So its mothers day. And I wish that it wasnt. I cant wish the person who gave birth to me a happy mothers day because she is no longer among the living...
Yesterday on May 9th 2020 my mother was found dead... she was in the garage completely ice cold and colorless. we suspect heart attack or something along those lines. she had just turned 46 on May 5th....

it still feels so surreal. that this isnt real. that shes just hiding and playing a joke on us or that at the very least someone could bring her back... but we all know that isnt whats happening...

she is survived by my father, me, my little sister and my youngest brother. as well as both of her parents... theres lots more in our family but those are the immediates.

She was all of ours best friend. she wasnt a "mommy" any more as she put it. she was our mom but she was also our friend. we would every day talk for hours and hours about anything and everything. we didnt always see eye to eye but she always wanted us to have our own opinions.

i wouldnt ever call her a saint. none of us are. but shes an angel. she (to me) helped make the world go around. im gonna miss her texting me good morning. or even to make sure that i wasnt about to be late to work. (she texted me every morning at 723 am to make sure im bout to leave the house)

i didnt think that the last time i would see her is 1248am. there's so many things left unsaid. and so many hugs i never gave.

i miss her so much...

So to all the mothers of the world. i wish you the happiest mothers day. grandmothers and stepmothers and all the like too of course!
but to me... mothers day for right now wont be happy. it wont even be bittersweet. itll just be sad...

(also please forgive any spelling and grammatical mistakes