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Bit of a Bal'Kar update. Current thoughts on things.
9 years ago
(¯`·._.·(¯`·._.· One with the Hive ·._.·´¯)·._.·´¯) Hey everyone!
Thought id give you an update on myself and whats been going on with me in general.
I'll just come out and say it all upfront, feedback and support is always welcome!
Recently i had to step down from the position i was in at work. I was getting up at 4am in the morning, and coming home at 7pm.
Work had given me their expectations that certain things must be completed by 8am in the fucking morning, which meant 5am starts.
Because i lived 45 minutes away (No traffic) it meant really early starts.
on top of that i was expected to stay till 5pm. Being on a salary wage i was being paid for 40 hours a week, but i ended up hitting around 60 a week.
Thats 20 unpaid hours....not including commute time. Finishing at 5pm (Peak hour time) meant an easy 2 hour drive home in traffic.
Ill be honest...I was literally going insane, i felt i had no time to relax and do the things i wanted to do. I started using weed as a crutch and i was quickly discovering the edge of my universe. I was beginning to develop serious mental issues, when i realized that some of these thoughts i had were becoming suicidal, i had to step away.
Its hard coming to terms with yourself admitting you have a mental illness...even now i refuse to believe i have such issues.
The only things keeping me together is my pride for the Bal'Kar and the community i have been part of in developing it as not just a crazy slimy creature, but as a thing that is forming a community of the friendliest people i have ever met in my life. We talk about normal things, and "Role play" into a universe somewhat unknown to most.
Lately there has been lots of world messages going around "not to give up" on who you are and "Being yourself".
I really want to believe in this but my creation literally gives me absolutely no income. In fact it does quite the opposite...
Being consumed by the necessity to work all the time, I've had no time to develop my own skills in helping me work on the Bal'Kar and Ive had to pay others to help illiterate my ideas.
Whats more is i look around the Fandom and I'm starting to see "Similar things". Something inside me looks at images and i cant help but think "Wait a minute, this is eerily close to the Bal'Kar Concepts". Some Ive found AND been told by others that are blatant ripoffs too.
Its disheartening to see, but also tells me my ideas must be good enough to form something out of.
more concerning things i hear are those spreading rumors that im forming some kind of "Cult".
Perhaps its the way i sell the Bal'Kars motives, but i think its people just taking my "Fictional" stories too literal.
Anyway i just want to say cause yanno...."Furries".... NO IM NOT A DOOMSDAY PERSON!
NO im not an ancient hidden master out to control you all.
NO im not manipulating peoples consciousnesses...
Perhaps i am sending a message that we ARE in a system where we feel like puppets to to a system that is out to annihilate our greater purposes in life.
(Which is to just be yourselves and tell YOUR story)
I'm creating a new world within the one we already live in, A Story for people to delve into at their own choice, just like you had the choice to watch Starwars or Stranger Things.
Going back to the start of my journal. yes i have stepped down in hopes my stress levels come down and i can once again start focusing on developing my wiki page and making story and lore for you to all enjoy.
I have a lot of work to do in trying to better sell off the Bal'Kar to others.
Hopefully now i have an extra 5 hours in each of my days as i now work a standard 38 hours and it only takes me 15 mins to get home.
More Bal'Kar stuff is coming!
Thought id give you an update on myself and whats been going on with me in general.
I'll just come out and say it all upfront, feedback and support is always welcome!
Recently i had to step down from the position i was in at work. I was getting up at 4am in the morning, and coming home at 7pm.
Work had given me their expectations that certain things must be completed by 8am in the fucking morning, which meant 5am starts.
Because i lived 45 minutes away (No traffic) it meant really early starts.
on top of that i was expected to stay till 5pm. Being on a salary wage i was being paid for 40 hours a week, but i ended up hitting around 60 a week.
Thats 20 unpaid hours....not including commute time. Finishing at 5pm (Peak hour time) meant an easy 2 hour drive home in traffic.
