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Explaining some things.....
9 years ago
I am not repeating the past again.... that much is for sure. I am back to 10% function basically and I am recovering slowly....To those of you who don't know, I had a bit of an incident in the past few days that tested alot of people, seen a war almost come to fruition, seen good people hurt, bad people destroyed, and basically two very big powerful people turn on each other. I need to explain some things and clear someones name before anything else goes wrong.
I was recently put on a new medication called Dexmethylphenidate. Also known as Focalin. This was to be a very big upgrade from my Propylhexedrine, which is a heavy stimulant that keeps the depression at bay and has been the driving force for me to rebuild my life. Well, at first things started off okay, and the medicine worked and worked very well. It was an upgrade in terms of strength, less neurotoxic, and very low cost, a 30/day supply is 1$, the Propylhexedrine for a 30/day supply is 300$. The Focalin was also supposed to stop the cardiovascular damage the propylhexedrine was doing to my heart. Well....Something went horribly horribly wrong...
2 days ago I woke up insanely depressed, and that aint not supposed to happen....and hasn't happened in a very long time. I didn't know it at the time but my mental barriers we're completely down, I was vulnerable to anything and EVERYTHING and I was literally exposed. Well.... This lead to a chain of events that went beyond bad. Like literally everything that could go wrong did, and everything that needed to work literally failed. This was some comical shit. Apparently I am the very rare 1% of people who get something called Paradoxical Depression as a side effect of the medicine. Meaning, instead of protecting me and keeping my head up and stimulated/cheery, it decided....fuck you Ko! and did the opposite.
Well, I and
shilowolf have been the best of friends for a very long time now. We've seen eachother through some of the worst times of our lives, and I could never have asked for a better friend honestly. Well, I had gotten hurt one day in feburary and had to take a 2 week vacation after getting a bit miffed at her because of a few personal reasons. Mostly cuz my PTSD was accidentally set off. [Jesus christ I sound like a fucking mental psycopath at this point what the fuck]....anyway, well I had fucked up and damaged our friendship unknowingly....and well I sensed somethin wasn't right and so that night 2 days ago I began poking around to see what was wrong and what I could do to fix it...... welp...... I found out what I did wrong.....
and oh shit did I find out what I did wrong......the very hard way.
and ontop of it, the focalin had destroyed my mental barriers....the things people have to protect against stress/hostility/emotional damage.....welllllll needless to saaay, Koko got hurt.......normally I am very good at listening and being there for people. I am very bad at doing the whole *smack the sense into your best friend* kinda thing, and Shilo....well she's a Goddamn pro.... I mean holy fuck YOUDONOTWANNAPISSHEROFFHOLYFUCKINGSHITNOMANBADIDEA......and because my mental barriers were completely down, she didn't smack me upside the head....
She accidentally punched through my fucking skull..... http://i.imgur.com/vswN9sr.gif like this
right now I am recovering, and I am pretty shaken up and I am fighting off some horrid fucking depression, because I actually believed some things that weren't true and my emergency medicine failed to bring the barriers back up and right now they're still down due to the effects of the medication still in my system....unfortunately, the Medical Guard saw me go down and then they came to my defense. Then her comrades kinda went after me and a biiiig olll fashioned shitstorm of epic proportions happened. Mods were called in, people began setting up defensive positions, sides began being drawn....it was actually pretty neat except for the me almost going to the emergency room part.
Despite what had happened between us, I want to make it clear and perfectly clear. Shilo is and always will be one of my best friends and she already made up for it because it was my own fault due to a few miscommunications. She is a very wonderful person, and she does not deserve any retribution or any bad mouthing or rumors or any of that, and the first person to say or do anything of that sort gets my tiny bappin paw punched through your own skull. >___>
It was a perfect storm type of accident that was my fault, and as of now, I don't want to hear anything else coming from it.
I am going to be off of F-list for awhile....I need to think of some things and re-evaluate myself and a few people a bit. However I hope to come back soon when this all blows over. o3o, again, I am very sorry for all that happened, and I am sorry to those who were scared/angry/ran out of popcorn.
