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Lots of Journal Posts in One!
9 years ago
TFF 2016:
Went to TFF last week... More like drug kicking a screaming out of the safety of my hole. I had so many excuses for why I should not have gone. Most turned out to be unfounded, and the others worked them self out. I am glad I went, I NEEDED it. It was an amazing Con, had a few truly AMAZING personal experiences as an artist, and my complaints were few.
I WILL be back next year, and better prepared to offer my art and items that I have made for sale. I may well make it the one Con I plan for (as a Dealer and Artist) from now on. I may even offer to run a panel or two, and I am tempted to take over the Brony Dance Party (Dolly Parton, is NOT okay music for any dance, I don't care how Earth Pony you are)...
I did take a few badge commissions. In my overwhelmed state sense I forgot to get two of the customers contact info (they have mine). So, I hope you guys that commissioned me e-mail me (with a copy of the receipt or at least the receipt number), so I can get you in my ledger.
My next “Definite” convention is MFM 2016 (Great Con, btw), and I will try and make plans for MFF, but that one is always difficult for me to afford (being right before Christmas, and as my urge to hibernate/seasonal melancholy begins to set in.).
This, the Year of 2016:
This is a post I should have made at New Years, but being all fucked in the head - as I was it - never happened. I declare that I will get all my debts, and art due (commissions as well as all the “Favors” I traded for art which I still owe from 2015), and promises that I have made in 2015 (and I made a lot of them, maybe to many) will be fulfilled before this years end!
That was my Resolution. In addition, I never made a “Lent” post, which was going to be more of the same, but I was still very much in a funk at the start of Lent (Not Catholic, just like the idea of making a personal ritual sacrifice and goals fulfillment during a set time period. Its very rewarding and cathartic). So, if I owe you something from 2015 (art, gift, deed, act, or promise) my goal is declared that you will get it before the end of the year. Which means I am going to be poor more often then not.
My Signature and Brand:
This is sort of connected to the subject below. I sign all my paintings with “O.Holcomb -Date”, and have sense as far back as I can remember. I do this, in-spite of what I am “Known” as by my peers. I have been known by many names in my life (to many I feel). I do this as I keep thinking I will break through to the “Big Time” in the actual art world, but honestly I do 90% of my work with in furry and other fandoms. I have considered taking on a “Pen Name”, other then Ryngs, something more “Nondescript” and “Notable”. Something that both looks and sound more professional. It seems like the artist thing to do in today's art world, and is common across all genres and fandoms. Even among the Human Art World.
Identity crisis:
A lot of people at TFF remember me from years ago, when my persona was a Lapine (Rabbit), and most of them commented about that, and still see me as such. The fact that I wore my Te fursuit (Pronounced: “Day”, who is a rabbit) did not help matters. A lot of these folks asked when I was going to give up my current phenotype (Raccoon) and go back to Rabbit (some saying that it just seems to fit me better). I have to admit I have a strong connection to Lapines. Not to mention I have a thing for cute buck teeth.
No one meant any harm by their statements, and it was a form of flattery. These are not things you say to a suggestive personality type such as me though. For it has left me questioning my self. Not to mention I just cleaned up my On-line “Image” with a new website addy, new FA page, and lots of other account name changes, and I have been made GOH for ArkCONsas under “Ryngs Raccoon”... Even if I wanted to change my persona (which I am tempted to do), it might not be possible at this point.
All this has been bothering me from BEFORE the Con, but has left me doubly filled with self doubt and Identity Crisis after the Con and after this passed week. It also doesn't help that this subject keeps coming up over and over with different - unconnected - people, every single day for the passed week (without any effort or comment on my part). I am finding the constancy and persistence of this subject a little disquieting.
When I close my eyes and visualize my self, I no longer “know” what I see. I have successfully confused my inner self. This whole affair has left me with considerable anxiety and self doubt. I just don't know what to do but all of this, and fear that this is just a symptom of never being content, or at peace, and will leave me with a reputation of “Persona Flaky” (which I seem to have already developed in some circles)...
What should I do?
*Sigh* Furry World Troubles...
Ryngs
Went to TFF last week... More like drug kicking a screaming out of the safety of my hole. I had so many excuses for why I should not have gone. Most turned out to be unfounded, and the others worked them self out. I am glad I went, I NEEDED it. It was an amazing Con, had a few truly AMAZING personal experiences as an artist, and my complaints were few.
I WILL be back next year, and better prepared to offer my art and items that I have made for sale. I may well make it the one Con I plan for (as a Dealer and Artist) from now on. I may even offer to run a panel or two, and I am tempted to take over the Brony Dance Party (Dolly Parton, is NOT okay music for any dance, I don't care how Earth Pony you are)...
