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2 years of an update, Hello everyone!
8 years ago
Alright! so I had just gotten home from work and finally have some time to write this out! Please bare with me and I'll try to keep things as grammatically correct and as short as I can! so lets get started!
where to begin... well lets start with a bit of why i had went to be a full lurker and not a contributor.
Put simply, I lost my way. I don't know how best to put it other then that. for the 2 years i drew maybe... 3? maybe 4 times? and that's complete stuff. as for incomplete stuff, we are looking at maybe 20? max. now why i didn't put them here is because i saw no reason too. it was because i was comparing myself to some of the fantastic artists i watch and it discouraged me (it still does in a way). I started drawing cause I loved it, and then I got it in my head that I had to be perfect immediately and because of that it aggravated me. Its no excuse and I admittedly am a bit ashamed of my envy. That said I think I have finally got it through my skull to not be that way anymore and to go back to creating to make me feel good again. And so far it feels fantastic!
work
Now back at my last journal I believe I was still at BK. Well that is long since done and I've had around 4 jobs after it. 2 are where I currently work. Now that has also been a cause of my lack of content or anything. I'm mentally and physically and even emotionally drained out most every day. I've been working in the food industry since I could work so 6 years almost 7. I did go to school to earn a degree but that will be what I talk about next. I want to assure you that I am going to be leaving my jobs sooner rather then later as I am looking for a single full time job in order to actually have down time and go back to being me. Because as it currently sits I'm just a workaholic and nothing more... which sucks...
school..
ugh what can i say... well I think it was around 2014 maybe 2015 that I worked up the courage to go to college. I started with a computer tech degree. and i promptly failed most all my classes by acting how i did in highshool. either showing up late, not showing up at all, sleeping in every class, not doing homework and so on. After oneish semesters as that, I changed my degree to business. i failed everything again. after that i kept my choice but was more undecided doing only liberal arts. i barely passed a few classes but failed more. after that i decided to go to another school, cheaper one, and go for a culinary degree. Ive always be complimented on my cooking and at the time i wanted to open my own furry themed restaurant. i failed each class because i never showed up or i showed up late. so i decided to take time off it after my spring semester in i think 2016. (please pardon if dates dont add up. I'm trying to do things off top of my head). andsince then ive just been working. i love the work force but im so tired of cooking. SO! moving forward after talking to family, i decided to go back to school and give it a good try. not fucking it up this time. starting as undecided though. i want a carreer that ill be happy with and not that im going to hate. i honestly would love to draw or create in general for a living but unless i improve alot that is just a pipe dream.
health
so this one.. well im alive lol. honestly im quite healthy but as usual i never succeeded in my weight-loss. infact i gained. id rather not say the number as i am ashamed i got this bad. that said i am starting on the right track to lose weight. even have found some help in vaping to help take the edge off cravings which is a lifesend! the goal is to be 50lb lighter by the end of 2018
art
as i had said, i havent drawn much and sadly no i will not be posting any on here as they are either imcomplete or im not hnappy with them. that said i am drawing again, i have created a new sona that right now seems to fit me a bit better. i never will get rid of scrapyard but he might be a bit less relevant currently. but things change and maybe ill change my mind. im hoping to finish up my picture by sunday so hopefully i will! and starting the nerw year im going to be posting more. it might be more just practice pieces to develop a style and also work on sizing and all but i feel so happy to be back in the artist chair!
conclusion/ plan
alright so this is alot, pretty much i went away cause i was shit and i want to be better. im ready to be me again cause for once in 2 years i finnaly feel more like me. more optimistic, artistic, and hopeful! im on a path and itll take time but i hope i can bring you all with me and hope to spread and bring more people with me!
My plan of action
1. draw more and care less. pretty much im going to try doing a picture a week and will even try and have someone keep me too it so i dont fail.
2. lose weight. im tired of the body im in and its time for a positive change
3. become happy in work and schooling. its time for my career not a job and school will get me there! i will make everyone proud with my brain!
4. find more of who i am. at times i struggle with identity. whether its sexuality, or what im meant for or whatever. i want this year to finnaly be knowing.
5.improve improve improve! i wont stop until i succeed!
and for "superficial" goal set. this year i want to go to a con. im nervous to go on my own but i want to be more comfy in the fandom again. i feel like im an outsider for no reason and i want to fix that. i also want to make some more friends. ive always been scared meeting people cause i normally scare people off but i want and hope to make more friends :)
well! i feel like im missing alot but i cant think much. had a mind numbing day so its hard to think. if theres any questions please please ask! ill gladly answer or even just talk :)
Thank you all for waiting, and lets hope i make it worth the wait!
where to begin... well lets start with a bit of why i had went to be a full lurker and not a contributor.
