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Story of a year
9 years ago
It happens not really often that I am writing a journal and it happens even less often that I write a journal like this.
As the title already suggests it is my hatchday today, a whole year of my life has passed and I am taking a look back from exactly a year ago till now. I might miss a few things that happened or mix up the order of some things, but I will try my best to keep everything chronological.
I am starting with the day exactly a year ago, my last hatchday. It started like a quite normal day, usually I don't make a big thing out of it so there was nothing special to expect. Some friends decided to show up in the afternoon, what was a quite nice surprise since I hadn't expected anyone, so yay for that I guess <^w^>. However, it was still not the best of all days and it was overall a bit sad that someone who means a whole lot to me didn't had the time to spend it with me. With quite a distance between us I didn't expect him to show up, but it was also a disappointment that he didn't had time online to spend it with me. But alright, this is a year ago now and quite a lot has happened.
Just a few weeks later for the first time in my life I had contact with more furries than my (so far not) mate... Dragons, foxes, wolves, rabbits and a lot more, it felt like a great, shiny new world. Even as we had been at EF21 where we had still huge trouble with making contact and mostly stayed for ourselves, it was a great new experience to chat with others now, RPing with them, just spending time with them. But the peace stayed not for long.... On one hand I had to fight for the care and the attention of the one whom I loved.... and suddenly I had to take additionally care for more people... In the beginning it was still bearable, so I kept going. Things that really pained me were that the one whom I loved didn't felt like... Well, like I am enough for him... but that wasn't a reason for me to stop fighting and I kept going the best I could.
By an interesting coincidence I managed to get invited into another group and met even more people... it was insane, so many opinions, so much love and care but in the end... also many problems. I couldn't just stand besides it and watch, that is simply not me... not at all. So I stood up for each of them and fought the best I could, still fighting for the one whom I was in love with. Since I wanted to spend every minute of my life with him I also invited him to the newer group after he had invited me to the other one before. But he didn't felt well there.... He felt ignored and didn't really want to have anything to do with them. Besides that he had his own group, where he... well, simply didn't even ask me if I may wanted to join. I swalloed it and kept going, like I always did in my life. At one evening I met an artist and shared experiences with them... And I got more into contact to get more into everything, to finally get a picture of my dragoness self. And I got it and with that I ordered something very special. I ordered a plushee of my dragoness self for the one whom I loved, at that time finally being a couple with him. The sad thing was.... in a specific way I still wasn't enough for him.... but at least I had made a step forward I thought. A few weeks later we are in ther new year now, 2016 had just started and my strength started to get less, but how should it be else, I kept going because I had something to keep going for. I had a couple of friends who were important for me and I had that loved one for whom I tried to keep going and try to capture his heart so he would finally love me as much as I did love him.
A few months it went on like this, constant fights, the constant try to make things better... meanwhile I also had to search for a new job because my contract would have ended in summer, so yay, even more stress. But somehow I kept going... I have to admit I had a couple of moments where I actually hurt myself and a few less where everything seemed to much, including some moments where my mate, the one who should protect me broke my heart in ways I could have never imagined, hurt me in a way I didn't thought I can feel pain. But I loved him still and kept fighting. In the meantime I had left most of the groups and kept only contact to a few less persons.
At one faithfull day one of the for me most important persons, a dragon, came up to me and told me in the most harsh way to go away... he kicked me to the ground and even as he was not the one I loved... he was a that important friend for me that my heart splintered and I felt like I would never be able to get up from it again... at that point I decided to restart everything, I would throw over my whole social life.... and that is what I did.... I kept the most important persons and with that I restarted.... a few days later I got into a horrible discussion with my mate... I wanted to leave him because I didn't felt like I could go on with it how it had been going.... I really did not saw a sense there anymore... but at the point where I had given up on it he finally started rising and he started fighting for me. So I gave him another chance and.... many things have changed since then...
Also this was the time I started meeting new people out of groups, trying to find people who interest me and well... who just seem like the might make good friends... lucky as I am I find quite a couple of those <3
Now the story of the year almost ends, I went as far into detail as I dared, but can't and don't want to explain everything 100% detailed... the ones for whom it is important know about it. The actual status is I have a job again, not my dream job, but I earn good money from it, so it is fine for now... I am still stuck in a depression, it is not permanent, but it can catch up on me at every minute of the day, often it hits my beloved Mezame who has really recognised what he got in me now and... Even as I after all don't understand why he is fighting for me, caring for me and loves me like no one ever did.... sadly I often drop my depressions on him because he is the one I trust most and who goes with me through every minute of my life.... but that doesn't means that I love him less... not at all, that is what makes me know even more that it is him whom I love and with whom I want to spend my life with <3.
Before I end this way too long journal that hardly anyone is going to read I want to thank a few people, dear friends I never want to have to miss: Drerika; my big sister Avelos; Raize; Cronic and of course my so much loved mate Mezame. Thank you to all of you, I never want to have to miss one of you, because you are all really great friends, really important to me and I would do pretty much everything for you <3
Thanks a lot for everyone who takes the time to read this. With much love, Nachtschwinge <3
As the title already suggests it is my hatchday today, a whole year of my life has passed and I am taking a look back from exactly a year ago till now. I might miss a few things that happened or mix up the order of some things, but I will try my best to keep everything chronological.