God I hate sounding like a mental freak.....
also go look at her artwork, shits pretty cool :3
~Ko
I was recently put on a new medication called Dexmethylphenidate. Also known as Focalin. This was to be a very big upgrade from my Propylhexedrine, which is a heavy stimulant that keeps the depression at bay and has been the driving force for me to rebuild my life. Well, at first things started off okay, and the medicine worked and worked very well. It was an upgrade in terms of strength, less neurotoxic, and very low cost, a 30/day supply is 1$, the Propylhexedrine for a 30/day supply is 300$. The Focalin was also supposed to stop the cardiovascular damage the propylhexedrine was doing to my heart. Well....Something went horribly horribly wrong...
2 days ago I woke up insanely depressed, and that aint not supposed to happen....and hasn't happened in a very long time. I didn't know it at the time but my mental barriers we're completely down, I was vulnerable to anything and EVERYTHING and I was literally exposed. Well.... This lead to a chain of events that went beyond bad. Like literally everything that could go wrong did, and everything that needed to work literally failed. This was some comical shit. Apparently I am the very rare 1% of people who get something called Paradoxical Depression as a side effect of the medicine. Meaning, instead of protecting me and keeping my head up and stimulated/cheery, it decided....fuck you Ko! and did the opposite.
Well, I and
shilowolf have been the best of friends for a very long time now. We've seen eachother through some of the worst times of our lives, and I could never have asked for a better friend honestly. Well, I had gotten hurt one day in feburary and had to take a 2 week vacation after getting a bit miffed at her because of a few personal reasons. Mostly cuz my PTSD was accidentally set off. [Jesus christ I sound like a fucking mental psycopath at this point what the fuck]....anyway, well I had fucked up and damaged our friendship unknowingly....and well I sensed somethin wasn't right and so that night 2 days ago I began poking around to see what was wrong and what I could do to fix it...... welp...... I found out what I did wrong.....and oh shit did I find out what I did wrong......the very hard way.
and ontop of it, the focalin had destroyed my mental barriers....the things people have to protect against stress/hostility/emotional damage.....welllllll needless to saaay, Koko got hurt.......normally I am very good at listening and being there for people. I am very bad at doing the whole *smack the sense into your best friend* kinda thing, and Shilo....well she's a Goddamn pro.... I mean holy fuck YOUDONOTWANNAPISSHEROFFHOLYFUCKINGSHITNOMANBADIDEA......and because my mental barriers were completely down, she didn't smack me upside the head....
She accidentally punched through my fucking skull..... http://i.imgur.com/vswN9sr.gif like this
right now I am recovering, and I am pretty shaken up and I am fighting off some horrid fucking depression, because I actually believed some things that weren't true and my emergency medicine failed to bring the barriers back up and right now they're still down due to the effects of the medication still in my system....unfortunately, the Medical Guard saw me go down and then they came to my defense. Then her comrades kinda went after me and a biiiig olll fashioned shitstorm of epic proportions happened. Mods were called in, people began setting up defensive positions, sides began being drawn....it was actually pretty neat except for the me almost going to the emergency room part.
Despite what had happened between us, I want to make it clear and perfectly clear. Shilo is and always will be one of my best friends and she already made up for it because it was my own fault due to a few miscommunications. She is a very wonderful person, and she does not deserve any retribution or any bad mouthing or rumors or any of that, and the first person to say or do anything of that sort gets my tiny bappin paw punched through your own skull. >___>
It was a perfect storm type of accident that was my fault, and as of now, I don't want to hear anything else coming from it.
I am going to be off of F-list for awhile....I need to think of some things and re-evaluate myself and a few people a bit. However I hope to come back soon when this all blows over. o3o, again, I am very sorry for all that happened, and I am sorry to those who were scared/angry/ran out of popcorn.
God I hate sounding like a mental freak.....
also go look at her artwork, shits pretty cool :3
~Ko
It is probably very very hard to be my friend o3o....
I should work on that and possibly give better benefits to my comrades/say thanks more often for putting up with my bullshit.