I did take a few badge commissions. In my overwhelmed state sense I forgot to get two of the customers contact info (they have mine). So, I hope you guys that commissioned me e-mail me (with a copy of the receipt or at least the receipt number), so I can get you in my ledger.
My next “Definite” convention is MFM 2016 (Great Con, btw), and I will try and make plans for MFF, but that one is always difficult for me to afford (being right before Christmas, and as my urge to hibernate/seasonal melancholy begins to set in.).
This, the Year of 2016:
This is a post I should have made at New Years, but being all fucked in the head - as I was it - never happened. I declare that I will get all my debts, and art due (commissions as well as all the “Favors” I traded for art which I still owe from 2015), and promises that I have made in 2015 (and I made a lot of them, maybe to many) will be fulfilled before this years end!
That was my Resolution. In addition, I never made a “Lent” post, which was going to be more of the same, but I was still very much in a funk at the start of Lent (Not Catholic, just like the idea of making a personal ritual sacrifice and goals fulfillment during a set time period. Its very rewarding and cathartic). So, if I owe you something from 2015 (art, gift, deed, act, or promise) my goal is declared that you will get it before the end of the year. Which means I am going to be poor more often then not.
My Signature and Brand:
This is sort of connected to the subject below. I sign all my paintings with “O.Holcomb -Date”, and have sense as far back as I can remember. I do this, in-spite of what I am “Known” as by my peers. I have been known by many names in my life (to many I feel). I do this as I keep thinking I will break through to the “Big Time” in the actual art world, but honestly I do 90% of my work with in furry and other fandoms. I have considered taking on a “Pen Name”, other then Ryngs, something more “Nondescript” and “Notable”. Something that both looks and sound more professional. It seems like the artist thing to do in today's art world, and is common across all genres and fandoms. Even among the Human Art World.
Identity crisis:
A lot of people at TFF remember me from years ago, when my persona was a Lapine (Rabbit), and most of them commented about that, and still see me as such. The fact that I wore my Te fursuit (Pronounced: “Day”, who is a rabbit) did not help matters. A lot of these folks asked when I was going to give up my current phenotype (Raccoon) and go back to Rabbit (some saying that it just seems to fit me better). I have to admit I have a strong connection to Lapines. Not to mention I have a thing for cute buck teeth.
No one meant any harm by their statements, and it was a form of flattery. These are not things you say to a suggestive personality type such as me though. For it has left me questioning my self. Not to mention I just cleaned up my On-line “Image” with a new website addy, new FA page, and lots of other account name changes, and I have been made GOH for ArkCONsas under “Ryngs Raccoon”... Even if I wanted to change my persona (which I am tempted to do), it might not be possible at this point.
All this has been bothering me from BEFORE the Con, but has left me doubly filled with self doubt and Identity Crisis after the Con and after this passed week. It also doesn't help that this subject keeps coming up over and over with different - unconnected - people, every single day for the passed week (without any effort or comment on my part). I am finding the constancy and persistence of this subject a little disquieting.
When I close my eyes and visualize my self, I no longer “know” what I see. I have successfully confused my inner self. This whole affair has left me with considerable anxiety and self doubt. I just don't know what to do but all of this, and fear that this is just a symptom of never being content, or at peace, and will leave me with a reputation of “Persona Flaky” (which I seem to have already developed in some circles)...
What should I do?
*Sigh* Furry World Troubles...
Ryngs
You don't have to pick one thing and stick with it, you can pick multiple things or shift between things. It's entirely up to you.
You'll probably second-guess whatever you end up picking, but don't sweat, that's you too.
You're an amazing artist, a fun guy, and you excel at being a person. At the end of the day, that's all that really matters is the substance of your character; not what you cloak it in.
Fursona-wise...what do you want to be? At the end of the day that's all that really matters. The rest of it will fall in line.
I was going to go but due to A, B, C, D reasons I decided not to go like 1 month ago. Then everyone I wanted to meet goes, DANG IT.
>>>> When I close my eyes and visualize my self, I no longer “know” what I see. I have successfully confused my inner self. This whole affair has left me with considerable anxiety and self doubt. I just don't know what to do but all of this, and fear that this is just a symptom of never being content, or at peace, and will leave me with a reputation of “Persona Flaky” (which I seem to have already developed in some circles)...
>>> What should I do?
>>> *Sigh* Furry World Troubles...
Oh god. Mnnnphh...
...what about... (prepare for blasphemy...)
...what about keeping both personas and see which one sticks in the long term (and keep both if this never happens)?
That might help? I think it's better than thinking exclusively, with 2 options that cannot coexist. You can be both things at the same time, can you not? This should reduce the pressure to decide and leave it up to time and habit; you may find your answer simply by waiting and seeing how you feel over time.
I'm glad you had fun overall though <3
See you friend!
Welcome to Texas.