I am starting with the day exactly a year ago, my last hatchday. It started like a quite normal day, usually I don't make a big thing out of it so there was nothing special to expect. Some friends decided to show up in the afternoon, what was a quite nice surprise since I hadn't expected anyone, so yay for that I guess <^w^>. However, it was still not the best of all days and it was overall a bit sad that someone who means a whole lot to me didn't had the time to spend it with me. With quite a distance between us I didn't expect him to show up, but it was also a disappointment that he didn't had time online to spend it with me. But alright, this is a year ago now and quite a lot has happened.
Just a few weeks later for the first time in my life I had contact with more furries than my (so far not) mate... Dragons, foxes, wolves, rabbits and a lot more, it felt like a great, shiny new world. Even as we had been at EF21 where we had still huge trouble with making contact and mostly stayed for ourselves, it was a great new experience to chat with others now, RPing with them, just spending time with them. But the peace stayed not for long.... On one hand I had to fight for the care and the attention of the one whom I loved.... and suddenly I had to take additionally care for more people... In the beginning it was still bearable, so I kept going. Things that really pained me were that the one whom I loved didn't felt like... Well, like I am enough for him... but that wasn't a reason for me to stop fighting and I kept going the best I could.
By an interesting coincidence I managed to get invited into another group and met even more people... it was insane, so many opinions, so much love and care but in the end... also many problems. I couldn't just stand besides it and watch, that is simply not me... not at all. So I stood up for each of them and fought the best I could, still fighting for the one whom I was in love with. Since I wanted to spend every minute of my life with him I also invited him to the newer group after he had invited me to the other one before. But he didn't felt well there.... He felt ignored and didn't really want to have anything to do with them. Besides that he had his own group, where he... well, simply didn't even ask me if I may wanted to join. I swalloed it and kept going, like I always did in my life. At one evening I met an artist and shared experiences with them... And I got more into contact to get more into everything, to finally get a picture of my dragoness self. And I got it and with that I ordered something very special. I ordered a plushee of my dragoness self for the one whom I loved, at that time finally being a couple with him. The sad thing was.... in a specific way I still wasn't enough for him.... but at least I had made a step forward I thought. A few weeks later we are in ther new year now, 2016 had just started and my strength started to get less, but how should it be else, I kept going because I had something to keep going for. I had a couple of friends who were important for me and I had that loved one for whom I tried to keep going and try to capture his heart so he would finally love me as much as I did love him.
A few months it went on like this, constant fights, the constant try to make things better... meanwhile I also had to search for a new job because my contract would have ended in summer, so yay, even more stress. But somehow I kept going... I have to admit I had a couple of moments where I actually hurt myself and a few less where everything seemed to much, including some moments where my mate, the one who should protect me broke my heart in ways I could have never imagined, hurt me in a way I didn't thought I can feel pain. But I loved him still and kept fighting. In the meantime I had left most of the groups and kept only contact to a few less persons.
At one faithfull day one of the for me most important persons, a dragon, came up to me and told me in the most harsh way to go away... he kicked me to the ground and even as he was not the one I loved... he was a that important friend for me that my heart splintered and I felt like I would never be able to get up from it again... at that point I decided to restart everything, I would throw over my whole social life.... and that is what I did.... I kept the most important persons and with that I restarted.... a few days later I got into a horrible discussion with my mate... I wanted to leave him because I didn't felt like I could go on with it how it had been going.... I really did not saw a sense there anymore... but at the point where I had given up on it he finally started rising and he started fighting for me. So I gave him another chance and.... many things have changed since then...
Also this was the time I started meeting new people out of groups, trying to find people who interest me and well... who just seem like the might make good friends... lucky as I am I find quite a couple of those <3
Now the story of the year almost ends, I went as far into detail as I dared, but can't and don't want to explain everything 100% detailed... the ones for whom it is important know about it. The actual status is I have a job again, not my dream job, but I earn good money from it, so it is fine for now... I am still stuck in a depression, it is not permanent, but it can catch up on me at every minute of the day, often it hits my beloved Mezame who has really recognised what he got in me now and... Even as I after all don't understand why he is fighting for me, caring for me and loves me like no one ever did.... sadly I often drop my depressions on him because he is the one I trust most and who goes with me through every minute of my life.... but that doesn't means that I love him less... not at all, that is what makes me know even more that it is him whom I love and with whom I want to spend my life with <3.
Before I end this way too long journal that hardly anyone is going to read I want to thank a few people, dear friends I never want to have to miss: Drerika; my big sister Avelos; Raize; Cronic and of course my so much loved mate Mezame. Thank you to all of you, I never want to have to miss one of you, because you are all really great friends, really important to me and I would do pretty much everything for you <3
Thanks a lot for everyone who takes the time to read this. With much love, Nachtschwinge <3
I believe it's your birthday today and if so I wish you happy birthday and a happy long life with Mez. You both are awesome and I'm glad you found each other. <3