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I have to become more strict with myself....and all of you..
9 years ago
(¯`·._.·(¯`·._.· One with the Hive ·._.·´¯)·._.·´¯) I have some major problems....all of which Ive convinced myself i am the cause, when I'm actually not.
Being the person i am revolved around the things i have created, I'm receiving attention from others that i actually dont like.
And that's saying a lot since I've never really been in this position ever in life before. I've always been the black sheep at school, within my own family. Ive only ever really known isolation. (Which is why the Bal'Kar exists today. Its a monster spawned from isolation)
But I'm not the kind of person that wants to say "Hey you are annoying me, please stop", because i see it as disrespectful to those that simply want to be friends and mingle because they TOO might be experiencing isolation
And that's just it! At the end of the day i know its just all of you wanting to find an interest in the things i do because you can relate to what the Bal'Kar represents, but it is literally killing my creative vibes.
I'm just 1 person, from my perspective it can sometimes feel I'm surrounded by a bunch of Zombies reaching out to me with their grabby hands. I dont mean that in a disrespectful way, that's literally how it sometimes feels inside of me. For someone who has been in a shell their whole life to now receiving all this attention. People dont actually realize how uncomfortable that makes me feel.
With so many questions being asked from so many people, i feel I'm in a permanent interview state and the creation i have made has stopped progressing because I'm spending more time answering people than i am spending that time creating more on my universe i initially set out to create from within MYSELF. Suddenly The Bal'Kar is now all about the people that love it and any changes i want to make, i now have to consider the reactions of those that watch it to prevent backlash and disappointment.
People are making their own stories within my universe and i need to be there for them to make sure they so not stray afar from my initial visions of the lore Ive set. because people will see these stories, and if they are not correct, it can cause confusion, leading to people asking EVEN MORE questions. Its all very taxing and it is something i never ever saw coming.
SO
I have goals. Some which involve a physical move to a different country in order to pursue these goals, i need to work on them like my life depends on it and a lot of the time i feel im not getting any leeway on even these goals because of the situation im currently in here in Australia.
If you have any questions about me or the Bal'Kar you can also direct them towards other close friends of mine like
vene and 
golawaya
I also have a WIKI [www.the-balkar.com] you can all read. And yes, i know, people that read the wiki simply come back with more questions because it is unfinished and its simply in the nature of human minds to be curious. But I'm never going to get it finished if I'm answering questions on the Bal'Kar all the time.
I will be answering people less and less because i need to focus. I cannot be there for every single tom dick and harry, as much as id like to! I can't! It is simply impossible!
Its causing me a great deal of stress that's leading me down the path of depression with MY OWN DREAMS.
What makes this whole thing even worse is my ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). I tend to hyper-focus, which makes me hyper-forget. If i begin talking to someone, the previous person i was talking to can sometimes be left in limbo, leaving them a bit sad, which makes me feel even worse when I'm told this. Same goes for chat rooms, I'll be in one chat room, then check on another, then realize 30 minutes have gone by and I've missed a whole bunch of more important stuff from the previous chat i would have rather been there for, making me feel left out.
I would blame myself for this, leaving me and my mind at a complete blank on the situation...i have no idea how to remedy the situation and ill just curl up into a ball.
All in all i am simply talking to far too many people, leaving me no time to do the things i know you all want to see more of.
I truly appreciate all the love the Bal'Kar has been getting, but if i dont answer, please dont get upset, because that just upsets me more in return. (That's just me and how i was raised)
I read and cherish every comment. Never in my wildest dreams did i think the Bal'Kar would be what it is today....and that's just within the furry fandom.
There are days i just sit back and go "Wow there are soo many people on this planet!". The Bal'Kar is a niche thing within an already niche community.
With that in mind knowing how many like it fuels my passion to push this thing further (maybe even outside the community in future years to come).
But this passion of mine is being drowned by the attention too, its a double edged sword. Its very hard to balance that's for sure.
I'm not saying i wont be around to talk and the likes. I just need to find the right balance.
Anyways, thanks for listening to this weird alien soul of mine! you all rock!
Being the person i am revolved around the things i have created, I'm receiving attention from others that i actually dont like.
