Heya! I've been feeling kinda sad lately, for not being the perfect man I could be. I mean, I have everything a person needs: a job, an apartment, a fox. There are even some mild promises of financial security. But stories never end like in fairy tales, do they? No one ever lives happily ever after, because there's always a higher mountain to climb, a bigger record to break.

Should I stay at this equilibrium, or move to Palo Alto to crash and burn my weird tech ideas? It's a battle between hedonistic selfish FOMO and old school Christian ethics of being a good person.

I also kind of hit this bump recently, where contentedness in an otherwise Good Life starts to dwindle. Abandoning all of it and starting up a new life is always tempting but rarely fulfilling. Change is attractive, but the change that matters comes slowly and and with a bit of difficulty.

I've been focusing on my growth as a person, in areas that can't be taught but have to be experienced and folded into your disposition. Things like practicing sincerity, kindness, selflessness, etc. I've never felt truer to myself, and that contentedness has returned for now. Everything I'm doing is a slow burn, but I'd honestly rather stay warm with a slow burn than to have everything around me set on fire, so to speak.

If you don't have some houseplants to take care of, I'd highly recommend it. It's cheesy, but seeing them grow as a result of my care and attention makes me feel like I can grow, too!

Neat advice! I had houseplants in my apartment but can't remember when I decided to remove them...

Life is just annoyingly stressful right now. My mate's mother wanted him for 3 weeks for Thanksgiving (well, she wanted him over for a month, he wanted a week, compromise was 3 weeks), so he's off in Oregon and I'm stuck at home with a cat who is missing him terribly and a snake that will realize she missed him (last time he was gone for awhile, she was clinging to him almost painfully when he got home). Grad school is stress piled on stress, and I'm starting to wonder if I bit off more than I can chew with the topic I'm doing for a final historiographical paper for one of my classes. I can't back out of it now though, not because too much work is done, but because the professor (who is also my advisor) is enthusiastic about me doing this topic, so fml. Meanwhile I've got a 600 page book to read this weekend and write a historiographic review of so that I don't have to deal with it over Thanksgiving, when I'll be flying home for 4 days, and leaving the cat and snake alone in the house.

Sorry to rant, but this morning I'm just tired and annoyed and in general wish I could go hide under a rock with my Switch and remain there for a year or two.

I'd show yah cute cat pics but I have no idea how I'd upload them here. So just know that he is a big fluffy maine coon with a heart of gold. <3

Life deffo throws periods at us when the only real solutions take longer than we'd like, ie: patience and some dedicated work. It takes a lot of discipline to get yourself working toward those long-term goals instead of just treating yourself to some short-term happiness (which isn't a bad thing if done in balance with everything else), but when all the work is done, in my experience, it's never felt like it wasn't worth the effort.

Write up a to-do list with big ol' check boxes with everything on your plate, and then eat up everything on that plate one step at a time!

And whenever my partner's away and I miss the hell out of him, I give him a call as often as I can! Three weeks can feel like a long while, but they'll be back before you know it!

Yeah, life has a habit of doing that. I've got until Dec 7th to get this paper done- it's only 12 pages, but as a PhD student the bar for writing and research is set rather high.... I have to spend today and tomorrow searching for and ordering some books for this paper, and Thanksgiving reading them so I can write the damn thing. My big issue is I chose a topic that, while relevant to my own studies (thus why the prof wants me to write on it), we didn't really read or do anything in class on it, and so I'm kinda feeling like I'm starting from scratch. Other students chose topics that we did cover, I had to dream big and now I'm kinda ruing that I did.

Check list might be a good idea that I'll take yah up on x3 I'm lucky I guess that my other classes are winding down. I've been chatting with my mate on Telegram mostly- big issue is his mom retired and moved to middle-of-no-where eastern oregon (not even the pretty side of the state), and so his internet and mobile connection is crap.

I'll also use this opportunity to say how much I love your art and really want to commish you sometime (when I get paid maybe) for some watersports art >.=.>;;

I'm good. I actually only started watching you rather recently, but I'm very glad I did. Your art is super enjoyable to take a gander at and, with luck, I might slide on in next batch and try and get a commission from you.

I've actually been visiting Florida for the past week and I'm just about to leave and head home. The unflattering flight, from Fort Walton to Houston to Chicago to back home. 16 hours! [[ proceeds to die ]]
i shall be back on the friday "orz

Oh, thank you for the kind words on my art!!

Long flights are definitely tough!! I don't have the luxury of being able to sleep on flights so I usually bring a graphic novel or two. They're quick reads, but you get a complete and really well thought-out story by the end!

