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7 years ago
General
Hey everyone, how's it been going?
Sorry it's been a couple months, been a bit busy lately with some stuff. Joined a Pathfinder group consisting of some good friends from here on FA, joined a D&D Discord before that because I'm apparently a masochist of some sort (lol XD), started taking classes again towards my teaching certification, took two of the required tests for that (passed one and failed the other; retaking the latter in a couple weeks so fingers crossed), and so on and so forth.
So yeah, I've been a busy sort of late.
I've also found out a few more things about myself in the interim. Chiefly is that, I'm fairly certain by now that I'm trans to at least some degree. I had a pretty bad 'bout of dysphoria hit last night, along with some depression in regards to my situation and why I'm not able to seek therapy to be "properly" diagnosed or even seek HRT or the like. To make matters worse, we suffered an Internet outage while that was going on, so I had to try and talk to my friends via the Discord phone app instead of on my computer where I was comfortable, so I laid on my bed for a bit, curled up in a ball while I held my phone, weight in the pit of my being as my friends kept me anchored and helped me through that. Seriously, I won't name you guys if you don't want me to, but you all are the best friends I could ask for .
Secondly, I also found out during these last few months that I have some form of anxiety disorder and that it's maternal- i.e. my mom goes through it too. I had about maybe 5 to 6 panic attacks over the course of two weeks over several things- some of them rather minor like being in combat in a play-by-post game on that D&D group I mentioned and being scared I'd lose my character (I'm playing a Variant Human Transmutation Wizard version of Lena) because I wasn't there to post constantly because of work. It seriously got to the point where I was blaming myself for an accident my mother got into that messed up her back, simply because I suggested we move here when I was like, fourteen or something. It got that bad.
Thankfully though, I'm in a much better place now. To paraphrase a line from
rickgriffin's A&H Club comic (which you should totally read when you get the chance, it's awesome and Rick's art is really good), "happiness comes in fits and spurts, and I'm still not entirely there. I don't know if I'll ever be. But, I'm working on it."
On a much brighter note, I was digging through some of my old stuff and found some old art commissions I got from when I used to go to Anime conventions back in high school and college. There's some really good stuff here, including some art from the legend himself,
fredgdperry!! I'm gonna upload them ASAP, I can't wait to share them with you all !
If you're still here after all that, thanks for sticking through to the end and reading all this. Sorry it's been so long since my last Journal, but like I said, I've been preoccupied as of late. Look forward to more updates as this crazy train called life keeps on rolling, and more fun art as soon as I commission them XD. I might also be able to get back into writing soon, now that I have Office on my PC again. No promises on that front, but hope springs eternal.
Thanks again for everything gang, I'll chat with you again soon. Until then, stay safe out there and stay awesome, everybody!
Tail high~!
-CorinthAlexander /Lena/Chakat Cloudwalker.
Sorry it's been a couple months, been a bit busy lately with some stuff. Joined a Pathfinder group consisting of some good friends from here on FA, joined a D&D Discord before that because I'm apparently a masochist of some sort (lol XD), started taking classes again towards my teaching certification, took two of the required tests for that (passed one and failed the other; retaking the latter in a couple weeks so fingers crossed), and so on and so forth.
So yeah, I've been a busy sort of late.
I've also found out a few more things about myself in the interim. Chiefly is that, I'm fairly certain by now that I'm trans to at least some degree. I had a pretty bad 'bout of dysphoria hit last night, along with some depression in regards to my situation and why I'm not able to seek therapy to be "properly" diagnosed or even seek HRT or the like. To make matters worse, we suffered an Internet outage while that was going on, so I had to try and talk to my friends via the Discord phone app instead of on my computer where I was comfortable, so I laid on my bed for a bit, curled up in a ball while I held my phone, weight in the pit of my being as my friends kept me anchored and helped me through that. Seriously, I won't name you guys if you don't want me to, but you all are the best friends I could ask for .
Secondly, I also found out during these last few months that I have some form of anxiety disorder and that it's maternal- i.e. my mom goes through it too. I had about maybe 5 to 6 panic attacks over the course of two weeks over several things- some of them rather minor like being in combat in a play-by-post game on that D&D group I mentioned and being scared I'd lose my character (I'm playing a Variant Human Transmutation Wizard version of Lena) because I wasn't there to post constantly because of work. It seriously got to the point where I was blaming myself for an accident my mother got into that messed up her back, simply because I suggested we move here when I was like, fourteen or something. It got that bad.
Thankfully though, I'm in a much better place now. To paraphrase a line from
rickgriffin's A&H Club comic (which you should totally read when you get the chance, it's awesome and Rick's art is really good), "happiness comes in fits and spurts, and I'm still not entirely there. I don't know if I'll ever be. But, I'm working on it."On a much brighter note, I was digging through some of my old stuff and found some old art commissions I got from when I used to go to Anime conventions back in high school and college. There's some really good stuff here, including some art from the legend himself,
fredgdperry!! I'm gonna upload them ASAP, I can't wait to share them with you all !If you're still here after all that, thanks for sticking through to the end and reading all this. Sorry it's been so long since my last Journal, but like I said, I've been preoccupied as of late. Look forward to more updates as this crazy train called life keeps on rolling, and more fun art as soon as I commission them XD. I might also be able to get back into writing soon, now that I have Office on my PC again. No promises on that front, but hope springs eternal.
Thanks again for everything gang, I'll chat with you again soon. Until then, stay safe out there and stay awesome, everybody!
Tail high~!
-
*hugs* Fits and spurts indeed. I was so happy during the summer, about a week after my vacation I hit a plot hiccup that derailed me since then and I'm still trying to plan my recovery. Sometimes I do wish the world would let me hit pause for a while.
So far this year I've spent two months not writing due to dry spells, and some really good work, and now I'm just kind of lost. I had hoped this would be the year I kicked off my plans but unless I can reliably get back to work I don't see how. I'm working on thinking positive and overcoming my doubts/fears. I'll do it. *hugs*