Ill be honest...I was literally going insane, i felt i had no time to relax and do the things i wanted to do. I started using weed as a crutch and i was quickly discovering the edge of my universe. I was beginning to develop serious mental issues, when i realized that some of these thoughts i had were becoming suicidal, i had to step away.
Its hard coming to terms with yourself admitting you have a mental illness...even now i refuse to believe i have such issues.
The only things keeping me together is my pride for the Bal'Kar and the community i have been part of in developing it as not just a crazy slimy creature, but as a thing that is forming a community of the friendliest people i have ever met in my life. We talk about normal things, and "Role play" into a universe somewhat unknown to most.
Lately there has been lots of world messages going around "not to give up" on who you are and "Being yourself".
I really want to believe in this but my creation literally gives me absolutely no income. In fact it does quite the opposite...
Being consumed by the necessity to work all the time, I've had no time to develop my own skills in helping me work on the Bal'Kar and Ive had to pay others to help illiterate my ideas.
Whats more is i look around the Fandom and I'm starting to see "Similar things". Something inside me looks at images and i cant help but think "Wait a minute, this is eerily close to the Bal'Kar Concepts". Some Ive found AND been told by others that are blatant ripoffs too.
Its disheartening to see, but also tells me my ideas must be good enough to form something out of.
more concerning things i hear are those spreading rumors that im forming some kind of "Cult".
Perhaps its the way i sell the Bal'Kars motives, but i think its people just taking my "Fictional" stories too literal.
Anyway i just want to say cause yanno...."Furries".... NO IM NOT A DOOMSDAY PERSON!
NO im not an ancient hidden master out to control you all.
NO im not manipulating peoples consciousnesses...
Perhaps i am sending a message that we ARE in a system where we feel like puppets to to a system that is out to annihilate our greater purposes in life.
(Which is to just be yourselves and tell YOUR story)
I'm creating a new world within the one we already live in, A Story for people to delve into at their own choice, just like you had the choice to watch Starwars or Stranger Things.
Going back to the start of my journal. yes i have stepped down in hopes my stress levels come down and i can once again start focusing on developing my wiki page and making story and lore for you to all enjoy.
I have a lot of work to do in trying to better sell off the Bal'Kar to others.
Hopefully now i have an extra 5 hours in each of my days as i now work a standard 38 hours and it only takes me 15 mins to get home.
More Bal'Kar stuff is coming!
Sorry you had to go through all of that though. I can somewhat sympathize with that, especially since work can be a bitch -- obviously a necessary part of life but it is so common for higher ups to take advantage. Sometimes delving into fantasy is a good catharsis to everything so long as you don't lose your grip on reality, and I don't think you have :)
Plus its good to hear you got another job -- are you enjoying it more than your old one (besides the obvious benefit of having a shorter commute)?
Well, I'm glad that you're happy with the direction of things.
Also, all hail Bal'Kar o3o
I look forward to the more Bal'kar stuff you have planned. Your creation has certainly peaked my curiosity.
Regardless, it's good to know you're taking care of yourself now and things sound like they are looking up for you. Hope they'll keep improving man.
And of course, can't wait to see what other tentacled-goodies you've got in store for us!
That's probably also why, while I am interested in the concept, I'd much prefer to watch from a safe distance with as much firepower as possible between myself and the Bal'kar. To each their own, of course.
As for people copying your stuff. It happens and it sucks. But you know what? If they ever try to attack you for your creation, you can just pull up the time stamps of your earliest Bal'kar creations and expose the fool for a narcissistic jerk.
This little world you've made, I want to be a part of it.
Knowing your limits and adjusting your life to fit within what you know you can do is not in any way a weak thing to do. It takes a lot of willpower to step away from bad situations sometimes.
As for the Bal'kar stuff, I guess take it as flattery that people would copy it or think it's a cult? As Oscar Wilde said, the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
=3
I have had my issues with depression and suicidal thoughts stemming from when my mother passed away and my dad's health struggles with schizophrenia, diabetes plus the responsibility of caring for him. There is still a stigma surrounding mental health problems that needs to be fixed because it doesn't solve the issue.
I hope there is a brighter future ahead for you. Good Luck!