There is a lot of changes I am doing with myself. So many things I regret too. I been hit with so many forms of depression. And hate feeling so down and out. I really need help here. Anyone know any good ways to deal with depression? I been trying to keep myself busy with work, games and whatnot. It helps only so much after that...I just feel out of it. The motivation to RP on f-list or chat on discord is making me feel more and more unstable. So many friends who claim to be friends with me don't really show it. Yeah sure, I am not the only one here who got problems. But what I hate is when I give so much. It don't seem to show others that all I dp don't mean a thing. I know I can't buy peoples friendship. Thats not my intention. It never was. But damn me to heck if I am going to stand around and be ignored. You know who you are to. I ain't some 3rd rate friend. There is no this friends means more then this friends crap. No I am not going to be one of those friends you see lesser then others friends. I want to be friends with folks that see all friends as friends and love them all the same.

I always hated that with folks online where you are only just a side or 2nd or even a 3rd rate friend when your first rate friends are not around. I refuse to see friends in that way myself. I love all my friends all the same way. Thats how friends work right? And not by who is more valuable then other right? This is how friends should be with each other. And it's been that way for me of how I see all friends. I love them equally.

I always been feeling alone at times. To be honest...I really want someone in my life now. But living in Hawaii and all makes it hard to find folks. I always hated long distant relationships and I don't mean to push away folks who wanted to be with me in a long distance relationship. I did that one and I never want to do it again....and I was hurt badly to by it. I want to touch, see and hold said person in my arms. But....living in hawaii makes that hard to find anyone in their 20's to be with. Ah well...

A small update of this. I wrote this feeling so....depress I did not realize all the mistakes I made.

All I know is I need help....should I talk to my Doctor about my depression? But before I do....anyone know any good way to deal with it? People who also suffer from depression?