as of late reason why i have not done shit and stuff such as art and what not. i just cant anymore. the money ive taken for commissions i cant even pay back cause ive had to use it to pay my fuckin bills. i am broke beyond all reasons atm i dont wanna take any more commissoins as art cause i dont wanna be in anymore debt for taking money from 2 people that i still owe art too. i feel like scum. i feel like ive been used because the one girl i was dating as of late basically fuckin used me for what lil money i did have. i paid for dinner for the both of us. i paid for movies at most twice when i could. and what lil money i did have i went to her place and spent it on a cab so i could visit her. i cant take feeling like utter shit. not being able to work with my hands and make art when i have no passion or drive for it feels like when i draw something that its utter shit. the only things ive posted up for pictures was 2 2ds colours pictures i did cause i felt a lil artistic. this is infuriating. i have no words in how dissappointed i am with myself. im beating myself up whenever i get near my computer and try to even remotely draw i basically get halfway through a fuckin sketch and i just erase the whole thing cause it looks like shit. i basically jusut draw it erase cause im like this is shit i can do better but every single flying shit tit fuck time i try to redo it i just feel like it is shit.

i dont know what else i can do. ive lost all insterest in attempting to draw. ive lost all respect with a bitch fuckin harlet for using me then dumping me when i couldnt afford her something. its like IT JUST KEEPS GETTING FUCKIN WORSE AND WORSE IM FUCKIN STARTING TO LOSE MY SHIT HERE. not even playing a game helps me out of my slump or reading a book or even going to school at this point. i just want it all to fuckin end please. someone end my fuckin missery already. im tired of this shit when i act nice and try to help someone out or even remotely help someone out of the kindness of my heart that i just get this instant backlash of fuckin shitty luck, getting treated like shit, basically getting used as someones ass rag, and all this other shit.

 dirvish if you guys or anyone else i supposedly owe art too see this and stuff if you so chose to try and report me for scamming or some shit i dont blame you im disgusted with myself as is. at this point i wouldnt be surprised if you did already or not. i just cant win in life no matter how fuckin hard i try. im seriously starting to get paranoid as shit.