You may or may not be wondering why I haven't uttered a peep virtually all month and a bit more. I mean I know I'm not as sociable as pretty much everyone else in the fandom, but jeez, I gotta get in the habit of updates often even if they're pointless or something, y'know? I can't even push myself into being on Twitter all the time.

Well, some good news to kick things off. After 14 years of being separated from Dad, Mom finally got her divorce from him. And she ended up winning her case in Family Court against him for avoiding paying for arrears and - long story short - lying his fucking ass off. My older brother is emotionally crushed by this as he puts Dad on a pedestal, but he and Dad are the same, and I don't bat an eye to either one of them. I may love Dad, but I'll never love the man he is now. Let's put it at that. But yes, Mom is absolutely thrilled from the outcome having over-prepared with countless documents and paper trails that would put even Phoenix Wright to shame. Granted, Mom wasn't able to get the raise in spousal support from Dad like she asked for, but she's thankful to still be getting it monthly from Dad, and he's pissed beyond belief that he has to pay it.

Basically, as Marcassin would say it, "justice has been done!"

Meanwhile, in terms of health... It's not looking so good for me. I mean my physical ended up turning out just about perfect (while my B12 was double than what it should be, lol). As for my blood pressure... It was read as a little too high that time. So the doc had me taking my blood pressure twice a day for ten days. Tried it for three days, and as calm as I tried to be, the numbers were right up there. Mom and I just dismissed them ultimately on account of our manual blood pressure monitor likely being too old. We brought it up with the doc on Monday, and discussed the idea of looking into my medical records from 2016 showcasing such a situation I had back then which could possibly help prove that I'm otherwise okay.

Shortly after the appointment, Mom and I started talking, and I brought up the idea that maybe it wasn't high blood pressure that was the big issue so much as what was likely causing it... anxiety. I mean when I think about it, my diet hasn't changed much - wasn't even a problem last year either - especially considering that no salt has been added on top of any natural salt if that makes sense. And high amounts of stress can really do damage to a lion like myself if something's bothering him mentally. And, well, something has been on my mind so to speak. Let's just say that a very close friend of mine - and they know they are - has been giving me some terrible news and bombshells since late last month that have been hitting them just as hard as they've been hitting me hard. Real hard. Same applies from learning of other saddening news here and there from other good friends of mine and knowing that I can't do jack-shit to make them smile or make their lives any better.

As such, I haven't exactly been happy for essentially nearly a month-and-a-half. My heart has been racing, my mind's been distracted, and my drive to draw has been quelled for a damn long time which is never good for an artist to have (even if this artist is mediocre at best compared to everyone else on FA, lol). And because of the latter, I haven't been able to carry out any artistic plans that I've wanted to do like make birthday drawings for some friends of mine well in advance or any fun, personal stuff for myself. So you can imagine how much that has thrown me off mentally and how shitty I feel about that. I hate having to do things belated once again, but if I have to be this lame, so be it. They'll get it when they get it, and I hope they'll understand the lateness.

And while we're on the subject on not feeling good, so many fucking fursuiting friends I know and cherish got to meet the one-and-only Ace earlier in the month! And I never fucking knew about it! Like a little invite would be nice even if I can't go! But either way, fucking dammit! I miss out on all the fun! I haven't even done anything Pride Day/Month-related in general for the fandom (i.e. artwork, photos) while everyone else goes out and has a fucking whale of a time!

Oh, and I can forget about friggin' Canada Day coming up soon! My older brother will be in Newmarket working, Mom will still be taking care of Grandma all day - oh, by the way, Grandma cannot walk on her legs anymore and requires transport in any situation (i.e. bathroom, car rides, hospital) - and I'm just one lonely dude who gets to have the thrill of basically every furry friend of mine living it up except me.

I just hate my luck and my life sometimes... I have what a good friend of mine describes to me as the Felling of Missing Out (FoMO), and it's not a good feeling at all. I guess mine must be a permanent case.

But I digress. Sorry to carry on like that.

As far as the anxiety theory is concerned, me and Mom are planning on writing something up for my doctor and dropping off at his office (either this week or the next) before we see him two days before my birthday in August. Heh, how fitting. If I get nothing but bad news there and have to be put on fucking pills for life or worse, I'll remember that as a terrible birthday. Yay.

Please do me a favor and keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I mean I would hope that everything will be okay - and I'm even taking some green tea and chamomile tea at night lately to help combat high blood pressure - but with the way things have been since earlier this month and having all the big changes from everyone else just hitting me hard, I fear it may lead me into news I don't wanna hear from my doctor.

But I just gotta remember to breathe. As my best friend always quotes from her favourite song, "it's always darkest before the dawn."