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Suggestions? Conventions by myself with social anxiety?
8 years ago
General
It's still weighing on me.
Why the hell do I still go to conventions?
I'm always there by myself, alone, with SHITLOADS of social anxiety and other mental blocks. I honestly don't know what to do with myself for the span of time.
I mean I'm good for browsing through the dealer's area a couple times, sitting in for a few panels, and maybe wondering around in suit / costume for a bit. But I end up with a LOT of time left to fill.
But I can't really get myself to get into things like the raves, drinking at the bar / room parties, or even just "hanging out". I clam up and don't know what to do with myself. It doesn't help that I'm a loner 40 years old introvert around a bunch of outgoing, socially active people in their 20's or even younger.
They like to say that conventions can be good for meeting new people but I've got so many blocks that keep me from introducing myself or opening up or anything. It doesn't help that conventions are also a great place to do things with friends and all my anxiety riddled mind sees is all the groups of people who already know each other doing their own thing having their own fun together. So not only do I feel like I have no way to start a conversation, but it makes me feel like if I DID try to say anything, I'd be butting in and interrupting whatever they're doing.
It also doesn't help that I've got other external bullshit I've been dealing with at the same time that has just kept building up greater and greater for MONTHS now. On today's PA podcast, Jerry Holkins was asked the following:
Question: "Are you happy?"
Jerry: "No. But I'm trying."
Beginning of the year, I'd probably say the same thing (if you could ACTUALLY get me to admit it out loud instead of just saying "eh"). But with all the shit that has been piling up from both internal and external sources and how FAST it's been hitting lately, I honestly don't think I could anymore. I REALLY wish I could keep trying but it's hard when all my mind lets me see is the years of failure to do anything beyond basic introductions.
Why the hell do I still go to conventions?
I'm always there by myself, alone, with SHITLOADS of social anxiety and other mental blocks. I honestly don't know what to do with myself for the span of time.
I mean I'm good for browsing through the dealer's area a couple times, sitting in for a few panels, and maybe wondering around in suit / costume for a bit. But I end up with a LOT of time left to fill.
But I can't really get myself to get into things like the raves, drinking at the bar / room parties, or even just "hanging out". I clam up and don't know what to do with myself. It doesn't help that I'm a loner 40 years old introvert around a bunch of outgoing, socially active people in their 20's or even younger.
They like to say that conventions can be good for meeting new people but I've got so many blocks that keep me from introducing myself or opening up or anything. It doesn't help that conventions are also a great place to do things with friends and all my anxiety riddled mind sees is all the groups of people who already know each other doing their own thing having their own fun together. So not only do I feel like I have no way to start a conversation, but it makes me feel like if I DID try to say anything, I'd be butting in and interrupting whatever they're doing.
What should I be doing?It also doesn't help that I've got other external bullshit I've been dealing with at the same time that has just kept building up greater and greater for MONTHS now. On today's PA podcast, Jerry Holkins was asked the following:
Question: "Are you happy?"
Jerry: "No. But I'm trying."
Beginning of the year, I'd probably say the same thing (if you could ACTUALLY get me to admit it out loud instead of just saying "eh"). But with all the shit that has been piling up from both internal and external sources and how FAST it's been hitting lately, I honestly don't think I could anymore. I REALLY wish I could keep trying but it's hard when all my mind lets me see is the years of failure to do anything beyond basic introductions.
Have you asked us this question before ?
But don't worry, I'm still heading out to Califur and hope to meet up with you.
If some folks are rude after complimenting their costume, they are rude and not worth talking to anyway.
- The Desert Fox
I guess a big part of my concerns about meeting people at cons is I'm out there as WulfBane or Foxy or Green Arrow or whomever and not letting anybody see "Michael".
but to be honest im a introvert too i havnt gone to a con in a long time.
not cus i don't want to go but cus of money but I realize now that being social is uncomfortable for me and excasting personally when i go to comicon all i do is play dnd in the hyatt thats the best for me.
i think ill stick to going to cons ( if i ever get money again lol) so i can continue to play games something i enjoy.
I've gone to an anime con before and though i love anime i felt so awkward cus everyone was in a click im like why am i here i ended up crying and watching anime in the hotel room. i figure i can just be satisfied being home happy with my anime and ordering things WAY CHEAPER than at the dealers den.
being social isnt for everyone nothing wrong with it.i hope you find what makes you happy and continue to do that.
have a lovely day
As for my desire to be social, it's because I'm in a continuous state of solutide. I don't have anybody I'm around on a regular basis. I have some friends I see maybe once a month and others I often see at cons, but 29 days out of the month, I'm just in my house by myself. And I know a lot of it is because I can't seem to open up and offer myself up or anything like that. I just shut myself in too much that I wish I could change that.
Hell, outside relatives, I think there may be three people out there who have my phone number. At one side, yes I know you don't just need to go around giving everyone on the street your number. But the other end, it's a very stark example of how much I clam up around people and almost seem to avoid giving people ways to get in touch with me. I hate it.
So yeah, "going to conventions" feels like it's something I personally should be doing in that category of "get out there and meet people" type of activities that in theory could help me. I'm just so terribly bad at allowing my guard down even the slightest amount to meet people beyond maybe a few moments of random conversation with yet another random con goer.
I'd try setting some specific, measurable, small goals about certain social interactions each time you leave your hotel room. Such as: "After I go to XYZ panel, I'm going to go up to the panelists afterward and tell them how much I enjoyed it" or "today, I'm going to compliment people on their fursuits and ask them if they made them themselves, and as soon as I find someone who says that they made their own suit, I'm going to ask them to tell me about their process." This way, you enter a situation having a plan ahead of time, so you feel prepared to start things off. And if the conversation goes nowhere after that... well, you reached your initial goal, then, didn't you? And for a lot of people (and I'm not just talking about you--I'm also talking about the people you will approach), starting conversations is the hardest part.
As someone who used to be frankly awful at making friends (I was definitely one of those "zero friends in middle school" nerds) but now finds making conversation to be very easy, I can say that comfortable conversations with other people are one of the harder skills in life to master, and you aren't the only one who struggles. I know it can seem that way, but remember that the 20-something furs who all seem to know each other are just the loudest and most active (and therefore most visible) ones. There are plenty of other people nervously sitting in their own hotel rooms not sure what to do, too.