Hiiii~

Today's my 1-year anniversary (tranniversary??) on HRT so I'm ...spending it working, because I'm trying like hell to get back to Seattle as soon as I can. I'm missing my home and I also -terribly- miss a certain someone living there, but it's very hard trying to full-time freelance while battling severe seasonal-affective and general chronic depression & anxiety (with a good smattering of ADD thrown in just to REALLY complicate things). I'm trying to get medicated, even if it's just supplements, because whenever I get the depression to break (either chemically or otherwise) I'm suddenly a whirlwind of making art.

Pittsburgh is the pits when it starts getting colder.

Seriously, a super hearty congratulations on your 1 year!! I feel fortunate to have witnessed your progress until now and it's honestly really inspiring for me to see my friends become success stories as far as transitioning.

And lordt yeah the SAD is kicking in hard this year, half of my workdays I can't seem to make it past 4 hours! And as useful as a full spectrum light is, it can't carry the blunt of the effects. It's probably said very often but what's helped me is sectioning off a ton of time for things like cooking and exercising. Like, not only do I get the fulfillment of producing a balanced or healthy meal, but I also get the nutritional + mental benefits of Good Food.

I hope you can move out there soon though!! Freelancing is tough work, but in my experience, it's at least been climbing upward with consistency.

Thank youuu ;o;

I've been learning how to bake a loooot of stuff (I blame Iris for getting me into it through homemade pizza lmao) and ever since I got canned from my last job, I've been feeling WAY more like cooking in general; it's hard when you're IN foodservice and surrounded by food all day -- that said, I worked with some of the most skilled cooks I've ever seen at Google, so I'm glad I could spend six years absorbing so much knowledge ahaha~ ... good food done well is definitely a big huge help.

Thanks a bunch for the encouragement!! ;-;

I'll run around at MFF :)

Hope to run into you, then!

Hello, not an amazingly long-time watcher, but I do love your stuff! I just arrived home from a nice night with friends. How's your day been?

Long time watcher or not, kind words are kind words, thank you!!

And yesterday was great! Drew all day and spent all evening fiddling around with the new Overwatch character :'3

Drawing all day is fun! If I had the motivation to, I would too!
I've never played Overwatch, actually. It's not my cup of tea, sadly, I would get motionsickness from it ;u;

I'll say that it's great continuing to watch you grow and improve as an artist, and I'm glad the Patreon thing seems to be working out pretty well. Always like seeing your personal art and your unique takes on things.

I've been feeling pretty out of sorts. For a while now I've really felt like I need a solid community cause just internet interaction isn't really cutting it for me. Then this past week I get hit by waves of repressed FOMO, the kind that makes me feel like time is slipping away.

I think a lot of it is the lead up to this convention, combined with some feelings that I'm just a bit disassociated from my friends. People I want to be friends are becoming better friends while I feel like I struggle to make much of an impression, and while they're going to meet in person, I'm just stuck in place. It feels like getting left behind but I'm the only one aware of it. There's this strange sensation of missing everyone, really badly.

I'm really at a loss for what to do, but I think I need to take some drastic steps to correct course in the new year.

Getting immersed into a community is a tough thing, though my only real experience with it not working was when I was still working in cafe's. No matter the cafe, the entire staff felt like they had this kindredness that I couldn't get in on, but at the same time the way their community functioned wasn't for me. It was usually lots of stuff like going out to bars/excessive drinking that I never liked to take part in, and bundle that up with me realizing that I was the only queer person wherever I worked, it was easy to feel outside of it.

I'm grateful for my current group of friends, because we've facilitated an environment for each other that minimizes on anxiety. If one of us drops off for a month, it's fine, because we get it, and we sympathize. I'm not saying "go get new friends" because that's pessimistic and unrealistic, but more saying that your buddies might be more understanding than you're giving them credit for. But those anxieties are valid and could perhaps be a jumping point for some important Real Talk with your friends.

And, thanks for the kind words on my personal artwork! <3

I’m sure your right. It’s just hard for me to bring it up.

S'going all right! There's something about getting home and kicking back, relaxing with some music and tea you know.
I live in the Bay "Bae" Area so ye maybe I'll go to FC I dunno.
I don't have a cat but I wish I did

I think my favorite part of my day is coming back from the gym, having a shower, making myself dinner, and enjoying it while watching some Great British Baking Show. Low-key life is the best life.

And gosh tell me about it, I'd have 5 cats if it weren't for our apartment complex!