Put simply, I lost my way. I don't know how best to put it other then that. for the 2 years i drew maybe... 3? maybe 4 times? and that's complete stuff. as for incomplete stuff, we are looking at maybe 20? max. now why i didn't put them here is because i saw no reason too. it was because i was comparing myself to some of the fantastic artists i watch and it discouraged me (it still does in a way). I started drawing cause I loved it, and then I got it in my head that I had to be perfect immediately and because of that it aggravated me. Its no excuse and I admittedly am a bit ashamed of my envy. That said I think I have finally got it through my skull to not be that way anymore and to go back to creating to make me feel good again. And so far it feels fantastic!
work
Now back at my last journal I believe I was still at BK. Well that is long since done and I've had around 4 jobs after it. 2 are where I currently work. Now that has also been a cause of my lack of content or anything. I'm mentally and physically and even emotionally drained out most every day. I've been working in the food industry since I could work so 6 years almost 7. I did go to school to earn a degree but that will be what I talk about next. I want to assure you that I am going to be leaving my jobs sooner rather then later as I am looking for a single full time job in order to actually have down time and go back to being me. Because as it currently sits I'm just a workaholic and nothing more... which sucks...
school..
ugh what can i say... well I think it was around 2014 maybe 2015 that I worked up the courage to go to college. I started with a computer tech degree. and i promptly failed most all my classes by acting how i did in highshool. either showing up late, not showing up at all, sleeping in every class, not doing homework and so on. After oneish semesters as that, I changed my degree to business. i failed everything again. after that i kept my choice but was more undecided doing only liberal arts. i barely passed a few classes but failed more. after that i decided to go to another school, cheaper one, and go for a culinary degree. Ive always be complimented on my cooking and at the time i wanted to open my own furry themed restaurant. i failed each class because i never showed up or i showed up late. so i decided to take time off it after my spring semester in i think 2016. (please pardon if dates dont add up. I'm trying to do things off top of my head). andsince then ive just been working. i love the work force but im so tired of cooking. SO! moving forward after talking to family, i decided to go back to school and give it a good try. not fucking it up this time. starting as undecided though. i want a carreer that ill be happy with and not that im going to hate. i honestly would love to draw or create in general for a living but unless i improve alot that is just a pipe dream.
health
so this one.. well im alive lol. honestly im quite healthy but as usual i never succeeded in my weight-loss. infact i gained. id rather not say the number as i am ashamed i got this bad. that said i am starting on the right track to lose weight. even have found some help in vaping to help take the edge off cravings which is a lifesend! the goal is to be 50lb lighter by the end of 2018
art
as i had said, i havent drawn much and sadly no i will not be posting any on here as they are either imcomplete or im not hnappy with them. that said i am drawing again, i have created a new sona that right now seems to fit me a bit better. i never will get rid of scrapyard but he might be a bit less relevant currently. but things change and maybe ill change my mind. im hoping to finish up my picture by sunday so hopefully i will! and starting the nerw year im going to be posting more. it might be more just practice pieces to develop a style and also work on sizing and all but i feel so happy to be back in the artist chair!
conclusion/ plan
alright so this is alot, pretty much i went away cause i was shit and i want to be better. im ready to be me again cause for once in 2 years i finnaly feel more like me. more optimistic, artistic, and hopeful! im on a path and itll take time but i hope i can bring you all with me and hope to spread and bring more people with me!
My plan of action
1. draw more and care less. pretty much im going to try doing a picture a week and will even try and have someone keep me too it so i dont fail.
2. lose weight. im tired of the body im in and its time for a positive change
3. become happy in work and schooling. its time for my career not a job and school will get me there! i will make everyone proud with my brain!
4. find more of who i am. at times i struggle with identity. whether its sexuality, or what im meant for or whatever. i want this year to finnaly be knowing.
5.improve improve improve! i wont stop until i succeed!
and for "superficial" goal set. this year i want to go to a con. im nervous to go on my own but i want to be more comfy in the fandom again. i feel like im an outsider for no reason and i want to fix that. i also want to make some more friends. ive always been scared meeting people cause i normally scare people off but i want and hope to make more friends :)
well! i feel like im missing alot but i cant think much. had a mind numbing day so its hard to think. if theres any questions please please ask! ill gladly answer or even just talk :)
Thank you all for waiting, and lets hope i make it worth the wait!
MurphySlaugh
~murphyslaugh
Sometimes the path to success is a series of failures, brother. Glad you have kept going despite everything. It may be a long, hard road, but it will be worth it in the end. Hope you achieve your goals. ANd if I can help you out in any way, let me know. Just remember: "Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." (Winston Churchill).
