me as well. Christmas, it's nothing but a bunch of bullshit really and I feel you on everything you have said; because been there's been some family shit that's been going on here that's been terrible.
CptHodor
~cpthodor
Last christmas was one of the worst times of my life, do more to certain members of my family than others. During a time where I still was suicidal. They didn't seem to care or understand and kept going at each other and me. I'm sorry you are going through this and don't know possibly how to help. I know self harm is not logical thinking and only comes out of desperation and confusion of what to do cause I was there. But it can only make things worse as bad as they seem now. Though i'm not sure what needs to be done or how it could be helped I know things can get better. As unrealistic as it might seem. Pretty much everything you described sounded very alike to my own feelings and life. I am doing better now and in general a lot happier. Spending more time with my friends and the few family members that are not crazy or immature. I know this is a lot of things from pretty much a complete stranger and very little of it is actually helpful...just trying to let you know you are not alone and that rough times can come to a end or at least a smoother sort of way of living with the annoying or harsh realities. Regardless to whether any of my words here help any I am sorry you are going through this shit and wish you the best of luck to holding on through these times.
