so as of late i have no internet. the only way im currently talking to everyone now is that im at the public library using their computers. dont worry i put my account on sfw till otherwise. i no longer have phone service the only way im currently able to talk to anyone via skype telegram kik is due to im mooching off one of my neighbors wifi which i got permission to use but its pretty spotty cause im not getting full wifi its like half a bar of wifi from them due to the distance and it sucks ass. me and my mother are currently in debt. ive had to sell some of my stuff here and there at garage sales to make ends meet. i do sometimes kinda mooch off anyone using hotspot though when i can cause i have no service,no internet, no way to really connect to anyone to tell them that i have not been able to do jack shit. i have gotten turned down from multiple jobs and my last line to get a job is applying for something i absolutely cant stomach which is bio cleanup which hires anyone background past can be anything but i just cant stand the sight of real accidents. the first time i ever saw a dead body which was when i went to visit a friend in fort worth Texas and there was a pile up and i watched a person fly out of their car into the air head first into the ground and i saw the head splatter. i vomited violently. so as well as that i'm losing all spark to even draw, right, play games, communicate with anyone. im becoming mentally unstable to the point ive started to gain weight again instead of losing it.

so yeah this year by far is worse than last year. it just keeps getting worse for me and i honestly dont know how long i can take it before i fuckin snap. the only thing currently keeping me sane right now is being able to play on my 2ds and drawing what little i can.

litteral break down is imminent and i honestly dont know what i can do to stop it. unless some miracle happens my psyche is just going to plummet to the depths.