And that's saying a lot since I've never really been in this position ever in life before. I've always been the black sheep at school, within my own family. Ive only ever really known isolation. (Which is why the Bal'Kar exists today. Its a monster spawned from isolation)
But I'm not the kind of person that wants to say "Hey you are annoying me, please stop", because i see it as disrespectful to those that simply want to be friends and mingle because they TOO might be experiencing isolation
And that's just it! At the end of the day i know its just all of you wanting to find an interest in the things i do because you can relate to what the Bal'Kar represents, but it is literally killing my creative vibes.
I'm just 1 person, from my perspective it can sometimes feel I'm surrounded by a bunch of Zombies reaching out to me with their grabby hands. I dont mean that in a disrespectful way, that's literally how it sometimes feels inside of me. For someone who has been in a shell their whole life to now receiving all this attention. People dont actually realize how uncomfortable that makes me feel.
With so many questions being asked from so many people, i feel I'm in a permanent interview state and the creation i have made has stopped progressing because I'm spending more time answering people than i am spending that time creating more on my universe i initially set out to create from within MYSELF. Suddenly The Bal'Kar is now all about the people that love it and any changes i want to make, i now have to consider the reactions of those that watch it to prevent backlash and disappointment.
People are making their own stories within my universe and i need to be there for them to make sure they so not stray afar from my initial visions of the lore Ive set. because people will see these stories, and if they are not correct, it can cause confusion, leading to people asking EVEN MORE questions. Its all very taxing and it is something i never ever saw coming.
SO
I have goals. Some which involve a physical move to a different country in order to pursue these goals, i need to work on them like my life depends on it and a lot of the time i feel im not getting any leeway on even these goals because of the situation im currently in here in Australia.
If you have any questions about me or the Bal'Kar you can also direct them towards other close friends of mine like
vene and 
golawayaI also have a WIKI [www.the-balkar.com] you can all read. And yes, i know, people that read the wiki simply come back with more questions because it is unfinished and its simply in the nature of human minds to be curious. But I'm never going to get it finished if I'm answering questions on the Bal'Kar all the time.
I will be answering people less and less because i need to focus. I cannot be there for every single tom dick and harry, as much as id like to! I can't! It is simply impossible!
Its causing me a great deal of stress that's leading me down the path of depression with MY OWN DREAMS.
What makes this whole thing even worse is my ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). I tend to hyper-focus, which makes me hyper-forget. If i begin talking to someone, the previous person i was talking to can sometimes be left in limbo, leaving them a bit sad, which makes me feel even worse when I'm told this. Same goes for chat rooms, I'll be in one chat room, then check on another, then realize 30 minutes have gone by and I've missed a whole bunch of more important stuff from the previous chat i would have rather been there for, making me feel left out.
I would blame myself for this, leaving me and my mind at a complete blank on the situation...i have no idea how to remedy the situation and ill just curl up into a ball.
All in all i am simply talking to far too many people, leaving me no time to do the things i know you all want to see more of.
I truly appreciate all the love the Bal'Kar has been getting, but if i dont answer, please dont get upset, because that just upsets me more in return. (That's just me and how i was raised)
I read and cherish every comment. Never in my wildest dreams did i think the Bal'Kar would be what it is today....and that's just within the furry fandom.
There are days i just sit back and go "Wow there are soo many people on this planet!". The Bal'Kar is a niche thing within an already niche community.
With that in mind knowing how many like it fuels my passion to push this thing further (maybe even outside the community in future years to come).
But this passion of mine is being drowned by the attention too, its a double edged sword. Its very hard to balance that's for sure.
I'm not saying i wont be around to talk and the likes. I just need to find the right balance.
Anyways, thanks for listening to this weird alien soul of mine! you all rock!
I for one know you are turning me into a better person every day
To the Bal'Kar, they are simply showing you their way of life. In order to do that, the opposition sees it like they are being enslaved.
This could teach you many IRL lessons too. Like the way we currently work minimum wage for big corporations today.
Is this enslavement? or are they passively showing you a bigger picture here?
No one is at fault here
I'm not blaming anyone. I Shouldn't even blame myself. these things are just there. yanno?
But the lack of attention and focus i have is a massive problem for me now.
I hope you feel better soon.
Maybe asking one of your less busy Bal'Kar friends would be better, assuming they've been clued in pretty well on the details. Hmm...
ive just been inundated as of late and am just trying to collect myself again