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Has it really been a month??
9 years ago
Hi~
I swear I did not realize I was inactive for so long. I usually don't allow myself to be social when I'm on the low curve of depression because I'm very negative and dark about everything, it never lasted this long.
Few things happened why it was;
Lot's of sad new here.
That one YCH week didn't cover everything I wanted it to after all and I was left with severe financial struggles, cutting ends and leaving me feel really failed.
My relatives came barging in and harassing me - I never told them my address, they only knew the general area and harassed our neighbors until they found out where I live about a year ago. They showed up again 2 weeks ago, shouted from the street with disgusting remarks, it was horrible to endure, I almost had to call the police on them. They withheld some bills from ever reaching me, only handing me after it got a lawyer-fee added to it since they were trying to reach me for over 2 years; ; a single month payment i forgot to resolve back when i left that place with that fee blew out to be almost 400USD. I have no idea what to do about it. I can already not afford to eat properly, I couldn't but a hoodie for the winter, this is just impossible and fucking unfair.
Then I got down about my art, it just wasn't succeeding and I felt really stuck on everything. Right when I would have needed to get things done the most.
My condition is strongly dependent on my stress levels, and as it was expected, it got really bad, almost fell back to my June state with edema, pain and exhaustion. I have never felt so burnt out and hopeless.
And this is a really small thing, but it really put me down; ever since Fantastic beasts was announced I was looking so forward seeing it, I watched every stream and stalked every tweet about it with excitement - just to be here, not able to afford a ticket to go and see it. It might be a really insignificant thing, but I feel just really really defeated.
My birthday was always a very depressive time of year for me. This year I can't even drink myself over it as since summer i am never to drink alcohol again for my condition, and then there is that 400$ bs. No Christmas either this year I guess.
I apologize I hid until this all went away at least emotionally and I could once again be a functional person and artist. I worked on paid commissions mostly, though didn't really get anything done, everything was very forced and slow going. Hopefully now I can get back into the roll of things quickly.
I swear I did not realize I was inactive for so long. I usually don't allow myself to be social when I'm on the low curve of depression because I'm very negative and dark about everything, it never lasted this long.
Few things happened why it was;
Lot's of sad new here.
That one YCH week didn't cover everything I wanted it to after all and I was left with severe financial struggles, cutting ends and leaving me feel really failed.
My relatives came barging in and harassing me - I never told them my address, they only knew the general area and harassed our neighbors until they found out where I live about a year ago. They showed up again 2 weeks ago, shouted from the street with disgusting remarks, it was horrible to endure, I almost had to call the police on them. They withheld some bills from ever reaching me, only handing me after it got a lawyer-fee added to it since they were trying to reach me for over 2 years; ; a single month payment i forgot to resolve back when i left that place with that fee blew out to be almost 400USD. I have no idea what to do about it. I can already not afford to eat properly, I couldn't but a hoodie for the winter, this is just impossible and fucking unfair.
Then I got down about my art, it just wasn't succeeding and I felt really stuck on everything. Right when I would have needed to get things done the most.
My condition is strongly dependent on my stress levels, and as it was expected, it got really bad, almost fell back to my June state with edema, pain and exhaustion. I have never felt so burnt out and hopeless.
And this is a really small thing, but it really put me down; ever since Fantastic beasts was announced I was looking so forward seeing it, I watched every stream and stalked every tweet about it with excitement - just to be here, not able to afford a ticket to go and see it. It might be a really insignificant thing, but I feel just really really defeated.
My birthday was always a very depressive time of year for me. This year I can't even drink myself over it as since summer i am never to drink alcohol again for my condition, and then there is that 400$ bs. No Christmas either this year I guess.
I apologize I hid until this all went away at least emotionally and I could once again be a functional person and artist. I worked on paid commissions mostly, though didn't really get anything done, everything was very forced and slow going. Hopefully now I can get back into the roll of things quickly.
I hope that something good will roll up asap that can help you to see hope on the way, really unfortunate that all this had to happend to you, life can surely put up a struggle ya have to fight through to win
*gives you ultra super duper big hug and covers you in a thick layer of fur* hope you find something to keep you warm over the winter :O
I know what you mean about just utterly withdrawing when times are at their worst, and I feel you there, big time ;;
Your work is beautiful and awesome, don't ever doubt that! No dumb relatives or financial turbulence can change that fact, ever.
I've always enjoyed your art, so here's a little something in return.
Cheers,
Aly.
Also I know what it's like to be really excited about a film for so long and not afford to see it, I won't have any money until Wednesday but when it arrives I'd be more than happy to drop you money for a film ticket (though I would insist it went on the ticket, and not bills!). Just drop me a note if you'd like, with your paypal.
We already reserved seats for the last day of it playing in theaters with help from others, (only after we bought a substantial amount of cat-food of course, cats come first). Thank you very much for the thought, it's really super kind of you!!
But it's my pleasure, I know what it's like to wait so long for a film and then not be able to afford it at the cinema! I'm glad to hear the cats are ok too. If you're ever in desperate need of money for cat food or something, do drop me a note, I may not be able to afford the help but if I can I'd be happy to help with small essential purchases.