Lately my mental state has really deteriorated, to the point now where I can see it not only affecting myself but those few that I care for too in relatively major ways. Everyday I try my best to stay strong but it's getting harder and I feel utterly utterly ashamed that I have distanced myself unintentionally from my friends that I love dearly as a result, friends who only want to help me, who I learned to confide in. Now I feel that I've not only let myself down but my friends too, and with how I am right now I don't feel like I can be a good friend to anyone as much as I try and that hurts me the most.

As a result, I'm thinking about removing my account here (and others too).

I've been awake for a long while now so I'm going to head to sleep. I'm going to seriously ponder this decision while I rest, maybe I'm being brash, maybe not? But I needed to at least talk about this, because I do feel ashamed now and I can't pretend it's not happening and I need to apologize for the way I am right now.

Goodnight and l love you all <3 have a good day/night wherever you are
*Ves~~

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This is not a *vent* post and I'm not looking for attention (nor do I want any). I'm just providing context as to why I may be removing my account because what I'm doing isn't fair to those I love (especially my friends) and I truly am sorry.

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If I decide when I wake up to not to remove my account, I'll delete this journal. If I'm going through with it deleting it, then I'll make another journal. Either way, I'm off to sleep.